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Im worthless

Andromeda

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I cant take this anymore. My life is mess. I need to feel secure in my life and to have somebody who makes me feel like this, but my mother and father just scream and I never feel safe. Im so tired of anxiety. My friends make me feel fine and happy, but it wont be for long, because its my last year in university. I just want not to feel so alone. I have problems with my health and I dont have money to do something. Its hard for me to find job,because I look shy and stupid. Im worthless. Im trying not to feel suicidal, but when I think where my life is going-its hard.



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I'm so sorry, A. :( ... I hope you'll go to the dentist soon - your health is the most important. And couldn't you borrow the money for the exam? Perhaps even just small amounts from several people (so each contribution would be just small).

And, please, ask the doctor about your bones and teeth! Genetics can contribute, but it's very, very improbable that you'd have such problems (+ the very low weight) just due to a rare genetic condition. You have to find out what's wrong. In the meantime; do you already know from the web what you should eat (and perhaps do) to improve your  bones and teeth? Have you tried changing your diet?

I'm sorry it hurts and I'm sorry you have to do such choices. But, please, don't neglect your health... We care about you, we worry... And one day, you'll care about yourself, too. And you could regret very much the past neglects ("the past" is "the precent" now)...

Hugs!

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Ouch on your tooth. :( I'm sorry you feel forced to choose between school and your health due to finances. Does your dentist allow monthly payments or possibly have a credit care plan?

Vitamin D deficiency is very common where I live and I was deficient too for a time so my doctor suggested supplements. Are you also having issues with your bones? :(

 I hope you are able to see a dentist as soon as possible. Take care of yourself, Andromeda.

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14 hours ago, sedsed said:

Do you take vitamins? Like vitamin D? That might help with your bones and teeth, without having to change your diet, no offense lala...

 

This was what I meant - vitamins and minerals. Changing diet = eating more vitamine D and calcium and magnesium and perhaps some other things that are essentials for healthy bones. It's ideal when one has all from a healthy diet (diet = what one eats, not "a restricted from of eating with the aim to loose weight"! That's a big problem with English - one word has too many, sometimes even contradictory, meanings...), taking supplements is necessary only in some cases and it's always better to consult it with a doctor first. 

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Sunlight can also be beneficial for vitamin D, but one has to be cautious regarding that as well. I agree with LaLa about consulting and working with a doctor. 

Do you like flowers, Andromeda? Sharing some pink with you.

9023390-Pink-cosmos-field-and-sky-Stock-

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I like flowers :) (I didnt like them only when I had to study for my botany exam :D )Thank you IJ.

I went to dentist. My tooth was bad, I had pulpite and the dentist remove the nerve of the tooth,because it was dead. She is going to treat the tooth and she will try to save it. I hope it wont be nessesery to remove it. Now it dont hurt so much, but maybe I will have to take antibiotic, because infection was bad. I had temperature yesterday thats why I didnt write soon.

My doctor thinks that I have problem with thyroid hormones, but I will try to change my diet too.

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Thank you for the pictures Lala. I love nature, but most time I dont have time or money to go somewhere.

Im doing like always. The dentist is treating the tooth. I had one good night with my frriends, but other days are just depressing. Im sleeping more and Im only lying in bed.

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:( 

I know myself very well how absurdly hard it can be to force oneself to do something good for yourself when you feel depressed and perhaps also that "nothing really matters". I also know the "lying in bed", I've just been almost always lucky that something forced me to get up "in the end" and do at least something. It's better, even if you don't enjoy the activity very much. Could I force you to get up ;) ? Let's try it, at least in this indirect way: Get up, if the weather isn't too bad, go out for a walk, spend some time in the nearest park or even in another-one, further away. At home, research new ways how to enrich your diet to "feed your bones and teeth", find some inspiration. Have something good to eat. If you're too tired and/or depressed to read, try some podcasts or videos. You may understand only partially, but it's OK; it's really a good way to improve your English without having to "learn", without being "active" when you don't have energy and motivation. (I know that it works from my own experiences with both English and French.)

Another thing from my experience: It's more or less dangerous to stay too much in bed (or passive in another way) :( . It often only makes you feel worse, but mainly; you get too much used to it and finding energy and motivation to get up and do something can become more difficult. I don't say it's "forever"; you can easily change for better when your situation change and something new motivates you (like when your friends called you - it probably wasn't too hard to go out with them). But in such case, you probably have to have a strong external motivation; achieving internal motivation gets more and more difficult. So, my advise would be: Try to escape such a trap; be active as much as you can when it's not yet too difficult to do it - don't let your passivity to make you even more passive. I know it's hard. I have troubles to follow my own advise :( ! But who knows; perhaps you'll be luckier and more successful! ;) 

 

 

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There is also another thing I'd highly recommend, although I still "can't" do it myself (but in my case, there are "linguistic barriers" which discourage me :( ): Try to find opportunities to be a volunteer. Either one organisation, where you could become a part of a community, or even several places where you could come once in a while to help. It could improve your self-esteem (you'd see you're able to do good for others "in practice"), it could make you less depressed, it could improve your socialisation skills, it could even bring you some new friends and / or info about available jobs. The hardest part is to begin; to force yourself to choose and to go there. I know from several friends that the volunteering itself can really improve life to people who feel depressed, lonely, useless, ... I wish you so much to overcome all this and find quickly such an "unpaid job" before getting employed. Of course I don't (and cannot) force you; I just really wish you well ad this sounds like a very good idea to me. What do you think?

