I'm sorry, (((A.))) ...

I hope you won't listen to your mother and won't let her or anybody else to prevent you from going to see the psychiatrist. (You're even already legally responsible for yourself = you don't need your parents' permission to see any doctor.) It's important. I know it will be hard with a family who has such strong prejudices towards psychiatrists and their patients, but isn't it very hard already? Don't let them take this help from you. (And also... when choosing the psychiatrist; do know you have the right to see more than one if you have any doubts or bad feelings about the first one. If something seemed to go worse, then you'd always have the chance to see another doctor - so you don't have to be "too" scared by going there. Just give them a chance to help you and try to help them with it.)

Maybe this is the turning point; you've finally got the advise to see a psychiatrist from a professional, it's not only upon yourself to decide anymore. Moreover, the panic attack might not have been the last one , so... the sooner you start dealing with this new problem, the better - the less it would be probable to have many more.

You've suffered from OCD for several years already, now there seems to be a new problem. Would you want a 3rd-one to become convinced that seeking professional help is better than doing nothing or ... harming yourself?

BTW, your mother might change her mind if she sees that you're getting better. (Sometimes / some people change their opinion if new facts emerge .)

And; what's the point? I see that you're tired and that solving your problems will require your efforts and some energy. But the efforts have a worth. There is a point. Maybe you can't see it now, but you'll certainly will see it when you'll be much better.

Take care! And good luck!

Sometimes parents can be confused and have their own struggles and fears too. It's very important for all of us to take care of ourselves. Are you still in school? Is there someone you might speak with there? I hope you are able to see someone, Andromeda.

No,IJ Im in university.Well I dont think I have anybody to talk.Im tired of feeling hopeless

You're feeling hopeless, but hope is still there. Maybe just try acting as not hopeless and the right feeling will come later.

Hugs,

L.