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  2. lloydbaker

    Mother Made Me Play with Bullies

    For most of my life I thought my mother's behavior was the root of my problems. Then I realized there was something wrong from toddlerhood. I showed none of the exuberance typical of toddlers. I developed a stammer and severe social anxiety. Finally, at 50 when I started supplementing testosterone, I improved 100%. Before that only alcohol made me half way normal. Possibly my hormones were screwed-up in the womb as my mother was an amphetamine abuser during pregnancy.
  3. Today
  4. Victimorthecrime

    Mother Made Me Play with Bullies

    That sucks. I hope you have found a way to cope and heal. The past is a problem for many of us. I have stopped trying to figure people out. I just do my best to be prepared for it.
  5. I was painfully, pathologically shy growing-up, from toddler on. My mother was very disturbed by this and demanded I get over it even before kindergarten. Part of her program was to force me to play with bullies, often older kids. She would intervene if their bullying got too extreme so it didn't go "too far", but that just made me a "momma's boy" that couldn't defend himself. She thought I would learn by example, but, instead, the experience just ground me into the dirt and increased her fury. She would tell me what wonderful potential, mentally and physically, I had, but rage that I was betraying the family and myself by not taking advantage of my innate qualities! I think this was very psychologically damaging to me.
  6. As a black man with a small (CLEARLY SHORT) penis I can relate. The ridicule amongst black people is no joke. And what's even sadder is how speechless it leaves me each and every time it happens.
  7. Last week
  8. I know it's ridiculous and pointless to do so but I just can't help it, I'm 6.5 inches bone pressed my best friend is 7.5 inches bone pressed and I can't stop thinking about it and I don't know why or what to do I know I should be happy that my penis is statistically above average (I'm fat so my NBP is only 4.5 inches) but I just feel inferior to him and all I can think about is his penis and how girls would much prefer him over me, only advantage I have over him is in height, he is 5'4 and I'm 6'3, I know height is also important to girls but I throw that out the window and tell myself it must be great to be him with a big dick It just adds fuel to the fire of my suicidal thoughts, I know it's irrational but I can't stop thinking about it and it's scary
  9. Klingsor

    My so called life

    Yeah me too. I'm all rust and no brilliance...hee hee, ha ha, hahaha, AAAHHHAHAHAHA, ah ha ha, hee...hmm. ๐Ÿ˜
  10. LaLa

    Hello

    How are you doing, M.? Today, in the framework of my volunteering, I talked (~50 minutes, by phone) with a woman (in her early 50ties) who, for several reasons, reminded me of you, M., although her situation wasn't as "dramatic" in the sense that she doesn't live in a dangerous country without social support, some of the basic human rights, affordable health care etc. (She was crying quite a lot, regretting her whole "lost" life (due to her upbringing, she's a bit similarly "stuck" in many ways, "not really knowing herself"), feeling like not really living, not knowing what to do to feel any better, ...) In the end (we talked also some 7 min. after the official "end of service" and, unfortunately, I couldn't extend it more because of the employees who had to close the place for the night), she was relatively calm and said it felt good to have cried and talked, but I'd like so much to talk to her tomorrow (which is rather improbable), mainly because I had some ideas about what to say after we finished (as it always happens, in my case). Anyway, since she felt better in the end, I was thinking about you, wondering if such kind of calls (not with me - with an Anglophone and, mainly, with someone more experienced and more helpful!) would be of some help to you, too. I know that international calls are crazily expensive, but there's a way to call for not a lot of money - by Skype: https://secure.skype.com/calling-rates?language=en This way, you might, if you wanted, call, for instance, to this British service (similar to the one we offer where I do the volunteering) : https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us Don't worry, I won't try to push you to do it ;-) ; I'm just presenting the possibility that occurred to me.
  11. malign

    My so called life

    I'd like a beautiful mind, but unfortunately, mine's butt-ugly. ๐Ÿ™‚
  12. Klingsor

    My so called life

    I haven't seen that yet but I probably will because I like biopics.
  13. IrmaJean

    My so called life

    I saw both movies, though several years ago, and enjoyed both.
  14. Small

    My so called life

    I liked a beautiful mind too. Have you seen A theory of everything?
  15. Klingsor

    My so called life

    I watched a beautiful mind last weekend, had never seen it before. It was pretty good. The forum is quite inactive these days, especially with resolute no longer here. Hope everyone is ok.
  16. Klingsor

    Sorry

    Ok, I was first reply to the OP and 30 mins later it was gone so I wondered if it was something I said. thank you.
  17. IrmaJean

    Sorry

    No, you did nothing wrong, Klingsor. Sometimes members want their posts/accounts deleted for their own reasons. It didn't have anything to do with you or what you wrote. I apologize; I should have written and told you the post would no longer be visible. Hope you're as okay as you can be.
  18. Victimorthecrime