BTW; it occurred to me that one of the ways how to improve your diet and your appetite without having to pay for some vitamines in pills would be to eat yeast. I know it sounds probably bizarre, but even if you can't buy the dried form of inactive yeast that is meant for direct consummation (like nutritional yeast or marmite http://nutritiondata.self.com/facts/custom/1323565/2 ), you can always use the traditional ones - people use to make different spreads with it, for instance. I know there is mainly the vitamine B spectrum and you'd need probably mainly vit. D and some minerals, but I'm sure this couldn't harm and it could even make you good, mainly if you have some digestive problems that decrease your vitamine absorption. Have you ever tried it?

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Thank you for ideas Lala. Im trying but its hard. This month weather here is awful thats why I dont go out often. I was thinking about volunteer work before, but in my country always is hard to do something like this. I watch a lot videos so this is something I do a lot- most times science videos, but others too. Im trying to study and read more books to keep my mind active, but sometimes I just want to sleep and dont do anything. I just need people I guess, but I cant see my friends a lot. Next month I will pay for card for transport so I can meet them more often and center of the city have more opportunities to meet new people than staying in my part of the city.

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It's a shame that the weather is so bad now :( . (Here, the October was unusually warm!)

I'm glad to hear you have at least such fine ways of keeping yourself busy :) . 

Perhaps you can also have a look at these quotes I posted - some of them might be interesting for you, too, although it's often "about therapy":

http://www.mentalsupportcommunity.net/index.php?/topic/10338-interesting-perspective-on-therapy-and-knowing-onself/

I'm always quite busy and don't communicate as much as I'd love to - one reason being that there are many people I communicate with (even more lately - I have, for instance, some new acquaintances from my french cours and we started e-mailing each other and I also occasionally write a message to the teacher (with questions or comments), ...). Anyway; communication is a good way of keeping oneself busy - I recommend it to you, even though I seem to "complain" about it ;) (that it takes me much time). You can, as yo know, always write to me - I have enough time to read; that's the answers that are sometimes problematic... but I'll try... :) 

 

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On 10/28/2016 at 10:06 PM, Andromeda said:

I was thinking about volunteer work before, but in my country always is hard to do something like this.

I've been wondering about this... It's "hard" in what ways? 

Anyway, i hope it will become easier and much more common soon. In our country, the number of opportunities "exploded" some years ago - so many websites and organisations...! And it's still "relatively little" compared to Canada, for instance. So things do change. But perhaps you could also think about how to change this situation, just a little. There are always a few people who make a big difference. For instance, you might do searches to discover the diverse faces of volunteering in some other countries and think about some inspirational ideas... Don't worry, I don't say you "should" organize something, build an organisation or a website, ... but perhaps being well informed would make you prepared in case you meet somebody who thinks about these issues, would like to do something, but searches for people who would contribute by their ideas and time.

Yes, I'm fantasizing once again :o , but it's just to give you a chance to be inspired - if this is something that would interest you. :) 

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Hi, A.,

I'm sorry I haven't noticed your post sooner! The "traffic" on this site has been quite busy lately so I fail to see and react to everything I'd like to.

To your question: I think you generalize based on some bad experiences with people who either can't (or don't bother) show you that you (and what you do) are (is) important, or with people who are too busy or stressed out with their own problems that they've become self-centred and "don't look" at others, don't appreciate them, probably only with the exceptions when somebody does something very extraordinary.

Would you like to explain what happened? What provoked the feelings that you're not important - and important to whom?

Hugs,

L.

 

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Hi, A.,

I'm sorry I haven't noticed your post sooner! The "traffic" on this site has been quite busy lately so I fail to see and react to everything I'd like to.

To your question: I think you generalize based on some bad experiences with people who either can't (or don't bother) show you that you (and what you do) are (is) important, or with people who are too busy or stressed out with their own problems that they've become self-centred and "don't look" at others, don't appreciate them, probably only with the exceptions when somebody does something very extraordinary.

Would you like to explain what happened? What provoked the feelings that you're not important - and important to whom?

Hugs,

L.

 

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Nothing provoked these feelings. Just staying home and thinking. I know I have to change my life, but I cant now and Im just stitting at home when people live. They have work, they study. I just exist. I want to know that Im important to others and that make them happy or something.

You dont have to answer every time when I post something on my blog,Lala So dont worry. But of course your comments are always nice and thank you for caring :)

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Nothing new in my life. I study for my exams and go out with friends sometimes. Its great that they still care for me. Even when I cant go with them sometimes they call and they say that they miss me. Its so nice :)  I didnt have bad anxiety, but OCD sometimes is more strong, at least at night. But for now I can manage the symptoms. One of my friends had anxiety attack and I stayed on the phone with her. she said that I helped her and understood her, maybe because I have experience with anxiety.

Thanks for asking Resolute. How are you doing?

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I felt depressed this week and ocd was not helping. My mom just said that depression is not chemical imbalance in brain, but people just dont have will to fight and antidepressants will not help.

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(((A))) I'm sorry you've been feeling worse :( .

Did you speak with your mother about it because you wanted her approval for you to see a psychiatrist and try medication? If so, why would you need her approval? You're now over 18, you can decide for yourself. I suppose you have to pay a part of the price of the meds, but... couldn't you use some spare money of yours for it? Are all too expensive?

I'm not saying you "have to" take an antidepressant - perhaps not. (Psychotherapy would probably be better, but... I know it's even less available :( .) But if you finally feel you'd be willing to try it, I'll support and encourage you. Just ignore your mom - she's not a physician or scientist or even biologist or psychologist, so why would her opinion matter??

Take care!

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