Are there any activities for you to do there, Sue? Are you allowed to paint or draw? Read?

((((Sue)))) Sitting with you.

Helllloooooo, SueSue!!!!! :)

[[[[[[we can surf kitteh pix in our pjs mehbee]]]]]]

not sure what day it is, but its over and soon enough another one will take its place.

dunno how the heck i make it through each moment let alone each passing day, i suppose i should be grateful, yet in my heart all i feel is dissapointment that with each new day that arrives im around to greet it.

i guess what im writing right now can be classed as depressing, or even sounds as though its written by someone that is depressed or atleast suffers from depression - but the sheer fact of the matter is im not depressed or unhappy.

Take care.........

lil sis, you have been through so very much

no one could possibly blame you for this part of you that has totally had it

still, my therapist would call this being blended with a part. I don't mean to make you angry and this isn't a judgment, I'm just passing it on from what I was taught and found to be true. This part of you is so very very hurt and feels hopeless. You are our friend. We stand with you in this time. Can you unblend from her enough to see her and her hurt? I totally understand that this may not be possible today. You may have no energy whatsoever to take on the care of her. We are here though, witnessing with you and we know she has so many wonderful qualities besides the pain she bears.

I'm so sorry for this difficult difficult time, lil sis : (

I hope you can keep letting us know how you are.

(((((( ♥ )))))))

[[[would some new socks help, sis?]]]

good morning Sue. I am thinking of you and wishing peace to you...

Sue, I hope you can connect with the part inside of you that knows you deserve more out of life. Depression can make you feel like giving up. I know you've said don't feel depressed, but maybe your not feeling depressed is indicative of being depressed? Can you talk with your therapist about it?

You have been through a tremendous amount. I hear you and am here with you, wishing you comfort now. Sending my love and care. ♥♥ {{{{Sue}}}}

thanks for everyones words and kindness, it means a lot

and YES!!! big sis, those socks are funny, I want some!!!

im not sure whats happening to me of late, its frustrating me that im still in hospital and im dissapointed that even now deep down, despite moments where i manage to kid myself, i know that as soon as i get out, the first oppertunity i get i will be back on the drink and drugs..... im not proud of saying so, but it is a reality for me.

im not depressed ( i dont think) im just so very fed up with being like this - i think im normal - but then how can i be? its not normal to have flashbacks, its so not normal to hear voices or see people that are long since dead and burried, and really its not frigging normal to want to get drugged out of my reality just to be able to not care whats going on. So which am I? :confused:

anyway enough of me whinging with the great big woe is me number. im managing to eat and drink small amounts again without believing so strongly im getting poisened (dont ask!) which means that tomorrow i will be off the drip. guess things could be worse :cool:

take care

i know that as soon as i get out' date=' the first oppertunity i get i will be back on the drink and drugs..... im not proud of saying so, but it is a reality for me.[/quote']

I imagine that it's reality when you believe it's reality. I can understand that you feel powerless to these urges. What can you do to change things and create a different reality?

its not normal to have flashbacks' date=' its so not normal to hear voices or see people that are long since dead and burried, and really its not frigging normal to want to get drugged out of my reality just to be able to not care whats going on. So which am I?[/quote']

I don't think any kind of labels matter so much. What is "normal?" The important thing is to listen to the hurt and learn healthier ways of coping with the pain. I know this isn't easy. If you can feel compassion for yourself, you're walking on the path to healing. How can you take care of yourself right now?

It's good that you're eating. Is chocolate still appealing? I prefer yogurt now. :eek:

Sleep well, Sue.

I'm sorry you are hurting this much, lil sis :(

"i think im normal"

Now there's an interesting question. Is it possible that it's "normal" not to be sure? If not-normal stuff has happened to a person, is it "normal" to react differently than other "normal" people? I mean, I would guess most abuse victims have flashbacks, so maybe they're a normal response to something that most people never have to face?

Honestly, Sue, the fact that you're able to admit to yourself what you would do if you got out now (drink to forget) is a step in the right direction, because that awareness might help you continue to work on things until you don't need a crutch to get through.

erm i have a very serious and extremely important question.....

Big Sis, is that the new addition to our beach island??? coz its wonderful!

meet ya there!

things are complicated where food etc (including my medications) are concerned. i was completely convinced that staff were poisening me (parts of me still are) its hard to explain coz at the same time i thought they were poisening me just to make me be around for longer - Yeah I know it dont make much sense as that in itself is a huge contradiction. Its hard to explain really - but my therapist is helping me loads with this at the moment. I swear she must have the patience of a saint

i guess "normal" is sorta a label - i just dont really see it as one. i think by normal i want the normal i had 15 years ago. life was still hard back then - but heck so much more enjoyable without the voices and hallucinations. i think i just need that kind of normal back again where i only had the occasional flashback or nightmare, and managed to have and more importantly live a fullfilling life still. At the moment im only exsisting, and then at times it feels barely at best.

anyway thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts and jarbled words - hope they make sense somewhere or to some degree ;o

i have therapy this afternoon, where we will be working with my food issues (eeeeeeeeeekkkkk) im a bit scared about talking about that sie of things - it makes me feel stupid to admit that stuff, especially out loud. But on a plus........ I am now drip free - YAY!!!

Hope everyone has a pleasent day, and that it is kind to you all, take care

Here's something for you and finding

And this is for you {{{Sue}}}.

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Hope you are ok, JaiJai

That looks like a very fun boat, ken!

Congratulations on getting off the drip lil sis : )

Hope therapy went ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

{{{{Sue}}}} {{{{Jai}}}}

Your spirit continues to amaze me, Sue. It's great that you have a wonderful therapist. I hope you are feeling better very soon. Take care of you.

well i guess ive hit the insomnia zone - again, YaY!

and its that time of night well to be correct early morning where poor little brainy goes into overdrive, BIGGER YaY!

reckon too much thinking is bad for yer - and should come with a public health warning

still things are moving, sometimes forwards - often backwards, guess at least no two days are exactly the same recently, so im grateful for that if nothing else.

dont know what mood im gonna be in later, hmmm, or in ten minutes time - thats the joy of rapid mood swings for yer. and that causes me a few problems and awkward moments - thankfully nothing i consider major.

im sad, but happy, and certainly confused much of the time - about pretty much everything - hense all the thinking and rethinking. thats the trouble when nothing makes sense, ya have to keep tryna work it all out - eventually ultimately it sends ya crazy and you end up either dead or in this frigging place exsisting - which im sure and im personally convinced that there isnt really much difference for either situation.

maybe tomorrow, maybe someday things'll work out - who knows, with me that could and WILL most likely be anything :eek:

take care everyone

Would physical activity help, SueSue? Something to regulate your body like walking or yoga?

Hope your day is ok, lil sis!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just wanted to say hello.