Worried Mother of 5

HI Mark! HOw are you. I stumbled upon this forum a few months ago and come here occasionally to try to create some peace of mine and to check if anybody has responded to any of my posts. I found out this visit though that one of the persons that I was talking with was in fact a retired psychoanalysis and that is very interesting to me. This is very interesting because in high school this is what I wanted to do with my life. I am so excited to be in the company of fellow psychoanalysis! Since high school though my life has went in a different path and I was not able to fulfill my destiny of being a psychoanalysis but I am still very much so interested in psychology. As a matter of fact, I was able to choose my topic for my final paper in my college comp II class this term and I have chose to write about personalities and what forms them. I look forward to all the new facts I am going to learn as well. Maybe if any of ya that are reading this has some spare time we can get together on msn or something and maybe I can interview a few of ya's to get some information for my paper! But I just wanted to say hi! and I hope everybody had a great holiday season. I look forward to returning to see what is new with everybody

HI Allan Seems this post is quite old but if this forum still needs some moderators I would be more than willing to see what I can do to help!

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary...... 8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing! 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing! 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing! 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing! 5:00 pm - Milk & bones! My favourite thing! 6:00 pm - Oooh, Bath . Bummer. 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing! 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing! 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing! Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary. .. Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now............ ROFLMBO lololol that was funny. Personally I do not like cats. They stink and shed all over the house. I really do not like dogs neither but my other half demands her so I have learned to live with her now that she pottys outside thank god lol cheers that was funny thanks for the laugh!

If I could have a superpower I would choose the power of healing the inner soul. That way I can go around healing everybody that is evil at heart and the world would be a loving place lol as if.

Neat! I did not know you could do the black friday shopping online as well Oh that is the most awesomest thing Ive ever heard. I will have my xmas shopping done in an hour verses a year hehehehe Thanks Proverbs for the 411!!!!

