Low energy, almost no motivation. Want to sleep but trouble falling asleep. Down to 1/3rd normal caffeine intake with no caffeine after 11AM. Exercising 3-5 hrs before bed and maintaining a routine. Still only seem to feel sleepy during the day more often than not. I miss sleep.

Something in the back of my mind that I don't know how to deal with, so I bury it. So angry about things that happened in the past. Want to let go and have tried, but it keeps coming back. Don't like bitter, angry people but that is what I'm becoming.

More thoughts of suicide that aren't intentional, escaping into comforting fantasy of not having to deal anymore. Extremely lonely, cried three times yesterday. Not enough energy to do anything about it though.

At least pushing myself to do some things to take care of myself such as cooking normal food. Have motivation for that to get blood pressure down so I can have fewer panic attacks.