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  1. Today
  2. Hello Sheepish, New here, but I've spent hours upon hours looking at forums and articles over the years regarding to women's opinion on size and I have to say, I think you might be the most kind and understanding woman I've ever come across on any of them. I totally disagree with the advice that the two of you should separate. If I ever have a relationship, and I somehow came across these posts from her on a forum like this, I'd be so overwhelmingly joyful that it's hard to put into words. I can see how much you love him and it genuinely touched me on a deep level. You've given me hope, actually. So thank you. I honestly see a happy ending here. In your own time, in your own way, tell him the things you said about him on here. I'd even consider showing this thread to him but I 100% see why you wouldn't want to as well. All the best to you
  3. Yesterday
  4. Thanks a lot for your thoughtful reply! My name is actually a reference to the album "..and the Circus Leaves Town" by the rock band Kyuss. The reason I chose this name is because that album has not one but two songs relating to small penises and the struggles they cause. "One Inch Man" and "Size Queen." The music is pretty rocking and cathartic to listen to. Even if you take these songs out of their catalogue they're still one of my favourite acts. I didn't check into hospital. My dad actually phoned me to ask if I was okay, which is quite unusual, and for the first time in my life I actually spoke about this aloud with someone. He was very sympthetic, I could tell he really felt bad. Anyway, we've agreed that I probably need therapy, like you said. My only concern though, I once had therapy for social anxiety (I didn't tell them about this problem.) and the therapist. I was telling her how my boss makes me nervous and she said something like "he probably has a really small dick." I walked out of the session and reported her straight away. I didn't hear anything back but this experience has put me off therapy as well even therapists make fun of small dicks... wow. Unreal. That didn't help me either and probably set me back a few years
  5. Hello, @CircusLeavesTown (what a creative screen-name ), welcome! I'm glad you decide to vent and share your struggles with us (mainly instead of doing something bad to yourself!). I hope communicating with some people suffering from the same issues here will help you in some ways. How are you feeling now? Did you decide to check yourself into hospital? I'm relieved to hear that you're thinking this way - searching for help instead of acting impetuously... Your situation, mainly that shows you'd need a good psychotherapist. There's no shame in seeking professional help. It may be difficult to find the right person (a good 'fit'), but it's definitely worth the searching. I totally agree with you that society is outrageously horrible in this regard (and many others, BTW); this kind of "jokes" and attitudes is mind-bogglingly shameful. I admire that you don't blame nor hate women as such, in general, despite the painful experiences that you had with some. Cuddle therapy is wonderful!! It's great that you've discovered it . As you may know, there are asexual people and they do want relationships. I'm sure there's a dating website for asexuals; you can try that. I don't know how they would see the fact that you were not born asexual, just started to have issues around sex, but I suppose some of them wouldn't mind. But I don't think that it would be a permanent solution (although, who knows; in case you'd find "the right person", you might want to live with her in an asexual relationship. Moreover, I've read that some of them make love with their partner = they don't mind, just don't need / want / seek it.) Anyway, therapy would be the best option in my opinion. What do you think? Take care!
  6. @Ben Strothmann In your experience, would you say the guys who characterize themselves as masculine/str8/bi/curious/“trans only!” (the “NO HOMO, BRO” types who only post headless, shirtless torso pics of themselves) tend to be more inflexible in size preference and prefer big ones than the feminine men/more typically homosexual guys like yourself?
  7. Every day of my life is a struggle, but lately I genuinely don't know how much longer I carry on living. I'm 30 and my SPS affects my life in every way imaginable...from my nonexistent self esteem and confidence, to the choice of clothing I buy. When I was 16 I had my first girlfriend. We both said we wanted to lose our virginity together. We had a few foreplay sessions but she broke up with me within 2 months. I later found out that she cheated on me and lost her virginity with someone else, and that she was telling all her friends about my size. Ever since this, my confidence is below zero and I've tried a couple of times to be intimate with women but I find it impossible to achieve an erection infront of a woman because of crippling anxiety. One of the women actually commented on my size straight away, which did not help. It's got so bad that even if I THINK about sex, I get major panic attacks, my breathing becomes uncontrollable and I rock back and forth, like a stereotypical mental patient. I associate with all the symptoms of SPS and I actually had a breakdown while reading it. The only symptom I can't relate to (anymore) is anger towards women. I used to be, but not anymore. I don't blame people for their preferences. However, I'm angry with society and with the world we live in. Body shaming in 2020 is unacceptable, except if you're shaming small penises, in which case it's actually encouraged. Phrases like "big dick energy" confirm this. Or the fact that it's okay to assume that an abuser or murderer has a small penis. Lily Allen writes songs about guys with small penises and how disgusting we are. She's a liberal icon.. which I find mind blowing. I'm not looking for sympathy. I just need to vent because there's no one I can talk to about this. The way I'm feeling tonight, I can see me checking myself into hospital just so I won't be alone and tempted to kill myself. I've actually recently discovered cuddle therapy. It's not illegal or taboo.. literally just two consenting people cuddling for 1 or 2 hours. The positive I took from this is that it's made me realise that maybe I don't want or need sex. Cuddling is all I need at this point. But maybe it's unrealistic to hope for a relationship with no sex involved?
