Started today a little paranoid and I didn't even realize it until it calmed down a little and I could look back and see how distorted my thinking was. Getting a little better at basic concentration but cannot seem to stay on track for long enough to get much done. Morning routine took 2.5 hrs; when my symptoms were not causing me significant distress I could be dressed and out the door in 45 minutes. The time difference seems to be due to me spacing out, not able to make decisions (what to wea
Today I feel normal. The Bad Thoughts are still there in the background but it is like the volume is turned way down and I can ignore them. Actually getting work done (present activity notwithstanding ). For the first time in months I feel no urge to harm myself. This is a good sign because I was starting to form plans. Most importantly, I have stopped freaking out like I have been for the past few days. I was in so much pain before that I was not functioning rationally. I was badly paranoid
Thoughts are bouncing around in my head, forming feedback loops. For a while the suicide commands and negative message loops go away and I start to feel like great the meds are working now, but then I lapse back into it and I don't even notice it until I start to feel physical pain from the fact that sadness causes my chest to constrict in a weird way. Seeing therapist tomorrow (talk therapy person, not pdoc)... So ashamed to be going in with things having gotten worse. I am running out of sess
Yeah so fuck psychiatry:mad:. I thought a doctor was a teacher; isn't that the root of the word? Docre - to teach. It's in the Oxford English Dictionary. We call professors Dr. too and they don't mind if you ask questions. All I want is to be able to focus on a task at a time. I'll take the depression and tolerate it if I can just get my work done. But this does not seem to matter to the person getting paid $10 a minute to scrawl out prescriptions in her own predetermined order. Oh drug A doesn
Well just found this area. Hmm maybe I should be posting the difficult stuff here and keep the forum talk a little less complicated. Sometimes it is just a little easier to understand when it is written out. Then again, sometimes when I find the truth I realize I was more comfortable in my delusions. Right now I am frightened. Need to see psychiatrist tomorrow and scared to tell her that the meds aren't working, because I don't want her to move onto something stronger. TBH I also kind of enjoy