Okay.. ready for my book? Lol I do not know Allan... They receive a tremendous amount of my attention as it is, to the extent of my being behind in school right now due to not having the time to study or do my school work. They come first in my life and my boss respects this completely as she has strong family values of her own. But I am responsible for my schooling so i am still passing. I just need to sit down and concentrate on my schoolwork rather than them and holiday stuff, which is for them. So, yea. But both of you have given me some very interesting things to think about. And there is one thing my children do not lack and that is expressing their selves. They are very spoiled and expect the world to revolve around them and yes at this age it should be like that but they take it to the extreme. If they have a problem they are not shy of expressing it a bit. As a matter of fact, its to a fault. Like, they have to have things "their" way (mostly my 5 year old which is normal to a certain extent at that age.) They walk all over me without worrying about how it is effecting me, because at times it is pretty troublesome with lots of decisions to make, which gets overwhelming. I do not like diversity and they love it lol they are typical siblings and experience sibling rivalry and I am the mediator. I am in the process of trying to teach them sibling love rather rivalry. lol And that is something they may not learn until they are adults but I am trying my hardest to deem peace and harmony in my life. Maybe they do things to get my attention just to pull my strings and see how far they can push me, but it is not due to the lack there of of attention. Another factor is that my 8 year old (the one my first post was concerned about) has been a total momma's boy his whole life. He has been supported and guided to a fault and is not shy when it comes to expressing hisself to me especially when he is trying to get his way. He was very sick when he was born and developed asthma when he was roughly 8 months old. He was on the inhalant form of steroids via a nebulizer quite a few times in his lifetime. I am not sure what the effect of that is on personality. Especially since he has not had problems with asthma for 6 years. So, it was the first 2 years of his life that he was receiving the nebulizer treatments. His lungs were not fully developed when he was born and he had jaundice on and off for the first 2 months of his life. He was hospitalized quite a few times. I was lucky his doctor allowed me to take him home when he did, but he only did because he knew he would be taken care of and that I could handle it. He had many extra doctors visits. But now that he is 8 he acts out and expects mommy to do what mommys do best...make him happy. And he is almost 9, so I think that he is immature for his age. And if that is the case, I know it is nothing to worry about because *hopefully* someday he will mature and grow up, but just not today. In the meantime though he needs a major attitude adjustment sometimes. And he needs to be reminded of how lucky he is to be him and how good his life is. They get about whatever they want materialistically and all of their needs are met and then some so they have no idea what a hard time is. Like I said they are very spoiled. They do not know what a real problem is and like to create unnecessary ones. So.... now what do ya think? lol I am just worried that if the behavior is not kicked in the butt, so to speak, when they are young that they will think they can walk all over me or even others when they are older with typical tyrant behavior and I cannot stand by and allow that to happen. So I wonder is this a phase and something that will pass or should I actively participate in the possible attention seeking behavior? So, teaching them self discipline at this age will greatly benefit them when they are older so they can concentrate on the important things like becoming a doctor or whichever greater path that they choose rather than stupid arguments or disagreements or trying to control the decisions or opinions of others, things that is natural and normal and should be appreciated and respected. How do you teach a child to look outside of their box and better yet, should I ?. Sometimes I just have to speak up and say …Just relax. Calm down!!! Lol What is the point in this behavior, pleaassee help me understand! (in little kid language that is lol) J About their father... no we do not talk about him. They do not ask any questions or ever talk about him so, thats that. Keep in mind it happened 5 years ago and they were young 6,3,2,5mths, so we have had time to heal, and they have very few memories if any at all. And he was not very involved in our life anyway. We lived together but he worked during the day and did his own thing after his shower and dinner. I was the only caregiver. As a matter of fact, my 8 year old cried when I left him with his father for short errands when he still was a baby so that should give a little hint on how close they were or how involved he was. I volunteer memories when they strike my mind sometimes, and I guess I talk about him the most. They are close to their biological fathers’ father (their grandfather) and his wife (their grandma) and their biological fathers’ brother (their uncle). They take them at least once a month for the weekend, sometimes more sometimes less depending on their schedule and life. As for my boyfriend...beings that they were still young when he became apart of our life, he is all that they know. They do not call him daddy. They call him by his first name but when talking to somebody else (anybody) they refer to him as their daddy. So, it is in their heart. They love him. He helps me discipline them of course, and also refers to them as his children when speaking of them to other people. They have a brother that lives with us that is my and my boyfriend's son. And they are treated no differently than that of his biological son, and they love their brother as though he was a full brother. That concept is totally foreign to them as it should be and I do not think even when they are introduced to the concept that they will care! I am sure that I will get through this trial. God will lead my path and help me make the best decisions for my children. Writing it all down like this does help to make sense of it for me! J I was a very young mother as well. I had my first child when I was 17 and a senior in high school. Even then I was working and attending school and yes I did receive my high school diploma! Yay for me J I was 20 when I had my second child. But it took 3 years to adjust to being a mommy before I was prepared to be. And, our families did not financially support us very much, as they shouldn’t have because it was our decisions and our life. But if your still with me, lol feel free to offer any insight as the insight that you already provided proved to helped me put the whole situation into perspective. I was actually thinking that they are too dependant on me, and that I need to withdraw myself a little and allow them to deal with more hardships, at the least to learn how to get along correctly with others (their siblings) with direction of course. But if they have me there to continuously remind then, “now aiden, you are in trouble for doing that. That was rude. Please tell your sister you are sorry,” than how are they learning anything. I learned when I was young due to reading books on parenting that if you ignore the negative behavior it goes away. By giving negative behavior attention you are rewarding them for it and even supporting it to continue. But I know you cannot ignore anything that would harm them in any way, which is why I mediate, because it is mentally that they are behind I suppose. They do not hold the humanitarianism that their older 11-year-old brother does. They only think of and see their selves and what they want, like not sharing their toys. Or just simple things. They are not very considerate of the feelings of each other, hence sibling rivalry. Hence mommy’s mediation. Lol and to think that it may get worse than this…… so that’s why im asking for advice lol J I guess now ya’s know enough to see clearly to be able to make a proper observation. Thanks for listening lol

