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  1. 4 likes
    @Resolute That's the reason I avoid sharing my beliefs lol. It's my experience, if it doesn't fit in with yours, then cool, it doesn't fit in. But I'm not on the attack, I've done enough of that for one lifetime. I'm just being honest with TBD. He seemed to be struggling with his relationship with God so I reached out with what I believe and what has helped me. ☮
  2. 4 likes
    Thank you both for the kind words. This means a lot to me. You're welcome. I'm glad I can be here to support you. I wish everyone well.
  3. 3 likes
    i'll have some teriyaki john please. you, john, vic and jazz can probably start a jazz band.
  4. 3 likes
    Gonna try again. I've just been involved in a couple small projects. I helped a friend and his son wire an old house he bought. He got a hold of me and said if I'd tell them what to do, they would make the hard wiring pulls. I landed all the switches, outlets and fixtures. The house is old plaster and lath. I showed them how to sister onto the old crooked rough cut studs and make a square straight wall the dry wall hangers could use. I installed a 200 amp breaker box and was there when the inspector looked the wiring over. My grandma had an old Singer treadle sewing machine she had been given by her mom. She let my mom take it and use it years ago. My dad passed away last August. Mom was cleaning out a lot of stuff. She finally let me take the antique home. It was in real rough shape. This was a much used household appliance. Over the years it had become run down simply from use by four generations of families. I carefully took it apart and cleaned the metal base and sewing machine. I waxed the sewing top and cleaned the little chrome accent pieces Singer had originally. The wood had become pretty rickety. I removed all the fasteners and reglued the wooden structure. The old finish had taken a real beating. I stripped it and cleaned it up. Then I hand rubbed some old fashioned tung oil into the wood and let it dry. The result looks like a 100 year old Singer that has simply not been used, but doesn't look 'fixed up' or refinished. I wound the bobbin, threaded the machine up and sewed a little piece of cloth. It worked great so I walked away and left well enough alone. Ok, crossing my fingers as I hit the Submit Reply button. EDIT: Yay! EDIT #2: The result is a 100 year old Singer that looks like it hasn't been used much, but doesn't look restored or refinished.
  5. 3 likes
    Everything you just said - its like you are reading my brain TBD. I totally get it. However if you ever want to give it another try you always can. You don't have to commit to a certain way of being or course of action, you can change your mind anytime you want.
  6. 3 likes
    My experience with PIED is a bit different than Pax's, but I agree with his warning. I had what I'd call a more mild or incipient form of PIED. I grew up avoiding sex out of SPS shyness, and made a horrible choice for marriage, partly based on the woman being equally sheltered like I was. So, even though I had kids, the story of my sex life was porn for decades. I became generally desensitized such that I rarely could orgasm without porn, and it took more and more focused effort with it. Divorce and a new relationship with a woman started me on a path to recovery. The thing is; on my own, without a partner whom I'm really excited to "save my mojo" for, I wouldn't be able to break out of the pattern. The good news for me is that the ED effects have been reversed over the last few years. I get erections at night, and I can even get erect by simply thinking about sex without touching myself. Orgasm with my GF is a guarantee now; it was initially difficult to achieve.
  7. 3 likes
    I really don't have anything substantial to add to the sub. Just want to say that you guys should take care of yourselves. You all seem like great people. Non of you deserve to be here. I want to give IrmaJean a special mention as I've never really seen a post of hers on any of the topics about her own struggles(perhaps I need to read other topics more?), yet she's always there to assist us. Irma, if your reading this, thank you for your support. Be good guys.👍.