  8. Hey guys. From skimming the posts above, I get the feeling most of the guys here are heterosexual. I'd like to offer my perspective, in hopes that it might help you to hear a gay man's thoughts on the matter of penis size. If you think it's rough out there with women (I mean I can only imagine as I have no sexual experience with women), try and imagine what it's like between men. Any time I hook up with a guy, when it comes time for the big reveal... ONE of us is (almost) always going to be bigger than the other. (Yeah, every now and then it's a draw, which is always kinda fun in like a solidarity or "twinzies!" kinda way.) And yeah, I'll admit that in the gay community there is definitely a bias towards bigger penises. Especially considering we generally have more (..... i mean like..... wayyyyy more) sex partners in our lifetime, and so we see a lot more dick than your average heterosexual woman. So we tend to have a much wider frame of reference, and so at a certain point, while an above average penis is always appreciated, every gay guy I know has a tall tale about the biggest dick they've ever seen on a guy. I myself am not entirely happy with my penis size, and yet I am a little larger than average. I would never use the word "hung" to describe myself. Especially when I'm not erect as I'm fully a grower, not at all a shower. And yet, I ALSO have a lot of negative thoughts and feelings associated with my penis size. There's always the fear that the other guy is gonna be a "size queen" and when he discovers what I've got (or if my penis isn't in full "grower" mode and at attention) that he's going to reject me because I'm not enough of a buffet for him. And lately I've been doing the emotional work to present myself during sex without reservation, without apology, happily presenting what I've got. And on those occasions when I am with a partner who I know isn't judging me by my penis size, or isn't hung up on inches, there is such a feeling of relief at knowing I can just let my guard down and stop having to audition my junk. THAT SAID... I want to express to you those of you writing about having a 3 or 4 inch penis... I ABSOLUTELY welcome and APPRECIATE and ENJOY you! Do I like a big dick? Hell yeah! There are porn stars and models out there with gargantuan dicks and I ABSOLUTELY enjoy looking at (or on occasion hooking up with) them. AND...... I can also FULLY appreciate a man with a 3 or 4 inch dick. I have DATED men with penises around that size, and the sex was NO less magical and memorable and enjoyable. I realize that's the exception and that most people don't feel that way. Also, I wasn't ALWAYS that way. I bought into the cultural influence that bigger is better, and so I used to let that influence what I found myself attracted to. But when I allowed myself to think critically about it, I realized that my preference for larger penises was entirely arbitrary, almost as if it's a decision that our culture made FOR me. The more I've learned into the issue, and the more I've allowed myself to hook up with, date, and empathize with men of smaller penis size -- the more I find a guy's dick size irrelevant. Is it "good news" to me when I find out a guy has a big dick? SURE!! But it's also good news to me to find out he's rich. It's good news to find out he's also sober (in recovery here.) It's ESPECIALLY GREAT news to find out he's vegan. EVEN BETTER if he's a spreadsheet nerd like me! Alternately, if the guy doesn't have much of a dick, but he makes up for it with a great ass, or great arms, or a sexy face, it's a totally even trade-off. Over New Year's Eve, I hooked up with a guy I hadn't met before while out of town. This was some of the most incredible sex I've had in recent memory. In this case, I was the top, he was the bottom. He wore a jock strap, which isn't entirely uncommon, so despite how mind blowing the sex was -- it's funny to think that I actually DO NOT even KNOW what this guy's penis looks like. And like.... I caught FEELINGS for this guy BIG time! Everything about the sexual chemistry between us was like a 99% perfect match, and we have kept in touch and we really want to meet again. If I had to guess, it seems like he has an average, or smaller than average penis, but more importantly -- it's the fact that I don't find myself CARING about his penis size, because the sex was just that good! Another way I like to put it is this...... There are just SO many erogenous zones on a man's body. I have no idea why, but one of my favorite things to do is nibble on a guy's neck, ears, or the back of his head. Yes I realize how weird that sounds. Sometimes it has zero effect on the guy. But at least half the time, I have these guys screaming and getting goosebumps everywhere and asking me "Where did you learn how to do that?! That feels incredible! I've never even EXPERIENCED that feeling before!!!" ......I hope I'm not giving a bunch of straight guys the heebie-jeebies here with these details. My point is -- if someone is SO hung up on penis size that they would reject me because