I don't know why, but right now I feel more depressed than I have in a long time. Possibly ever, although I have been suicidal before, and I am not suicidal now. I am experiencing waves of absolute hopelessness that just engulf me out of the blue. I used to not be able to understand how someone could be so depressed that they couldn't work or even get out of bed. Now I understand.
Possibly it's because I stopped exercising, so I started that again today. No improvement after a workout though, guess I need to give it more time. I'm concerned about this because there is only so long this can go on before I do start having thoughts of escape. I'm doing everything in my power to reverse it, though, including this journal entry. I wish I knew what I was here for, so that I could just get it done and over with. Why is this so hard to figure out?