  8. 3 likes
    Yahweh, I was prescribed cialis once when I was seeing my third and final girlfriend, and it really didn't help all that much that I could tell. It gave me a headache. She was a hateful bitch and intentionally made me feel worse, but I already had porn induced erectile dysfunction (pied). There was another member here and he and I used to get tangled up often, but he was the only one who I think fully understood the reality and complications of pied. It would be incredibly easy if it were simply mechanical, but psychological ED is much more difficult to solve because you have to change your mindset and find some degree of confidence, of which I have zero in any aspect of my life. Medicine alone won't solve it. You have to feel like a man at some level to perform, and I don't, which is why I have such an attraction to something as perverse as cuckoldry. RE: lily Allen - That ignorant whore and her legions of rabid third wave feminist sisters can rot in hell. Isn't it amazing the number of intellectual gymnastics they will perform to prove gender is a "sociological construct" and "non-binary", yet will ALWAYS insult a man's penis when he doesn't toe the feminist line. I've been wanting to get that off my chest.
  9. 3 likes
    The Guest House This being human is a guest house.Every morning a new arrival.A joy, a depression, a meanness,some momentary awareness comesAs an unexpected visitor.Welcome and entertain them all!Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,who violently sweep your houseempty of its furniture,still treat each guest honorably.He may be clearing you outfor some new delight.The dark thought, the shame, the malice,meet them at the door laughing,and invite them in.Be grateful for whoever comes,because each has been sentas a guide from beyond. - Rumi
  10. 2 likes
    Hope this fashion prediction is wrong...
  11. 2 likes
    don't be. if you can cook yourself, we'll give it a shot.
  12. 2 likes
    Just vomiting up feelings I've actually already posted about before. I should be in bed but if I don't type this I'll just be angry and unable to sleep. I used to have to listen to my sister have sex in my parent's house. One guy apparently had a penis "the size of a glue-stick" and I never really heard anything when he came over. Another guy was apparently average because she once remarked, while complaining about the previous guy, "...and at least his dick isn't the size of a gluestick." I only heard them through the walls once and it was mostly the sound of the bed; her moans were tepid and she later remarked that he wasn't very good (I think she used to speak so openly about sexual stuff because she thought I was gay for awhile, plus we're just vulgar, honest people in general). She said this in that infuriatingly entitled tone that women have when they go about ranking the sexual prowess of their partners. The last guy, the one she recently got engaged to and is having a baby with, was hung and I literally had to go outside every time they had sex. If I was downstairs with headphones on I could still hear her making those guttural groans that even in amateur porn I've only ever heard when the guy has a thick penis. It's the same old story; this guy was a druggie, cheated on her several times, etc. He's polite and cool to talk to and he cleaned up his life a little bit, but she's back with him for the sex almost certainly. That and she got herpes and was deadset against meeting new guys (she broke up with him once before). I'm not assuming anything about his size either. Once when we were watching a tv show a character said "I guess bigger isn't always better," actually in reference to breast size I think. She muttered under her breath "yeah it is." Another time we watched this video interviewing women about size and she kept insinuating that it matters. She also thought it was hilarious that glue-stick was so small. The part you won't believe is that she's actually a really nice, caring person who tried really, really hard to make those first two relationships work. She's even made totally contradictory comments about how size queens are shallow. Then again, maybe it isn't contradictory. She prefers the sensations of bigger penises but was willing to try with guys she hated having sex with. I guess that's just what it is. The trauma I experienced from having to hear those sounds will probably persist for the rest of my life. Every night I had to escape outside, as if I was the one being rude shouting my seemingly 10-minute orgasm throughout the thin walls of our house. My best friend in the world became a visceral representation of things I know I'd never be able to achieve and for some reason I hate her for it. I can't watch PIV porn when women make noises anymore; it just reminds me of having to listen to her and I start thinking violent thoughts toward all women. I told her I'd help watch her baby because daycare is going to hurt them financially, but part of me wants that happen. Ninety percent of me wants to help, but a voice inside me wants to tell her the truth: that I don't give a fuck about her kid because she is the kind of person that makes me hate sexuality - that I want her to suffer because of her sexual preferences. More than likely I'll end up helping her anyway because I'm just in a bad mood right now and this hateful conviction feels like the kind that usually evaporates overnight, but right now I seriously hate her. It's like life has presented me with this one opportunity to hurt one of these size-queen cunts in some way, even if she won't know that's the reason, and I want to take that opportunity even though I know that what I just said makes no sense whatsoever and probably isn't the right thing to do. I haven't felt this hateful in a long time, but I made the mistake of reading a thread about women's opinions on penis size for the first time in like 2 or 3 years, just because I was bored. What annoys me is the way women are honest about their preferences; for instance when my sister would make these remarks her tone was one of frustration with people telling white lies to spare our feelings, as if she felt persecuted in some way. Only once she sounded somewhat lamentful speaking on the smallest guy ( "I guess he has trouble meeting people") but predominantly it seems to irritate her that people think the feelings of poorly endowed men should be considered at all. Even if I found a woman who was the perfect fit for me penis I wouldn't want to penetrate her. I hate the idea of trying to feel about myself by pleasuring a woman. I hate my attraction to them. Just the fact that I would automatically fall into one of these "rankings" in the mind of any woman, whether by conscious decision or not, has irritated me out of even desiring to ever penetrate a woman; I have not even felt attracted to vaginas for over five years. Abrupt rant ending.