I don't have 8 inches, then in my opinion that just tells me this guy is a LOUSY lay, and has no idea how to push my buttons and deliver pleasure. So for you smaller guys -- I hope at least one of you will hear and appreciate this: - You didn't choose your penis size. You were born with it, and there is factually, literally, scientifically NOTHING you can do about it. (No -- I don't want to hear any "yeah buts"..... DO NOT! Science isn't there yet and NO surgery or remedy is worth the potential damage to the only biologically functional penis you're EVER going to have in this lifetime. And for the record, I HAVE hooked up with guys who HAVE attempted methods of making their penis larger. This one porn star I hooked up with a few times -- the first few times it was great and everything on him was perfect in my opinion. Then a while later I hooked up with him and, though he didn't discuss it, he had clearly had his penis injected with silicone. It looked awful. It was shaped like a traffic cone. The way it looked through his pants was just unsightly and obnoxious, and more a turnoff than anything. His new penis FELT like shit, and it wasn't really very functional. I didn't discuss it, but I remember feeling SO bad for this guy, like "What is going on in this guy's heart that he thought he needed this?" I can't IMAGINE what he would have to endure if he were ever to remedy this surgery. - Your penis size isn't something you EARNED, nor is it something you somehow "DESERVE" - Your penis size says NOTHING about how much of a "man" you are. - Your penis size in NO WAY limits your ability to THOROUGHLY please your sex partner. And I want you to know that -- while you may have to sift through a lot of partners until you FIND them -- there absolutely ARE those of us who just DO! NOT! CARE! whether you have a small penis. Honestly, if I were to break down the importance I place on penis size versus sexual chemistry, I would say a big penis is maybe worth 10% to me, and sexual chemistry, a feeling of ELECTRICITY between us, and an intense connection sexually -- that is 90% of the picture for me. So there is NO REASON anyone here can't or won't find someone who loves and desires you not IN SPITE of -- but BECAUSE of who you are both inside and out. By the way, if anyone cares to read it, I wrote a pretty lengthy post about this on my Facebook (dated yesterday, January 26th, 2020). My Facebook profile is Honey LaBronx (yup... I'm a drag queen. You're welcome!) Much love to you all, and thank you to all those who came here to seek and/or create a community that affirms us just the way we are. :)
  9. Last week
  10. Reading my own writing above and in the Bullying area, I can see that, although there is no denying my penis is definitely small, my sps is due as much to projecting my lack of stereotypical masculinity on my penis as it is my penis itself. My personality was definitely more objectively embarrassing than my penis.
  11. Probably my mother didn't do that "just to embarrass me." That's how it effected me, though. I was already afraid the girls thought I was a "queer". That confirmed it, making it totally impossible for me to approach any of them like I would have liked to do. She simply could not accept my nature, felt guilty she was responsible for causing my nature, and out-of-control obsessed about doing something to correct my deficits. She was also impulsive due to her continuing quite excessive use of amphetamines. Once she said maybe she should send me to a psychiatrist or psychologist, but added, "they always blame the mother", and so, didn't! What did she expect me to say? Send me anyway? Or, that's OK, don't send me? Actually, all I remember wanting was for her and my father to leave me alone and stop pushing me. I was always happy by myself! Looking back, I can now see that my mother pushed my father into constantly "doing something" to fix me which always consisted in forcing me into organized sports. When I left Little League fairly successful, my lack of puberty at 13 barred my acceptance by the existing coaches in the more advanced leagues. So, again, my father used his financial influence to get control of teams and repeatedly made spots for me. The insanity never stopped. Oddly, when I finally began to mature at about 16-17 I became a pretty good player and attracted the attention of major league talent scouts which landed me on a freshman team at a major university. When I discovered the team took a winter trip to warm weather colleges for practice games, I started dreading that I would have to socialize at the athletic fraternities with my team mates. Everyone but me couldn't wait, because they said it was like a "sex vacation". Having never dated, I felt I would look the fool and quit, to the rage of my parents who never learned the real reason. I just told them I wasn't doing very well by comparison to the other guys. There was truth in that! A large % of the team actually made the major leagues, BTW. You might recognize some of their names if you followed baseball around 1970.