    Recommended TED(x) talks and The School of life videos

    Western Europe is clearly choosing a birth rate below replacement levels but despite this man's wishes there is no evidence of declining birth rates in Asia and Africa or South America.
  19. Something different from TED or SoL, but I don't want to start a new topic for it. (I really like the antinatalism philosophy (I used to think that way before knowing some other people did, too) and I suspect that many (or some) of the members our our community might also acknowledge its propositions.)
  20. Klingsor

    Sorry

    I guess I've managed to piss off another member of the community since I can no longer see her post. For what it's worth I was not trying to come across as threatening and there was so subliminal intent behind the article I linked. All I was trying to do was give another example of how much penis size affects men's psychological well being. I personally would never pursue a relationship with a woman as much for her sake as mine, since my SPS and insecurity would make it miserable for her as well as for me, even in the extraordinary even that the sex was satisfactory to her on some level. InLuvWSPSman sorry if I made you uncomfortable or offended.
  21. Yeah, maybe you should try to get T supplements while still young. Used moderately, the risks are low.
  22. lloydbaker

    Adult Imaginary Friend

    And it is really a shame, too. I am gathering the meds are, in effect, almost 100% tranquilizers of various sorts. Some help people cope, but none get to the root of either the chemical or psychological problems.
  23. lloydbaker

    Adult Imaginary Friend

    I would tend to think the Psychic has done you a terrible disservice. Ben is a part of you and performs OR TRYS TO PERFORM a function that the rest of you cannot perform or has difficulty performing. In my opinion, you should think about and try doing for yourself some of the things Ben does or suggests, but in a more reasonable well thought-out manner. For instance, perhaps you don't standup for yourself as well as you should. Maybe you could start by speaking-up for yourself more. You can take Ben's advice, but insist that you take the intent of the advice with necessary alterations for safety and reasonableness. Feel free to accept Ben's help, but argue for more prudent actions. Insist that Ben be more patient. See what he says in response to your criticism. Ben is part of you, so you don't have to worry about losing him. He might merge better into you so he becomes a line of thought instead of being so dramatically "a person." We all have discussions with ourselves and parts of ourselves. I used to have a terrible internal critic, though I didn't think it was a person. Finally, I became aware I was repeating unfair criticisms from my mother and so, argued for more reasonable criticism. Having sex with him could be intense, but how could it be anything but masturbation? Unless I'm missing something, wouldn't Ben be a considerate lover? Why would the psychic suggest he wants to rape you? Seems like the psychic was planting fear in you. Disreputable thing to do. Ben, even if too emotional, is trying, I gather, to help. Ben, might be what the psychiatrist Jung called the animus. He might be your archetype of what a man should be. According to Jung women have a "male" animus and men have a female "anima" inside them. Power works both ways in sex / possession works both ways. For some reason, probably traumatic life difficulties, your animus perhaps has become more conscious than usual. Try talking to him like he is part of you. See if you can insist that he be more reasonable and stop getting you in trouble. Agree with and try to implement his valid criticisms, but insist he be more careful, considerate and reasonable. Argue stongly for yourself against Ben if he goes beyond trying to help you toward condemnation or suggesting you hurt yourself. Insist that he be your friend. You have a lot of power over him. You might try instructing Ben on how to help you when you start to have anxiety attacks. You might point-out to him that upping his criticisms during an anxiety provoking situation makes things worse. Ask him to help you handle situations instead of criticizing. Maybe he can help you remember what to do in difficult situations. If he can't help tell him he needs to be quiet! It is unfair and an over-reaction if Ben said you were raped because you were a slut. Perhaps you should be more careful in judging people before being alone with them, but that is just an estimate. Clever, cunning criminals might fool anyone.
  24. LaLa

    Hello

    This reminds me of: from here: https://theconversation.com/i-nearly-died-from-sepsis-and-ignorance-of-this-condition-is-killing-millions-99051 I hope you take good care of yourself, M. ...
  25. Victimorthecrime

    Hello from Africa. Same issues here mehn

    Ok scratch that off my bucket list.
  26. Perhaps interesting for some: https://www.vox.com/2018/3/13/17053886/trump-rural-america-populism-racial-resentment
  27. I'm in Nigeria. Yeah black girls will trip for you when you come to Africa, but if its Nigeria you have to be at 7.5 inches erect to make dem really crave you in bed else they would be just after your money alone.
  28. IrmaJean

    POCD i think - at a breaking point; please help

    Yes, that has been what I see with my daughter A as well. She hasn't been magically cured of depression and anxiety. She still has intrusive and irrational thoughts. She still struggles, but the medication gives her a little space to breathe so it helps in that way. Tropic, I hope you find the way to inner peace.
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