On a typical day that I allow them to play on the pc, they take turns. lol they have a clock beside the pc (their game is full screen), and they share. And I am proud to say that they handled that quite responsibly without my physical presence! im guessing running to mommy all the time to ask what time it was so the other could play was more difficult than just glancing at a clock beside the screen! So, this is not the issue. There are many difference in my 8 and 11 yr old for instance, my 11 yr old plays the saxophone in the band at school, but the 8 yr old already knows he does not want to play that instrument. But he does look up to his brother. I go in depth in the response to Allan's comment if your interested in more... i dont want to write another long post :\ im tired heheheh Thanks for the great observations and advice. It helped me put things into perspective and I would love to see what else you have to say thanks Paula.

Hi Allan... It has been quite an experience yes. Honestly though, it is not difficult at all. They live with their daughter and she and her husband have to be the best bosses a person could ask for. It has been quite an experience for all of us. They moved their parents in with them and move me and my family into their parents house so we live right beside each other. And Allan, how do you know that I am still young?? lol Yes, I am only 28 years young! lol My experience with parents and grandparents have been quite normal I suppose. Nothing extreme. No bad experiences at the least. My biological father is an alcoholic but I do not claim him at all and my mother left him way before it could cause any lasting damage to us (she is a very strong and independent woman hehe.) I love my grandparents more than anything even though I do not get to see them very often because of my busy life. They helped raise me and I stayed with them every weekend growing up. I practically lived with them until I was 5 yo. I was 11yo when my mother left my biological father. They had 4 children with me being the first and I helped raise the other 3 which made me very strong! When I see my biological father I do not even acknowledge his presence to the slightest. I walk by him as though he is a stranger. I am better off without him as he and his life decisions and choices are an embarrassment and I do not want to associate myself with him for the sake of my own reputation and life. His drug and alcohol abuse is way too important to him and it has shaped who he is. When he was with my mother he was a very reputable and competent mechanic and made very good money. Now he has turned himself into a town bum. The only time he wants anything to do with my other siblings is when he needs money or a ride somewhere and they are very quickly catching onto this behavior and starting to feel and act the same way I do. My younger brother even went as far as buying a house for that man so he would stop getting into trouble just to have a roof over his head. And since then has expressed that he hates that he has made it his responsibility to make sure that the looser is not on the street. And he causes my grammy way too much grief with his horrible ways. But anyways, enough about that lol you asked so I told My own aging process is fine. My only regret is that I wasted so many years on that first looser I was with and did not start college until I was 24 after he was gone, and now am forced to do school, work and mommy at the same time. So, I made some bad decisions for myself as well. But with distant learning and great bosses like i have, I have absolutely nothing to complain about. I love life! and in 6-8 years Ill be sitting pretty with a nurse practitioner license. But until then, Ill have my medical assistant degree to depend on. So, Allan, we have shared with you.. now its your turn!

Hi Paula.... I just wanted to say, your opinion on receiving help from a psychologist I can relate to. The father of my first 4 children committed suicide a few months shy from 5 years ago. He overdosed on some kind of medication, and to make sure it did the trick, he also hung himself. This was his third attempt on suicide and I had always found him before he passed and gotten him help. But, this time I was too late. I found him and got him down and called the ambulance and administered CPR until they arrived but they could not resuscitate him. The medication had stopped his bodily systems. They tried reversing the effects with further medication but it did not work. They had him pronounced dead before they even arrived to the hospital. This had been the only man I was with at the time (24yo) and the father of my 4 children as I mentioned. My children being 6,3,2, and 5 months. Most wanted me to go and seek help from a counselor but I refused. I said the exact same thing that you said above. They wont understand. How can they understand until they go through something. All they will do is diagnose me with Post-traumatic stress disorder (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/DS00246) and try putting me on some kind of medication that I do not need. Almost 5 years later, i have survived it and am better than I have ever been. I am so very sorry that you have been through this traumatic event. It sounds as though it has effected your children as much. I am also sorry that you have not had any kind of support throughout. Keep your head up. What does not kill you only makes you stronger. I hope your children find a way of getting through it as well.