  12. I know exactly what you mean! My mother had love for me but I think she was very insecure and worried that success would take me away from her so she undermined to an extent.
  13. Yeah, I think my upbringing was a rarity, but so was my extreme anti-social nature. I was aware of many parents pushing their sons very hard to be successful in athletics, but not with an extremely shy, anti-social kid. My parents were ALSO upset I didn't want anything nor want to do anything nor have any ambitions. Here is a weird one: I was paid for doing chores on our semi-rural property with the idea that when I became a teen I should have money for dating, etc. Of course, I had a very late puberty and, therefore, never dated until my last year of College when I started drinking! My mother harassed me about that though my father didn't (I guess because he never dated until he was 30.) Just to embarrass me completely, my mother once approached the bevy a cheerleaders after one of my basketball games and asked why none of them ever dated me? Stunned, one volunteered I didn't seem interested, implying I might be "a queer". My mother alternated between denying I was behind in sexual development and claiming it didn't matter. Perhaps she secretly feared I was "a queer". I've suspected and she might have known that my father had a secret homosexual side, not dating women until he was 30 and spending a lot of time at the YMCA. I guess I should give my mom a break. She was a pill head and often inappropriate!
  14. @uptight outasight that is incredible. I’m not sure what drives such behavior. My parents were quite the opposite. Any ambition I had they always gave a low key vibe of “why bother / it’s foolish” w/o actually saying that.
  15. Interesting. My mother was quite masculine. She didn't hate men exactly, but resented them if they were more dominant than her. She even said she wished she were a man from the perspective "It's a man's world." She liked hunting and other masculine activities. She looked masculine. She actually often wore combat boots. Back then, a common put down was to say, "Your mother wears combat boots!" Uh, maybe that she was a gym teachers says all you need to know. My father was very aggressive in certain spheres, sports and business, but not with women. He never had a date with a woman until he was 30. His penis appeared very small flaccid as did mine. He compensated, I think, by being very physical and a leader in sports, on the job, and in business. My mother appeared to have initiated their relatioship: a man she could dominate to an extent?
  16. Probably should have mentioned my mother was a gym teacher who quit work to have kids. Also, her amphetamine addiction resulted in sleep paralysis "spells" not acceptable for a teacher! She convinced doctors she had narcolepsy and needed amphetamines to function. Amphetamines were not strongly regulated back then. Because I was afraid my mother would show-up at recess and catch me with the sissies, I would stand near the boys when they were organizing for a game and they would usually include me especially when they discovered I wasn't a basket case as far as skills went in baseball, football and basketball. That summer after 4th grade my parents insisted I join "little league" baseball. I fought and cried and had tantrums to avoid it as I knew I would be humiliated. I even hid when the time came. I was rejected by all the coaches because, obviously, I lacked the personality for team sport participation. So, my father became a coach with my mother as his assistant and formed a new team so I could play! By the summer after 6th grade, I was one of the best pitchers in the "major" league of "little league" and we won the championship. . . totally absurd! I never joined in the camaraderie with any of the other kids on the team. My father used his influence to get a lot of good players. After winning, we had a swimming party at our sponsor's mansion. He had an indoor pool. Yeah, I noticed all the boys had larger penises than me when we changed, but it wasn't a huge issue yet--I noticed none maturing yet. They joked among themselves about penis size, but didn't target me probably because they feared my parents. Each team had a commercial sponsor to help pay expenses. My father began to control the league by using his contacts to obtain sponsors.
  17. I also experienced this kind of parental gaslighting. In hindsight I've chalked it up a bit to my mom's general hatred of men. She talked down my dad a lot and always insinuated that I had his same flaws. She would never, and still doesn't ever, acknowledge my accomplishments without trying to poke holes in them and tear them down. She would chide me endlessly about how other boys in my class were better than me at this or that, and especially that the girls were better than me at things. She would hold me to unreasonably high expectations, talk about my potential, chide me if I wasn't getting straight A's, etc. I always got this impression that my mom was simultaneously trying to feign love for me and push me, while also working to secretly undermine me. Nothing like feeling pressured to succeed while also feeling like the person who is pressuring you is the one undermining you. Childhood was basically the equivalent experience to constantly being told that you have the potential, obligation, etc. to have a big dick, while having a small one.