  13. 2 likes
    Your posts express the thoughts in my mind so singularly well, CNL. This happened to me when I left home for college and had to live communally, first in dormitories then apartments. It is genuinely psychologically unbalancing to hear what you describe, and it's something you don't forget. Nytaiji was another member who described this. I remember the first time I had actual sex (or tried), and after I got hard enough to penetrate, she simply laid there mute. She didn't even wince when it went in. I immediately began to lose arousal and absolutely hated her and all women in that instant. College was hell. I've just spent the last year back on campus for graduate school, and I hate all these people. The girls dress like shameless whores and when some sit down you can see their ass cheeks. This is normal casual student wear. It's almost unbearable at times knowing this place is simply a buffet of pussy for so many guys, and that I have never had any of it. Only fat girls or a single mother, all over 25. It's a frustration like no other when you review your life and realize not a single women, even the ugly ones, lamented your departure or ever lusted for you. Regarding your dilemma, I would not do a fucking thing for her. I'm normally indifferent to women until they start talking about sex or sexuality, when every fucking word is one more particle in the stream of self-entitled, hypocritical bullshit they spew about this topic. The reason she could speak out against size queens and simultaneously deride poor glue stick is precisely because she's a woman - what's good for the gander is never good for the goose. Appearances matter more than substance. By speaking out against size queens, she's assured herself she's not that shallow, and therefore it's alright to keep seeing Big Dick. Heck, it might even be love, if it feels that good, right? Right. Let her pay the price for that good dick. If she wants it, make her work for it. I wouldn't do jack shit. Question: does she know you have sps?
  14. 2 likes
    Thanks for responding Victim. You're right about expectations; my sister actually made her anti-size-queen comments before all of the brutal comments, so it was twice as cutting because I'd taken solace in her as an example of an attractive girl who'd had a big penis before but was still willing to try with smaller dudes. Honestly, if the quality of sex varies that much from dick to dick I can't be angry at her for choosing the big guy. I would probably do the same thing if I was girl, and this is what makes me even more resentful. I can't say that I wouldn't be so shallow. If a demon came up from the ground and told me that to be with my true love I would have to eat food with no seasoning for the rest of my life, or listen to my music at only half-volume, I'd probably say no thanks and pick someone else. And I'm getting mad at women for having the same mentality regarding a primal need? But whatever. As I predicted I don't feel half as bitter as I did last night. I know it's douchey to post quotes but I don't have the attention span to read literature very often so I cherish the few that I can actually relate to. It is awfully easy to be hard-boiled about everything in the daytime, but at night is another thing. - Hemingway I could never finish that book, The Sun Also Rises. I'd never compare myself to men with permanent ED but I think the character who says this is feeling that way at the moment because he's thinking about a girl he'll never be able to satisfy. If it doesn't exist already I hope one of the controversial literary classics yet to be written is an in depth study of a man with a small dick. At this point I'm more tired of nobody knowing we exist than I am of actually suffering through this.
