This loss for me hasn't begun to get easier, not even the slightest bit yet. People say with time, things will get easier, but I find that it's gotten worse. The last four days have been horrible as far as flashbacks, reliving his funeral, vivid dreams that would make a boxoffice hit if it were a horror movie. I miss him. I feel that the way I'm dealing with the grief at this point and time is the way I will have to get used to dealing with it for good. I fear it's permanent. I fear it wil drive me mad. I fear it will continue to create fears and continue to make me this emotional mess with crying outbursts, withdrawing myself from the outside world.
I'm lying in bed now with the light on... not really wanting to turn it off. I somehow feel the light will protect me from what often lies in the darkness behind my eyes while I sleep.
It's been a long, hard road, and I pray it gets easier, but as of right now, 10 months later, there's no relief in sight. It's very discouraging to think the rest of my life will be filled with this heart breaking grief. I don't want to be sad forever. Nobody does.