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  1. Today
  2. I think we've finally exasperated Beth. For me I think my whole personality and perspective on life boils down to one thing: I've never once felt in control of my life or the events around me, but rather always and constantly at the mercy of other people and things. For a self identified man, this is a horrible feeling, maybe the worst feeling in the world. I'm unsuccessful professionally, I'm ugly, I'm broke, I'm not talented, and I'm not physically imposing. What this basically means is that I'm unable to exert my will to any effective degree in any way, I have no power to shape my own life or the influences around me, mainly society's influence, including the power to escape it. My most delicious dream is being able to cave a guy's jaw in when they mouth off, but I'll never be able to do that unless it's a 10 year old because I'm a physical worm. So I get no respect, like Rodney Dangerfield, but for real. I suppose the more one approaches my limit as a man, the more of a "Klingsor" personality they will have. I mean look how I spend my time - my social escapades consist of cat fighting with people I've never actually met on an online forum for men with insecurity issues related to a small penis. My only crime has been to openly state this which has put many past members off I think. That's why I made the poll because I wanted to see if I and others needed to post elsewhere or confine our comments to other platforms away from this forum. I've been called toxic many times, but the way I see it, I'm just channeling the toxicity of the world.
  3. Wow Beth. A curse. I'm in the right mind to report this...
  4. Yesterday
  5. I usually stay in my room so I won't be bothered. But I don't really have any other "safe space" so to speak.
  6. Another failed attempt at being funny. I should not post when I am at work. Too over caffeinated & wound up.
  7. You're just bitter I won't let you bunk with me, robin.
  8. Thanks, the message means a lot. I have to hang in and grind it out, hopefully there will be easier times to come. How's work coming with you? Are you still boxing? Wanna fight? Haha no don't hit me please. Hope you're well.
  9. That's a good point too, ba51th. I have family also that I would worry about during bad times. I would feel responsible for them too.
  10. Sounds good. I like pink - would like to live in a pink cottage I also like purple, but a purple house would probably be a step too far...
  11. I'm not interested losing weight anymore... I don't want to have loose skin...
  12. Hi Irmajean, Thank you for your welcome! When I was younger, maybe between 7-19 years old then I was many times to different doctors for this difficulty breathing. All doctors talked about asthma and they measured my oxygen level also when I was on a gym bicycle, and sent me to an asthma specialist atleast once. I have tested different asthma medications, but no medication helped me. I know now that my shortness of breath is and has always been because of stress or anxiety or panic anxiety. I have had this sence I was maybe 7 years old, for no reason at all. So it is very sad if this came after the near drowning moment. As I wroted before, I have had a very good childhood and family. When I was younger I had difficult to breath all the time, I remember how I was struggling to get enough oxygen in my lungs. I have it still but not so much as when I was younger, it is worse if I am nervous or anxious. If I am doing some exercises, then it is feeling better. I have had a few hobbies when I was younger, but I have not them anymore. I don't feel that I have interest to do something anymore, I am listen to music, and sometimes I go out in the nature. I know that therapy is not working for me for this problem, when it is a problem that is to late to do something about. It is such a sorrow when I know that it was possible to do something then when I was younger, but the school doctor never cared to do anything. This fucking doctor has taken my life instead to save my life as the doctors are paid for. I have a good relationship with my parents and siblings and I have some friends, but not close freiends. I have a full time work. My parents know about this situation, I have recently told them. They cried and became very sad when they heard my story.
  13. Hookers and blow
  14. what is the easiest and the cheapest way to lose weight? I'm 26 years old, 172 cm tall and weight 130+ kg I think. and my daily activity is sitting in front of my computer. I have so much fats from my stomach down to my thighs in these two days, I just use freestyle glider until I'm tired, then I hit the floor do sit ups until I'm tired, then I do back ups until I'm tired, and then push ups (not a perfect push ups, just from upper waist) until I'm tired, and go back to freestyle glider again... I do this cycle until I no longer have a will to continue, usually it last for an hour... what I want to achieve is be able to keep moving for 5 km non-stop with... umm... additional 80 kg weight...? (assuming I fast-walk carrying something/someone)
  15. How would one go about achieving this?
  16. i don't think "living in batcave" is a marketable skill.