  15. 2 likes
    Hey that's great john! I have pulled more romex than I care to remember...I can wire 3 ways and 4 ways, breaker boxes, rheostats, appliances, and a bit of hvac and small motor wiring as well. I always wanted to know more about 3 phase. At one time I was thinking of becoming a lineman. I've wished 100x over I would've done that. Honest work. Wasting 4-6 years of ones best years in books just to become a cubicle rat is a steep price to pay for the sake of being a "professional" imho. Nice job on the sewing machine, sounds like a fun project. I think I mentioned this once but my grandad has an old Farmall 450 tractor rusting away that I would like to refurbish at some point. However, it is an intimidating project in many respects. Well thanks for sharing, I enjoy reading about things like that. Take care.
  16. 2 likes
    the way i see it, there are only three options if one doesn't wish to be some whore's pet; 1. prostitutes or mgtow. 2. celibacy, masturbation etc. 3. get a vasectomy and hump away. but remember, no nuptials, unless you wanna get screwed.
  17. 2 likes
  18. 2 likes
    I hate the spring and summer too. The heat, the social/outgoing mood everyone seems to be in, and of course the light. I have allergies this time of year too. The first 3/4 of the year are shit. If i had the money and means I'd move with the winter. Or take up permanent residence in a place it rained & snowed most of time. For me at least winter weather acts as a sort of barrier to socialisation, and helps with escapism. The summer really does belong to the confident pretty people.
  19. 2 likes
    well, not anymore; after all the lawsuits and payouts, he's being more cautious now.
  20. 2 likes
    Tbd, I deleted most of my previous comments. Folks don't want to read my twattle, and it's worth noting that I'm an extreme case. It's unlikely most guys have reached the same point I have because I've always suffered from an extreme lack of self confidence/esteem/manhood. It is possible for small/medium penis guys to have meaningful relationships. I might caution you against the hookup scene because it's fundamentally a different class of women you'll find there, but there is ample proof on this forum that it can happen, especially if you have the confidence. That's the most important thing. Mgtow can give you aspects of that, as you said yourself when you mentioned this happened out of the blue. I guess bottom line what I'm trying to say is don't read too much into this episode. Just keep doing your thing and do what makes you happy. Exercise and work out too, if you're healthy and young. Anyway, take care, you're an engaging, thoughtful guy with a sense of humor so you'll be fine.
  21. 2 likes
    Hey TDB my guess is that if she was talking to you she was talking to other guys and one of them just closed the deal faster. Nothing wrong that you did. And just to chime in, I am kind of mgtow by default and have been so long before the term existed. Like Pax I don't see any benefit to labeling myself as such but I do get some of what their saying. What are your thoughts?
  22. 2 likes
    Don't let it get you down, tbd. Women are mercurial creatures, you have no way to know why she did what she did.
  23. 2 likes
    yes, unfortunately i know what you mean all too well.
  24. 2 likes
    is that a metaphorical dagger or literal?
  25. 2 likes
    I just want to issue a warning to young guys - get help or figure out how to deal with this curse while you can because it will destroy you in some form or another. It doesn't matter if it's psychological sps or genuine small penis, figure it out.
  26. 2 likes
    Welcome to the community, lonelygirl. I'm sorry you're in such a bad space. There is a lot happening in your life for sure. I read your post and I am here listening. Does your college have any counseling available? Maybe the extra support could be helpful, if even for only a brief time until you return home. If you share openly with your mom about all that has happened and is happening, do you think there is a chance she will listen and be supportive? I hope so. I hear that you feel down on yourself. I think that all of us have our share of struggles and all of us make mistakes...we're human and it happens. I hope you won't be too harsh on yourself. It's never too late to get help, I don't think, never too late to learn healthy coping methods, to learn self care...you deserve to feel safe and okay. Sometimes -during difficult times-- if I consider all that is happening in my life, it can feel overwhelming and I then feel paralyzed to take a step forward. I try now to look at the day ahead as a new day, a fresh start, and then take one small proactive step along the path. I find this keeps me centered and moving forward in a positive direction. I also try to take some time to myself to breathe and recharge, self-nurture, which gives me renewed strength to keep moving. Just some thoughts. I hope things look up for you, lonelygirl. Take gentle care.
