I just worry, Sue. Not so much about the self-harm, because I trust you when you say you're not doing it. But some might argue that messing around with the DV crew could be harmful to you ...

I don't think you're stupid in any way, Sue. I think that sometimes you're taken over by parts that formed at a very young age. But I do believe they're doing the best they can. What they need is for grown-up Sue to help them out sometimes.

Old habits are hard to beat, but old friends can help.

It's great that you feel proud of yourself for changes you've made, Sue.

It must feel frightening when external events and/or people affect your life so much. One thing you do have control of, though, is how you treat yourself. It's always okay to cry and feel hurt. Are you able to connect with the parts of you that hurt? Maybe it helps to comfort you or at least stand with yourself when you're hurting? I know when I'm feeling really hurt, sometimes I forget about myself and that I need to take care of me. So I understand it can be difficult. Reminders can be helpful. You can always lean on your friends here until you find your way.

Sorry things are so hard, Sue.

Things aint so bad - certainly things have been a heck of a lot worse over the years. Things are just ..... erm there. I dont know how else to word it. And all I can do with things that are 'there' is ignore them the best I can, in hopes that things settle down enough to take the edge off - enough that its, so atleast being is bearable - even for a short while.

Good job Im still as stubborn as ever!

Not sure that there is such a thing as grown-up Sue - wish there were though, right now I'd probably settle for sensible Sue - where ever the heck shes done a runner too, sheeze only knows.

I'm doing whatever I can to get by - without getting into stuff that, even with me being this screwed, I know that I should not be doing.

My friends here (old or otherwise!) are about the only people I know in my heart and head that I can trust. I dont kinow how I'd of coped this far without ya all!

One things for sure, Im no-longer feeling sad, sorry for myself, upset, angry, or well anything - thats gotta be a good thing.

How are you, Sue?

Sue, I struggle to keep my grown-up self in the room. I'm left abandoned by her quite often!

Every day is another chance though....

I like what you said... maybe sensible self is a good one to aim for

Well, today was 'THE' day - I'm now officially no-longer a Sue - heartbroken, Oh heck YES, over what a ....... stupid name - and a very common one at that! So why its made me feel so broken I cant really say

Yes I can, ...... Sue may well be a stupid common as muck name, but.... it was my stupid common as muck name - I'm kinda attached to it still - even if legally, coz of (tedious) legal paper work I'm nolonger attached to it.

Obviously I had to change my surname too, but that part dont bother me none - well not too much.

I'm nolonger me - the last part of me finally stolen coz of that SOB, I never wanted to be anything else other than Sue, and now, well Im NOT!!!!!

And it hurts, and yes I know I'm whinging, and as ever concentrating on the negatives of it all - sorry, really I am - cant seem to help myself right now.

I s'pose the possitive parts of me should be celebrating, that now that I'm not a Sue, the last remaining thing my 'wonderful' and oh, so 'loving' parents (NOT! NOT! NOT!) gave to me, has now, at the filling in of a few legal documents etc.... been erased from all exsistance. YAY me! I can rid them for all eternity (- possibly). I can recreate , erase, dispose of, forget even, pretend , that maybe I was never born, just arrived extremely late by stork mail, at the age of 39 (and a bit). I wonder if I can get compensation for such a blatant lack of the stork doing its job efficently?

I need to figure some shit out (obviously), despite all my efforts not to be, yet again I can feel myself being drawn into a place, I know from experience not to go. And possibly I s'pose I'm just over-reacting, and being self indulgant, self pity'ing. Sorry.

Oh Happy Days

Here's a silly question: why couldn't your new identity still be a Sue? It's not as if he could find you by searching through all the Sue's in the United Kingdom ...

My recommendation: you're still Sue. If I can use my middle name instead of my first name, you can simply give your name to everybody you meet as Sue. If anyone has difficulty with that, just say it's a nickname.

You could make one of those name tags: "Hi, My name is ...." SUE.

If you just arrived by stork, that must've been one huge-ass bird! :-)

Ohhhhh my. What has happened with this guy's probation? Sure hope they locked him up again :(

My dear friend, we know you and you are you. Let us know what you'd like to try on and we'll take it step by step. You could come here to be Sue or we could flow right with you into the next name that you need. Any way you shake it you are my lil' sis.

[[[ I'm so right brained names and labels don't really say it for me anyway!!! ]]]

Yep, big bro, it was one huge-ass bird

I dont know why I had to change my first name too, this time - the DV team said it might be worth thinking about, and worth considering seriously - well, thinking, and considering has never been a strong point wiv me - so was easier just to do it

Well legally Im a Daisy now - it was that or Gertie, and well I'm was too short to be a Gertie.....

I was just over-reacting yesterday, I've calmed down about things enough to realise that now - its just a name. And at anyrate I'm in a hyper today - and being down is just wayyyyyyy tooooo depressing, and a bit like hard work.

Reckon if things have to change then they may aswell change everydarn thing in one go, rather than drag it out....

It could be okay, it'll be just like pretending to be someone else for the rest of my life - I could be anyone! Might even go back to schooling, and be a mature (ha, as if I could ever behave mature) student. If nothing else , it could be fun, hmmm, and I might learn something - shock horror

Hellloooooooooooo Daisy Day SueSue!!!