  18. Interesting question. No, I haven't. High school girlfriend...asked me out, ended with her shunning me, hating me, etc. High school crush...rejected me when I asked her out Real girlfriend #1...cheated on me while doing study abroad, dumped me without ever telling me Real girlfriend #2...dumped me Real girlfriend #3...still dating I had a girl I went on a few dates with duck out of my kiss when I finally tried to kiss her. I will say there were a couple girls where I never followed up with them after the first date, out of fear that they didn't like me on the first date
  19. LaLa

    Quotes you like

    There are too many, but here is just one for today: "Believing that you’re the only person in your life not worth taking care of is a form of narcissism. You are not special. You are therefore not especially unworthy of care. Get over yourself."
  20. LaLa

    Quotes you like

    There are too many, but one for today: "Believing that you’re the only person in your life not worth taking care of is a form of narcissism. You are not special. You are therefore not especially unworthy of care. Get over yourself."
  21. Wow it sounds like your parents really liked to meddle and to make matters worse in a rather ham handed way.
  22. Here is an embarrassing story that illustrates "how I was" as a kid. I don't think I've ever recounted it or a similar incident to anyone prior to this. Normally, I avoid thinking about it: A stereotypical incident: I recall back in 4th grade, not joining in baseball, basketball or football play at recess but, instead, walking around talking or watching with so-called brainy sissies. I remember my mother being outraged when she stopped at the school for a meeting or something and became aware of this behavior. She focused on the fact I was actually fairly good at baseball, so there was no reason for that behavior. She rejected the sissies because they all "threw like girls." She embarrassed me terribly by forcing me into the informal scrub baseball game my peers were enjoying. After that I made efforts to be included and often was though it was very difficult for me especially as I was thereafter tagged as a Moma's boy and ridiculed for hanging out with the sissies. Exactly opposite results sought by my mother! Many similar things happened over the years
  23. Earlier
  24. How you feel matters, but I well understand it might not change your life much. If you react anything like I did you would be happier even if your life course is set.
  25. Biology is destiny. I’ve said it for years. I think it’s attributed to Freud. I probably should have mine checked but will probably procrastinate it until it no longer matters. Story of my life. But I’ll let you know if I do. Thanks for the info.
  26. You have to manipulate your doctor to an extent. You will get nowhere saying you want to be more naturally aggressive. It seems accepted to say your sexual libido is flagging. Generally, they won't ask for details about what you mean, but you can say you just don't feel like sex anymore since you aged. Testosterone supplementation is thought "OK" to compensate for the decline that occurs as many men age.
  27. In America you pretty much have to go to a urologist, but not necessarily. The first Dr. that tested me and prescribed supplementation was an Internist and also my Primary Care Physician. On a 200 to 900 scale, I was 175 at 55 years of age. . . my libido was declining. I must have been higher when younger, but based on my problems (above), not much. It isn't discussed much, but the 200 to 900 scale is an indication of how much masculinity varies in men. I'm talking objective masculinity that responds at various stages of development to testosterone, not socially constructed masculinity. Of course, "moderns" like to think masculinity is 100% social construction! If so, why do transgender men (biological women) take testosterone and transgender women take estrogen? Of course, many things like genital size react in response to testosterone only at specific periods: in the uterus and puberty.
  28. I’ve never had mine checked. Did you go to a regular PCP or a specialist?
  29. In my view when you postulate Factor X you are talking about hormonal sufficiency, literally, JUICE, the relentless pleasure in aggressiveness: happy combativeness. I had to fake what little I had by imitating others for most of my life. When I supplemented after finding I was very low testosterone at about 55, I was amazed at the difference. Anxiety, fearfulness, worry, sadness, despondency suddenly gone. And that while still burdened with a lifetime of timid habits. Unfortunately too late to change the course of my life much. I remember thinking, "Why can't I enjoy the fight like other men seem to?" Low masculinity, low testosterone guys are NOT meant to be killed or die off, but are meant to serve the alphas and betas by being a delta or omega. The compulsive rebelliousness of gamas might lead to dangerous conflict with the alphas and betas, however.
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