  27. 2 likes
    Guys, I can't believe this. I thought I was born to lose but look what I found waiting for me when I logged in:
  28. 2 likes
    Meh! Women do it all the time. High heels make them look taller than they really are, make up makes 4's and 5's look like 7's and 8's. Fake hair, fake nails, fake eyebrows, fake eyelashes, and in some cases, fake asses and fake boobs, even fake personalities. Fake fake fake. I don't see them dying slowly inside because they feel like liars. You? Fake bulge?... Thats it?...You're good man.
  29. 2 likes
    @jazz i'll do what i can to stop the war, or at least delay it as much as possible. but you should make preparations just to be on the safe side.
  30. 2 likes
    I've done the sock stuffing as well, lol....My taste in clothes hasn't changed much since the 90's, so I like to wear fairly snug fitting jeans. I wasn't really all that conscious of the fact that people "looked", but one day a woman I worked with at the time saw me outside work in a store. She actually had the brass to say to me "you ain't showing too much in those jeans". So for quite a while, I'd stuff a sock into my underwear so it would appear I was packing way more than I actually was. But that was very uncomfortable and probably not at all healthy, so now I just don't give a damn. It's good to hear that others have tried this, lol....Makes me feel less the freak.
  31. 2 likes
    Hey Yahweh, just wanted to give you a shout out that I know exactly what you mean about summer. I live in a place that gets really hot and I detest hot weather in the first place, but I also hate the way it makes me feel because of my body. I dread the first warm day of spring because it's like everybody is waiting in the edge of their seats to wear shorts and flip flop sandals and tank tops or bikinis. I've also noticed since being back on a college campus that guys' clothing seems to be following female trends by being form fitting and revealing, especially these kind of jock running pants or athletic pants that are like sweats but are tight in the crotch and thighs. And of course the guys who have something to show are as vain as the women about flaunting it. Then call you gay if you point this out. It just makes me feel like shit. It might be well over 100 F and I'll be the only schmuck wearing loose jeans. In winter I can pretty well cocoon myself in clothing. It's not just my bulge either, I'm a scrawny stringy pale skinned nerdy piece of shit anyway so I have absolutely nothing to show. It actually makes me feel vulnerable. I used to get so mad when I was younger because of the frustration of it all that I'd almost start crying but usually just get in a severely bad mood and go home to my shithole apartment and destroy shit and want to kill somebody. I'm older now and basically world weary so I don't get so mad anymore just ready to get it the fuck over with. So yeah, I completely sympathize and have felt exactly the same constricting panic/frustration. I honestly don't know why people don't just go naked. Summer clothes leave nothing to the imagination anyway and they obviously are so fucking proud of themselves for having been born with good genetics. I swear, even the fucking ancient Greeks weren't as obsessed with bodies and flesh as modern society.
  32. 2 likes
    As an update, I've been out and about today as it was unseasonably hot. I felt ok, but a little paranoid that I looked small. This was in the countryside and I only saw maybe 5-10 people, not sure how I'd fare in town. It really makes me neurotic. I saw a teenage kid waking with his mates the other day and noticed (through force of habit) his very small crotch, but he looked content. I thought, what the fuck happened to that guy? That care free teenager I used to be? I was never in during summertime, I was out about enjoying myself like that kid. Not a care in the world about my bulge. Then I hit that age, 20-22? and all that changed. Then I'm playing defence and driving myself insane. I'm thinking of upping the stretching sooner rather than later, take it to the next level. Summer is coming up fast and I need to function without putting off potentially fun activities. I need to trust and be ok with me. I'd love to do a study on what makes a good bulge, I'm convinced there's more at play than cock and balls. Anyway, hope you're all getting on ok, here's to stress free summer ☮🏖🌞
  33. 2 likes
    @YahwehOrTheHighway i feel you about the pregnant wife situation. Our second kid is 5 months old now and i just got a hand job a week ago. First sexual contact since July, and it was bleak before that too. And i also feel you about the preying on fat girls with low self esteem bit. I am actually very attracted to thicker women, so it's not much of a stretch for me, but i have definitely sought out those with self esteem issues so i could feel like the prize.