My 6 yo is not so much complaining of 'boredom this week. I think it just may be his temperment that I am worried about. But it is very weird that they are so different and I still would like your opinion on my situation pls.

Hi. sorry.... otay... the child I am worried about is a male, 8yo and in third grade. His brother is yes, a male as well, 11yo and in forth grade. No, their father is not around. He passed away when they were 6 and 3. But I have a live in boyfriend that has been in their life for 4 years now. And another thing.... I work at home, and go to school in my home over the internet. I am very fortunate. So, although I work 2 jobs and attend school parttime I am always home with them unless I am going to the food store for them. So, the lack there of of my presence cannot be the problem. I look forwards to your observation...

Sure... the one I am worried about is 8 yo. The other is 11, but only in forth grade because he didnt start until he was 6, and then his father passed away and he missed 30 days of school so the school made him do first grade over. So although they are 3 years apart, they are back to back in school, third and forth.

I am a caregiver for an elderly couple in their 80's that have been married for over 50 years... January 27th makes a year that I have been taking care of them. I think it is wonderful to have such a subject in a forum... second one now that I have found to appreciate in the mental help net community! Thanks Mental Help Community and I hope to find more caregivers of the elderly to chat with!

Hi everybody reading this and thanks so much for taking the time to see if you can help me with my very touchy situation. I am a mother of 5 children, I work a full time job, a part time job and am in school part-time. I work both jobs from my home, and I also attend college from an online based portal, so therefore I am home with my children at all times besides for when grandma takes them for visits. Obviously with 5 children I have plenty of disputes daily but one is becoming to make me very worried. Here it is.. For the sake of privacy I will be using general text so bare with me... I have 2 children that are Literally complete opposite. One is very extrovert and very much so a humanitarian, someone who always puts the other person first or would give up the last piece of bread on the earth if somebody else needed it. And yes you guessed it, my other child is the complete opposite of everything I just listed. How I managed to raise 2 children that are so very much so different is beyond my wildest imagination. The problem I am facing is, the extroverted child is of course one of the most popular children in his/her class, but the introverted child is the Least popular in class and I am afraid it is starting to effect his/her life as a whole. Lately he/she has become very hostile, very negative and pessimistic and all he/she ever seems to do anymore is mope around our home complaining that he/she is BORED. I dropped by at grandma's today to drop off something she needed for one of my children and the whole time I was there he/she was crying and complaining and hanging all over me just moaning that he/she is bored. All he/she ever seems to want to do is play on the pc which is something I only allow him/her to do maybe once or twice a week for maybe an hour. Yet everyday he/she wants on one of our pcs, and when I tell him/her no heshe just cries and gets very grumpy, being very hostile towards his/her siblings and complains that he/she is bored. I cannot express that enough! He/she seems that he/she would be every so happy to sit on the pc 24/7 if allowed, yet of course that will never happen. I do not want him/her to be labeled as a diagnosis, yet I would like to get to the bottom of the problem. The other day he/she expressed that he/she did not have any friends in school and that nobody liked him/her so I am thinking this may have something to do with his newfound personality. And he/she just started this new school this year may I add and his teacher is very critical as well. I firsthand have learned this as I have went in and met her personally. which does not help the situation.... Does anybody know what I should do beyond going into school and speaking to someone about this. Obviously the school cannot make the children like him but they can control the way they treat my child to a certain extent I suppose. I want my happy child back. I am sick of hearing him say 'I hate this' and 'I hate that' and 'I hate him' and 'I hate her' and 'I am bored'..... What should I do to help my child?