hi big sis

such a cute puppy - i want a labrador puppy like digger, think Im gonna go get me one when I escape from here!

how are you finding?

My back hurts, I have to clean for my brother to come visit today, and shovel a foot or so of snnnnoooooooowwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!-- but I'm ok

I hope you can go get digger soon, SueSue!!!!

You have Snnnnnnnoooooooowwwwwww!!! you lucky thing ! we havnt had ANY yet this winter - no fair!

Sorry your back hurts finding have you gotten any heat packs - they can help sometimes

Yeah, it may be a long while before I can get a Digger, have to get well first. But think thats what I want to do

xxxxxxxxxx

thats funny - thanks Ken

I like those sort of pics with captions - they always brighten up my day no end

Coz like Im a proper grown up!

Just saying hello.

I am going for PT on Monday, that should help!

Are things ok right now lil sis???

yeah things are fine big sis just in a downer of a mood - hopefully it will become a hyper mood one of these days! - im fed up with being like this

need to get my ass kicked into gear

JF is back on duty tomorrow morning and Im dreading it!

another lovely day - and parts (most) of me wishes it were'nt, coz there is nothing worse than a beautiful day being surrounded by happy people - it just like adding salt into an open wound! Hrumph!

Hey hum:o

Heya Sue

How are things?

Do you ever meditate on the qualities of animals to help process difficult emotions? I admire how the Native Americans do that...

((((( hugs to you lil sis )))))

'things' suck big time

JF is back and ive gotta spend time with him this afternoon - to tell him 'how im feeling' etc...... Oh this should be interesting!!!

not sure i can speak to him - today, tomorrow or EVER - i hate him, and just the sight of him triggers me into being a over emotional angry freak - not proud that someone can make me feel like that - especially in all reality he has one nothing wrong to me, plus, its not his fault he doesnt know how to relate to us lot in here.

Oooooooooops sorry Im going off on one already - just venting i guess.

yeah big sis, i meditate to the qualities of gerties - all gerties are extremely special and important to me. Guess we all have our own animal that we feel drawn too - Is turtles maybe yours?

SueSue your healing and health is the most important thing here. What if you told him that he triggers you, and it is very painful, keeping it as simple as that?

yes, turtle qualities are always teaching me-- and many other animals too

ok, I tried - I now give up trying to talk with JF. ARROGANT SOB!!!

You know damn it, its not easy for me to say words out loud - sure saying things in my head to myself is easy - but out loud its a battle of wills as to whether or not anything gets said at all. So I told him to his face - as politely and calmly as I could that i want a different nurse to be my main nurse and to take no offence - sheeze I even use the excuse that for me it would be easier to talk with a female nurse - and seriously I rarely pull the gender string. As much as I dislike the ARROGANT SOB JF, i still didnt want to upset him.

UNTIL HE DIDNT LISTEN TO ME!!!!!!!!!! :mad:

so I guess maybe things were said after that which maybe I shouldnt of said in anger.

but the JF still didnt and doesnt get it. Ive had a hour which quite honestly would of been spent better bashing my or preferably HIS head against a brick wall for all the good it has done! :mad:

sorry just venting. think ive stopped now

Well, there's a reason you don't see that many brick walls in hospital ...

Did he hear that you were upset that he didn't listen?

I mean, there may not be anything he can do to change the staffing, but you at least deserve an answer to a question. But even staff nurses have supervisors. Can you say something the next time you see one?

Oh, theres plenty of brick walls in here - thats all there damn well is - no pictures (for obvious reasons!) even some of the windows have been bricked up. Theres only one thing - quite a minor detail really - that stops me from bashing either my or JFs' head against the wall - and thats I want to get out of here, sooner rather than later.

SOB JF woulda had to be deaf and blind not to see or hear just how upset I was. But unfortunately he was just Ignorant. How did he put it - "its an irrational feeling, and can be overcome, I like a challenge"

shit its as if what i went or am going through is a frigging game to him.

even told him why, you know about the 'attack' a couple of years ago.

but that was me being irrational - again.

dont think there is no-one else to ask, i dont have many rights in here.

idk - its all screwed, and im really upset and probably arent thinking very clearly at all right now - cant deal with this at all.

You are not being treated well, Sue

I am proud of you for speaking up. It is not your fault at all that he is not listening : (

thanks big sis

im sorry im just upset, thats all. you know the kind of upset where it feels like ya world is against you and is only there to shove you deeper into that hole you've created or found yerself in, and you dare to try climb out of

think i need to go into hiding

But Sue, have you ever noticed that when you go into hiding, the only people you really manage to hide from are us, your friends?

Is there maybe another way to handle things?

i dont know what else to do, cant take this at all. hiding helps i think. dont know how to hide here though, but ive been looking, a lot. but they seem to have all the good hidey places covered, and thats a real bummer.

dont ever mean to hide from you all here, i know your my friends.

another way - like what, all my head seems to be focusing on is a way out.

I'm so sorry you feel shoved around, Sue

It is very challenging for anyone when they don't feel safe.

{I'd offer my cave but it is not very cheery}

Is there anywhere to sit and meditate in your setting? Or read? or make stuff?

I am off to an appointment, but will be back soon...

((((( hugs to you, lil sis )))))

Sue, it sounds like you're stuck in fight-or-flight mode. You either get angry at them or try to run and hide, and neither behavior is really going to work very well in a hospital.

Can you go to someone, even if it's JF, and say "I need help to feel safe"?

I'm sorry you're so upset, Sue. Mark has a good thought. Have you tried reaching out like that? Maybe JF would listen this time.

decided yesterday to just stay on my bed and ignore my surroundings and the people in it.... switching off and shutting down

its all i can do.