  34. 2 likes
    My sexuality has always been defined by a strong element of voyuerism combined with an unhealthy generalized obsession with sex. I was raised in a very insulated, conservative environment and didn't have access to anything to feed these obsessions except my own thoughts and mainstream sources of soft core sexual stimuli (tv, magazines, school). I never dated or had a sex life until I was about 24 or 25 because of a lack of confidence, at which point I dated 3 women in fairly quick succession, all ending in disaster. When I dated these women my self esteem was so low that sex with them seemed dirty or unnatural, and I hated them for submitting to me because I viewed it as an admission of desperation on their parts. So I would avoid sex with them and instead revert to porn or more often subconsciously drive them toward other men for sexual fulfillment and then masturbate on that fantasy. Although I never pursued an active cuckold lifestyle, that element was certainly there. I have severe body dysmorphia and it basically makes me find intimacy with other people revolting, the only thing that gets me off sexually is being in the role of a spectator since my participation seems unnatural. But it has to be covert, I could never overtly submit to such humiliation. One way I thought too describe PIED is that visual stimulation has become so strong as to overpower any other kind, to the point that tactile or olfactory sensations are blunted and somewhat suffocating. Basically I could sit in a room with an attractive woman and imagine (picture) myself having sex and be able to get off while actual participation would result in ED. That's the best way I can describe it.
  35. 2 likes
    IrmaJean is the best. She's had many struggles but always has time to say something kind to somebody else when they are down. A selfless person and a great friend. I second that, nobody deserves these things. I hope some of the older members are ok who never visit anymore.
  36. 2 likes
    Hi Yahweh, There's stuff online you can read that explains it better than I do. Just google it. Here are some quick links though that I like: http://www.covenanteyes.com/2015/02/27/porn-cause-erectile-dysfunction/ http://www.mensjournal.com/health-fitness/health/are-you-watching-too-much-porn-20130821 Some members swear up and down it isn't real because they've never experienced it or masturbated up to 15 times a day because of compulsive masturbation, but I'm sure they know best. There was another member here who experienced it as well named Skynight, you could probably search his old posts for more anecdotal stuff. To be fair, I have a host of other neuroses that together create a perfect storm, which I won't rehash. Some of my older posts under the name Klingsor are still here and you can search those if desired. I'm probably a limiting case, an asymptote. It's unlikely most guys would make it to the same point I did simply because it's unlikely that they have as many comorbid influences. Regarding porn, if you let it take control it can become an addiction as bad or worse than any narcotic. Especially if you are unable to be intimate with real people. However, some argue that it provides an acceptable outlet for sexual frustration for introverts and losers like me who can't get the real thing. Nevertheless, I was masturbating to fantasies and summer clothing magazines long before I had access to porn, so I doubt it makes any difference in that sense, and this is why I often say it's a force for the worse.
  37. 2 likes
    Drinking is definitely a younger mans game. It's been years since I've been buzzed, decades since I've been drunk. But a cold Guinness Extra Stout and a tasty cigar is still much enjoyed in my dusky relaxation room. I start a little fire in the wood stove and put some quiet music on. AAAHHHHHH. Heck victim it's been a long time since you've posted you've had even a slight hang over. If this helped you relax and listen to a little music it couldn't be all bad.
  38. 1 like
    I could build a heat box big enough to dehydrate me! We could call it John Jerky Lite. I'm 50% less filling but I taste great! We could have Teriyaki, Original and Hot Cajun! Comes with an ice cold Guinness Extra Stout! MMmmmmm.............. (Ok, I'm finished. No more poor puns)
  39. 1 like
    If he is, I hope he throws off his invisibility cloak soon. Come back mts...
