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An eye to the future

Victimorthecrime

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Perhaps the most consistent and consequential error of my life has been failing to look to the future. I get very caught up in the drama, misery, inertia and fleeting pleasures of today without regard to tomorrow.

When you don't feel that drive, that hunger, it is hard to gaze at the horizon and envision a better day. A big factor is accepting that good things can happen, that it won't all be wasted effort.



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I suck at planning and get nervous when I think about the future, the uncertainty that it holds and the efforts that would likely be required to secure it. I have always been this way. Is change possible? I wish I knew, I wish I knew.

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i read the article to which you linked, and while i don't wanna be a buzzkill, but i can't help but be critical of such preposterous statements; preposterous not because they're completely untrue, just impractical, and are mostly useless (as i will demonstrate). to be honest, some of what hesays in the article makes sense, but like i said, there are caveats; 1- a person can't just start perceiving things differently by sheer will power; i'm sure many have tried and failed. 2- even if people could just decide to change their perception at will, doing it in adulthood would be of very limited benefit, because we are done growing and developing (specially physically); in fact we would inevitably be declining, no matter what we do or perceive. so all we can really do at this stage is slow down the decline, at best. 3- and last but not least, is the fact that there are many genetic traits that we can't change ("positively") no matter what we perceive, even in the most critical developmental years of our childhoods. for instance, i doubt that a person can ever actually be able to change their eye color to their desired color; or his/her complexion, hair color, and even things like ideal height, etc..

so all a person can really do (theoretically) is reduce or minimize the negative potential traits in his/her genes, and only at a young age, and with much work, dedication, discipline, effort, time, and energy. i doubt even a child einstein could pull it off. as for us old folk, we should focus on more attainable goals, like winning the lottery, and finding the fountain of youth.

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Staying youthful and winning the lottery are indeed 2 of my goals.

Solid points resolute. These self help articles are always a bit "hippy dippy airy fairy" but what I found appealing is that it showed how contrary to popular opinion science does not say genes mandate the state of one's being. Your genes interact with the world and both influence and are influenced.

Thanks Irma and yes I agree that some degree of change is always possible.

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Your genes interact with the world and both influence and are influenced.

Yes. I feel there are a lot of factors at play, including biology, environment, and experience.

Changing one's perceptions is very challenging and a lot of hard work without a doubt, but it is possible. It isn't something that can be changed at will, I don't think. We have to challenge our own thoughts and also allow for the possibility of other thoughts. I have been able to make some positive changes in the past 10 years that began when I went to therapy. It was very upsetting and distressful, at first, allowing the different thoughts because they went against everything I had believed for nearly 40 years, but after a while I began to view things differently and still do now years later. Much healthier thinking for me, I feel.

I wish everyone healing.

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what doyou do to help yourslef stop thnking about, focusing on, being caughtup in whatis not working well today.

ibelieve i am living exampleof making change. some sib lings did some did not. none are like me...i am notlike them. okbut -no-backtoyou ---genetics or birthorder, nurturing doesitmatter

wheni havemultiple projects or dreams i want tomake a reality -and i always do - even onerequires seeing nowand the pathto later. i havea tendency to see end-bigand broad so i often usean emptyphoto fra me to physical ly see a narrow view. more of getting my mindto visualze-narrow focus.

i lived i n thehippie dippie time andi am grateful forall the -heavy- -deep- discussions with groups andlectures. mind wasopend to possibilities, pipedreams werenotonly from a joint, we feltempowdered adn we felt -we- hadto andc ould make theworld a better place. -forgot-mmm hit aflat spot.oops nevermind

i ve been wantingto ask allwho give andsupport others here, onthis site ---doyou do that in your family, community, reachout to help and learnfrom others. give of yourself and receive more. doyou feed you re funchild as wellas the adult.

doing this has made me seewhat i could not. s eeing someone else mak e whatlooked imposs ible -possilbe. watching, seeing,learning asking how.helping andbeing helped. not hippie,not newage---doeable now...narrow inand look out---seethe changes happen. life/others are inspiring. boththe negative and positive can moveyou to feel the drive and feel hungry to try something for someone elseand both benefit. water your seedsof happiness.take / make a smallstep somewhere y ou haven t before. makeit as important as feeding y our emptystomach.feed someoneelse also withall you have to share.it s a lot and is valuable.

im trying and ihope you tryandtry again andagain.it becomesa way of viewing your place,you re connectionto...everything in life.

ok steppingoff my soapbox.

wishi couldspeak tohelp more. iam ableto speak severalwords no w.

youcandoit just take one step,it actuallyisn't of f your path

sorry there are a lotof shoulds,coulds.i believe we each havemore potential than we see/use.

ok to all iam gratefulfor all i ve learned fromyou. tu

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are youable to understandwhati wrote. i knowitis a puzzle to work,butif you cannoti can havesomeone typeaclear mes asge. i needto know for you.i know itsfullof errors.

i m not suggestingbywhta i wrotethat anyone willagree and or seeaneasy path forward to change.and sometimes weare not ready=unable. i getthat.

isee allofyoutrying to acceptand find comfortthrough ans wers.

bewell

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iam ableto speak severalwords no w.

:) That is wonderful, k!!

I read your messages and hear my friend loud and clear.

Best wishes to all here as well.

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"what doyou do to help yourslef stop thnking about, focusing on, being caughtup in whatis not working well today." - that is good advise ken Ian. As I sit here having coffee getting ready for my workday I am all about "doing my best and letting go of the rest".

The secret is to focus on what you CAN do and act on it. My life is my life; someone else's life is their life. I can only live mine. I have spent too much time with pointless misery causing comparisons. Each moment is a moment we will never see again. I want to engage my life directly w/o the burden of judgement.

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Had a decent Memorial Day weekend and it isn't over yet. Of course I hate the thought of returning to work & have the St. John's Wort at the ready.

Probably go for a walk today, although I have been favoring yoga lately to some good effect.

I had some good insights last week about how my I can be more content in life by reclaiming my thought processes by thinking the thoughts I want to think even when events conspire to derail that. I have a bad habit of going to the extreme negative the minute something goes wrong. To me it seems like most people are the same way. We would be well served to at least be open to the possibility of something good happening.

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Yeah for positivity. :)

You are gaining awareness and I think this can help slow down some negative responses we commonly have. Being open to the possibilities...yes.

I find walking very therapeutic.

I'm glad you enjoyed the weekend.

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