  17. well, I like Dream Theater... but I also listen to some lounge, electronic, rock music...
  18. Thank you for sharing. I'm comforted by the color pink. I have a pink room (that even has a pink ceiling) that I enjoy sitting in. I wear pink clothing a lot too. :-) I think it helps me to find my calm center and it matches well with my inner essence, so it's self-connecting.
  19. It's true that we can't change or control how others view or feel about us. I could personally accept that others felt a certain way about me, but in accepting that, it wouldn't then necessarily mean I agreed with their position and would then live by it. Is there ever a part of you that wants to say, #&$# what some people in society think, society doesn't make me me? For me personally, no human could ever be sub-human because of a body part. Just offering a different perspective. It's possible I can't ever completely understand, as much as I want to. I want all of you to feel peace and do what works best for you.
  20. Hello, Grief. I appreciate that your thread was brought to my attention. Welcome to the community. I'm sorry you're struggling so much and feeling down. You were subjected to some demeaning experiences when you were younger. I'm sorry you went through that. Do you still have difficulty breathing? That can happen during anxiety, but it can also happen due to medical issues, such as asthma. I'm wondering if you were ever checked medically for this or is the problem gone now? I'm glad you were able to express yourself to someone by writing to the school doctor manager and that they responded supportively. Sometimes it helps to feel heard. I hope it helped you. I would call myself a HSP as well so we have something in common. It isn't always easy to feel things deeply, but there can be some positives as well. Do you enjoy any hobbies? If I am feeling very sad, I find it helps to connect with something that feels nourishing. It's soothing and it helps me to balance out difficult feelings, or at least to get a breather from them. So often I will listen to music, sit in my pink room, or go outside in nature. Do any activities bring you feelings of peace and comfort or relieve stress? That might look very different for you than it does for me as well. How are things going in your life otherwise? Family? Friendships? Work? Are you able to share with family or friends there with you? Have you considered going to therapy? Take care and I hope you will continue to share here, to your level of comfort. I hope you feel better.
  21. because there are some people that I love and care... knowing something bad might happen to them and I can't do anything to save them... imagine that I have a wife that I love so much, and because I can't do anything I was forced to see her turn into sex slave and/or raped right in front of my eyes... I can't let such thing happen... I can't just die before I'm sure that she is safe... if I die but know that she is safe, it's fine by me...
  22. My favorite singer is Josh Groban. I'm a huge fan and have been to 3 of his concerts. I prefer easy listening soft pop/rock, but I enjoy a lot of different music. The Eagles, Alan Parsons Project, Little River Band, Styx, Simon and Garfunkel, John Mayer, Maroon 5, to name a few.
  23. Cheldon, I'm sorry you have been living in this kind of environment. We all need healthy spaces to express ourselves. It's okay to feel what you feel. I think you did an excellent job here expressing your feelings. I hear your frustration, pain, and anger. It sounds as though you have good awareness of your needs. It's good that you want to take care with you. Is there a way to get some space from your family?
  24. Looks fine to me. I am too tired to read much now.
  25. Last week
  26. https://cheldonmk.wixsite.com/abnormalgreymatter I'd love to hear some feedback from you all about my new website. I still have a lot planned for it so I'll be making updates regularly. II'm going to look into getting an actual domain name very soon.
  27. @Klingcorn I don't have an answer, but here is a thought that has helped me. Perhaps it will help you. If a man is unable to give form to a woman, it might be helpful for him instead to take form. Without losing oneself to the peculiar concept of love and instead keeping his essence in tact - the anger, hate, & darkness. I do think it's possible to allow god to become the potter whilst assuming the role of the pot. I think our problems are more deep rooted than sex as a feeling - and more so in the act of giving and taking form. I won't go into the other stuff. It's been said so many times, and I'm in the same boat as you.
  28. I love music 🎶 rock, pop, really nearly all forms. I love the Grateful Dead, Phish, Hot Tuna, Stones, R.E.M., Springsteen, Moe, Widespread Panic, Dylan, Luna, Love, Kiss, the Clash, the Alarm, etc just so many. I like the ones you just named too except Spice Girls. What other ones do you like?
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