  40. 1 like
    I like vegetarian pizza, there is one called the fiorentina which is very tasty. Happy Eater - I mean Easter everyone
  41. 1 like
    For me it's simple, just as some people cannot fathom my "imaginary friend in the sky", I simply cannot understand how a random explosion from a speck of dust that came out of nowhere formed life. I really don't care what people believe. If it works for you, great.
  42. 1 like
    i've always liked german cars, especially mercedes and its prestigious symbol. however, in terms of speed and acceleration, audi truly is one of the best (specially in its respective price range).
  43. 1 like
    btw, i forgot the most important downside of believing in god etc, guilt! i don't think we need studies and stats to know that religion is the source of most guilt. and as any psychologist will tell you, guilt is one of the most (if not the most) destructive feelings.
  44. 1 like
    guess who this article made me think of: http://www.androidpolice.com/2017/04/03/google-announces-pax-a-cross-licensing-program-to-stop-patent-litigation-among-android-oems/
  45. 1 like
    and to answer your question: sure, i'll see what i can put together on such short notice (i'm sure i can't do any worse than what we've already got).
  46. 1 like
    @Small I suppose if you hung weights off your cock it'd just stretch with no girth growth but I think jelquing adds mass like a muscle (apparently, I've never done it consistently so I couldn't say). The balls on the other hand will definitely stretch, I can guarantee that. To be honest, if there was a real and tangible process to stretch the penis successfully and permanently we'd know about it by now. I'm waiting for the pill that gives you a 24 hour semi on without damaging the penis.
  47. 1 like
    I can really relate to a lot in this thread. I married someone i wasn't all that physically attracted to (i'm divorced now). She'd never had sex with anyone before me, so she didn't know what she was missing I suppose. It turned out, i married someone who wasn't at all interested in sex. She told me a couple years into the marriage that she thought she was pretty much asexual, even though she was attracted to guys. So i was in a sexless marriage pretty much. I started to hook up with anonymous guys and give them oral, even though I'm not really physically attracted to men. I somehow needed to be sexually useful to someone. Of course i did this behind my wife's back, and she never found out. I'd feel guilty for weeks after each episode of this. Then i really got into watching cuckold videos and actually talked online to some actual cucks. They talked about how great the lifestyle was and how much their wives loved it. I thought this may be an answer. So I tried to bring this up to my wife, but I didn't get started good and she shut me down and told me she wasn't interested in sex with anyone. This wasn't the reason for divorce but i gave up hope after that. Still have no hope. I think eventually I'll get used to being a hermit. Most of the time it doesn't bother me.
  48. 1 like
    Hiya Bri, welcome. I don't know much about OCD, but I have had CBT for depression and found it had a logic and a practicality to it which helped. Hope it does for you too. Also think you are right to address any sleep and diet issues, what sort of diet will you be trying? Best of luck with it.
  49. 1 like
    plato was the first to propose that evil (eg sadness) doesn't actually exist (because god is pure goodness, i.e omnibenevolent), and is merely the absence of good (eg happiness). i postulate that it's the other way around, and good is the mere absence of evil. and most people, including philosophers (even proponents of plato's theory) accept that pain is an inherent evil that undoubtedly exists. but not everyone agrees that pleasure actually exists (meaning it could easily be the absence of pain). in other words, it's preposterous to suggest that pain doesn't exist, but it's not preposterous to say pleasure does not. i assert that good and evil have no meaning beyond pain and pleasure, and if in fact, pleasure is nothing more than the absence of pain, then basically good has no existence (assuming pain is evil and pleasure is good). oh, and good luck with all your crap lol.
  50. 1 like
    You're welcome, L.! I really hope our "answers" made some difference for you. If you include this info in the letter or the "speech" in which you address your teacher and your school psychologist, wouldn't it be a useful "compromise" (= you do the right think and also do some justice to the voice) as well as a more truthful description of your "state"/problems? BTW, you might like this: There's nothing pathetic about your questions. Same for me; I often can't find time to post here ... Thank you . My psychotherapy helped me a lot, but it was more than 5 years ago already (I live abroad since and I don't have access to therapy here) and in the meantime, some of my issues came back and some new emerged. But in general, it's better. Good luck!