(I found your beach towel!)

...Hope your day is ok, dear one

thanks for the winnie the pooh gang Beth and I'm loving my new beach towel - cheers big sis

Well, I've had a fairly uneventful weekend, was a little naughty and met up wiv a couple of friends - ooopsie - still what no-one knows cant hurt 'em - or get me told off! I was careful and met them 40 odd miles away from here, and more importantly a fair distance away from where I was living. Sheeze only knows wot got into me, it was go meet them or get pissed, and well, why drink in the apartment alone, when you can get drunk with mates. Though by the time I saw my friends I didnt want alcohol, just needed a hug and to see friendly faces,so didnt bother. Didnt tell them my new names - was going too, but then thought better of it.

Today I go see the lovely bank manager, sort out me new details and order new card etc - not gonna be fun. Though I never go overdrawn or anything, its just so grown up, and reminds me of going to see the headmaster back in school.

Should find out later today where they are moving me to this time - though the actual move wont be for a few more weeks yet. I'm a bit worried at where they are gonna shove me, but I s'pose I should be grateful that they are gonna shove me somewhere - and I am really, just wish none of this happened in the first place. But wishes are like fairy tales, no matter how much faith or belief I have in them, it does not make them real. Bummer

{{{Love ya DaisySue}}}

I wish none of this had happened to you, too.

Maybe, Sue, the name Daisy can be a comforting reminder of sis?

You're still you. You will always be Sue. The name change can't change your heart and mind. But I hear you that it is upsetting. Hope today was okay for you.

My sis, gosh even now I still miss her and think of her daily, though how can I miss her really - she is and always will be in my heart and a part of me, perhaps I just mean I miss hanging round wiv her, and being able to hug her - I dunno - hard to explain really, a similar feeling that I have where my babies are concerned (though I dont s'pose they are babies anymore - they must all be so grown by now) ........

Anyways, no point my head going there today - way too much else to think about and possibly even actually 'do'.

I've an overload of information I have to force myself to read, and paperwork to do - not to mention people that I need to get in contact with - presently I am blissfully ignoring everything, and hiding out in the local library, trying to get me stupid head round it all is just too frigging much for me to deal with - so have decided, I'm not gonna, coz right now idgaf coz well, just dma!

Think Im just a bit low, and need to just dissapear from the radar, just for a while.

another day and Im, well Im pretty much feeling P'ed off. dunno why and not really sure that I care much niether. think im crashing, just a bit.so much for me not whinging huh, that lasted all of about five frigging minutes.stop the world,i wanna get off! like now!!!!!!if only i could just shut the heck up the inside of me, pity its not as easy as avoiding what i should be doing the now really. shit happens i guess.but i want it all to just stop.

I'm so sorry for this whirlwind, DaisyDaySueSue :(

Is there any nature in your new surroundings?

Wish we could go for a walk together.

How are things now?

Mother nature is everywhere, even in this concrete man made hell. Ya just have to sit quietly for a long, long while to observe it - which is never a bad thing I like sitting on the bench outside the apartment and watching the autumn leaves fall - its actually supprisingly relaxing,

I'm not down anymore - Yay Me! (yesterday was just a self pity'ing blip - oops)

I'm moving a week on monday, and have finally been given my new address, havnt seen it yet though - it was too far away from here to view it ( it'll certainly be a suprise when I see it) - soooooo Im HYPER, and cannot settle myself - at all! I'm well excited, never thought I'd react like this, not in a million - but I'm so not complaining.

So, I got me a week, to go Shopping ( I will force myself ) and buy new furniture and electrical goods and, well Everything. I'm starting from scratch (Again).

My whole life, its MADNESS, and I think I may well be reacting to it a tad hysterically - what else is a girl to do

How are you doing todayyyyy???

I love your idea of sitting and watching the leaves fall. If the rain lets up I want to do that this weekend

What colors are you going with for furniture? Found anything with daisies???

OK, I have come to the conclusion that I officially HATE shopping! Im shattered, and I swear just one more shop assistant tryna sell me shite that quite honestly I'm sure my own grandmother would never of bought, and I will SCREAM! very loudly. (Though technically I never knew my grandmothers, as they died long before I can remember or maybe even long before I were born - yet, somehow, I am absolutely sure they had great taste )

Ive seen that much furniture that Im on overload - and havnt bought a darn thing , despite spending all weekend and all day today trapsing round shops, I havnt even given a thought to paint or wall paper as I cant get that till I know what colour the sofa I choose is, or indeed the flooring, which I hasten to add I've only just given the slightest thought to. Couldnt even decide on crockery style or which cutlery to get.

If I'm brave enough to admit it, think I'm scared of buying belongings that I will enjoy or even love having, only to have to loose 'em all again someday, you wouldnt believe the amount of times this past month I've gone to do something, then sadly realised I cant anymore, coz its gone - so frigging frustrating.

Cant I just bury me head in the sand - please

Any luck yet, Daisy??? Hope you find something with a Daisy on it somewhere....

(((((( hugs to you, sis ))))))