hey sue, sorry you can't sleep I hate when that happens

Do the nurses there supervise, Sue?

I hope you were able to find balance and get to sleep.

I'm sorry things are so hard.

Are you feeling any better today? :o

Hugs to you, lil sis, and may things ease up on you soon!!!!!

thanks

im kinda still under constant obs at mo, just till things calm down a little with me again. not really all that with it lately. things are truely mixed up and im confused.

started a painting today, that bought me some escapism from reality for a while though i couldnt actually paint for long as i flipped out... maybe next time will be easier to concentrate. dunno anymore.

thanks for the pics and for caring, it means a lot to me so thanks:o

take care

"I vaguely remember a time in my life when things were relatively normal."

And, we're here with you until such a time comes again, sweetheart. Even if it doesn't.

Feel so low today, not sure why, just dark n down. Need things to change, or become clearer somehow. Idk maybe they just aren't meant ta.

hi sue, I hope you feel better soon.

Sitting here crying my heart out, so sad and upset coz there aint a damn thing I can do to change the way things are. Imlost trying to find my way out of my hell, all I seem to be managing to do is go from one nightmare to another and it hurts so bad.

I'm sorry you're hurting so much, Sue. I understand that it must feel like there is no way out of the place you're in, but I hope you will leave the door open to the possibility of healing. Even if you can't right now, know that your friends will keep the door open for you until you can find your way to the light. {{{{{{Sue}}}}}}

thanks beth:o

really dont know what im meant to do to stop this, i cant stop anything. i try so frigging hard to block things out of me, the memories the images the flashbacks the frigging voices. i cant stop any of it - sheeze i cant even stop my constant crying. its not self pity i just cant cope with it, think they are tears of sheer frustration more that out else.

how the heck do i get back some sort of inner fight, im exhausted mentally and physically now.... so i just lay here, letting the voices say whatever they want to - and i just listen to them, wait for the flashbacks to come an go throughout my days and nights, and hope that the next batch of meds given to me manages to knock me out - even if only for a short while.

distractions take energy that i no longer have - it takes so much out of me these days just to write on my blog. just laying here waiting for things to stop, coz i cant stop them - and its taking way too long!

:) (((((((((((((((( lil sis ))))))))))))))))

The only thing I know for sure is that creating a place of safety is required... reaching across with compassion to the part experiencing traumatic memories and pulling her to the present moment and to our place of safety and acceptance and care can really help...

Can your therapist sit with you during these flashbacks and help you reach over to you and pull you to the safety of now, Sue?

Flashbacks can make you feel the past is overlaid over the present, that there is no safety at any time, but it is an illusion. We stand with you; we know you and we love you. We know some of what you have been through, and we know the person that you are. SweetSue that is so kind to anyone here that is hurting, we stand with her and hope that she can be kind to you too, and love you too, and if she cannot today, maybe sometime soon.

You against you can fuel the split and open to the violence of those memories.

You standing with you can lead you to safety.

Needing help so you can stand with you makes all kinds of sense.

Count us in, dear one. Are there others around you that can help too?

As you know, I have a strong Jungian bent. He would have his patients draw mandalas along their healing journey. They didn't necessarily start out all organized and peaceful, but as the person worked with the imagery that came up, and stayed with the process, the art work gradually became more and more organized around a calming center...

this one isn't so large

sue I am thinking of you. I hear what you are saying and I am sorry that everything is so hard. maybe the constant cryng right now is grieving... God knows you have so much to grieve. I am sorry and I wish I could hold your hand right now.

Hi big sis , hey, Mary - thank you both for your kindness, I don't know what I'd do without my friends here.

My therapist is really kind and has been with me through many of my flashbacks and hysterical melt downs. I see her three times a week at the moment as she is the only person that I feel I can trust enough to share stuff with out here in the world away from the safety of this community. I've even been brave enough to share all my blog entries. I've never been able to do that before, well not without serious editing first.

I saw what you both wrote earlier today but couldn't reply as I got upset coz you both kinda understood parts of me without me having to write things I'm just not capable of right now. Thank you for caring - it means so much to me.

I love the Mandala images big sis. And I'm gonna try do one on silk in class later in the week.

Sorry if what I've wrote doesn't make sense, I'm not feeling well at all and I'm strugling with words. Take care.

(((Sue)))

I'm so glad you have a caring therapist that you trust. Thinking of you today.

Don't mean to upset you, lil sis

((((((( hugs )))))))) and ((((((((hugs)))))))) to you!!!!

So sorry you hurt

Borrowing a computer to say Hi, sis.

We are the people who know you. Take care of yourself, sweety. I know there's a fighter in there.

Its my daughters 5th birthday today. Happy Birthday my little princess Jj.

I miss her so much, I miss all my children far more than any amount of words can ever truely express....

Its a good job love isn't dependant on geography or mere paperwork.

I hear you, Sue. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it must be. I'm so sorry.

Happy birthday to Jj. I hope that you can feel her light inside of your heart. I'm sure your spirit is with her too.

(((((Sue)))))

Guess its the end of yet another week, and still no sign of me going home anytime soon. Been stuck in a haze of what was, this past couple of days. Don't think its a bad thing, but perhaps I should try get up at some point. Can't remember the last time I got up out of bed, let alone wear anything other than my pjs. I'm becoming really lazy, everything just seems so pointless so I don't even try anymore.

Hope everyone has a nice weekend, take care.