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Rose

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Rose last won the day on August 10 2013

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  1. Yeah i know that the bully was insecure it's been a few years since that and the time showed me the person's insecurities and all I also started loving my hair after reading about it and as i grew more i realized that its just hair, all hair colors are beautiful/the same and that i should be greatful to have hair because there are people out there who suffer from having hair/being bald, thats how i learned to love it You're helpful thank you so much i hope that i was helpful to you too knowing that theres someone else with similar problems makes you feel less lonely
  2. @lifeshadows What you said about being intrested in other things and learning new things i think yes it helped me, i'm currently intrested in mental things those days and it made me forget about my depressions and actually made me really happy but like you said the depressions start coming sometime later but then go again I think that all problems go away, when i was younger one of my blond cute curly haired 'friends' used to bully me about how dark my hair color is (its jet black) it made me hate my hair color so much i was being so envious of everyone with lighter hair and saw it more beautiful, i didnt even take care of my hair and would leave it without cutting it for a very long time i really hated it so much and even blamed my father about it for inherting the hair color from him but later on as i got older i realized that my hair color is actually beautiful. No matter how much flaws YOU have YOU'RE still YOU
  3. I feel exactly the way you do My depressions stay a little more and are much stronger because of my aspie even a depression i had two years ago comes back sometimes but still doesnt affect me as recent depressions And thank you for telling me your solutions I also think that because nothing lasts many problems and depressions have gone
  4. Thank you I will try a consuelor but the problem is i cant talk to people face to face even if i do i cany how i truly feel the problem in friendship is i dont have social skills im so bad at it so i cant make friends (i have asperger) from the day i was born I have hobbies and intrests i love history, drawing, anime Thank you
  5. Thank you,, i also hope you're always happy
  6. And thank you so much everyone for helping and replying
  7. I really never find a reason to not hate everything, every time i start liking something or soneone something happens and makes me hate again its always like this and no one ever notices me or acknowledges my existence i always wanted to have many loving friends and family but i dont it feels so horrible wanting someone to acknowledge or notice you while no one ever does i really felt so happy when a girl from my class followed me on insta i always felt everyone ignored me but when she did that i thought that at least someone cares to at least follow me i never talk to my classmates i always wanted to but people always ignore and my social skills are so bad
  8. Thank you so much for being so kind i hope everything bad you're facing goes away I'm also glad i joined this community people here are like me in some ways It's not something big that happened recently but recently i always feel envious of people i can't help not considering anyone my rival,, as I always remember in my whole life i always felt depressed about something my whole life had always been so empty i never had grandparents as a kid i always and still do wish i met at least one of my grandparents i only met one of my grandpa's but we never visited him very much i was so young when he died i never really spoke to him also he was very old he couldn't even move and i was very young so i never built up any connections to him ,, my aunts and uncles are all so mean along with their children so i never interact with them I'm isolated from my family mentally i never feel any connection to them i always used to wish if my mother was one of those kind nice mothers who hug their kids and studied for them but my mother never did that to me,, i got a disease since age 8 but its dangerous but i always used to feel sad that i did i really hated going to the hospital i really hated when people treated me nicer cause i had a disease i hated going to the hospital it reminded me of that i hated getting absent from school because i had appointments i hated the fact that i hided the fact i was sick from friends none of them know that until now i feel weak or sonething similar if i told them and friends i only had a real friend from 5th grade who wouldn't bully or leave me or take my stuff we're still very close friends but I don't open up much because sometimes I whine a lot when i do and my friend says that it's depressing so I never really talk about my depression with friends i also feel disconnected from them but they're the closest people to me now also my grades at school they were always bad no one studied for me as a kid i was always the person with lowest grades in the class people looked down upon me it really hurts I always remember my childhood and one of my cousins who i saw as a big brother figure to me i really loved him so much he was nice and so kind ever since he died at age 18 when i was 6 years old i hated everything so much i always wished and still do wish to go back to the happy days when he was alive i miss him so much the days when he was alive seemed so different i never felt sad at those days. Those were my first depression issues which probably caused the many depression issues i got and get with growing up
  9. The big problem is i never like anything i hate everything and i always feel so down and that the real world is so cruel even the internet one, people who are liked whether on the real world or even internet get more people and more support , i always considered this unfair and cruel what about the people who have nothing to be liked for and no one ,why is it only some certain people who get the good things and why cant some people find a place to fit in and get all the people and support they need is it just because they are not very liked even thou they try harder to be accepted and liked than the ones who are liked and accepted.
  10. Welcome here , sorry to hear what you go through. I hope that it gets better and that you find the support you were looking for in this forum
  11. I know how you feel so much i used to be like that until 4th grade maybe but then things started getting better when my first 'real' friend approached me and starting from 5th grade i wasnt a lone again i was bullied and used before that some so called friends would take money from me and then even leave me a lone it was so painful, my grades were so bad starting from age 8 i was always considered the dumbest and ugliest and most annoying people used to always point out those things, i was bullied even on my dad's name and mom's weight, i even cried twice in front of everyone it was so humilating people just look for any excuse to bully you, whenever i tried to become friends with anyone i would be so creepy and annoying even people used to tell me that i was never liked also only maybe by that only friend until i changed my school i became friends with people who were with me at the old school they were really nice and we became really good friends even thou i can still know and feel that one day they looked so much down on me but i was never a shy person but even now im still not a noticable person as for my family i feel so disconnected from and kinda dislike them for some reason i always blamed all those flaws in me at them, my parents never studied for me or picked me from school they only cared about looks and going out and never really helped my dress in a neat way to look good my mom never brushed my hair it was always so shaggy to school, they never helped in me making connections with others, and i always spent my time a lone over the internet and that caused so much suffering to me and still does and how much hate and malice i have it caused my grumpy attitude which i cant control most of the time now which makes people run away from me , even between me and my friends theres still some space im not that close to them I hope knowing that you're not the only one facing this makes you feel better and brings peace to your mind:)
  12. I dont know whats wrong with me im envious of everyone and im jelous of everyone and im so insecure and lack so much confidence, i always feel worthless and untalented and disconnected and left out i always feel a lone i never feel any connection to anyone even if they have similar intrests and hobbies like for example if someone is more introverted than me i'd become more introverted or if someone is more talented than me in art i'd try to make myself better just to make myself feel special and try to be the best at something,, instead of making a connection with the person similar to me i would try to make my myself better and more talented in that hobby than them and if i werent i would try to convince myself that i am or start exaggerating in practising that hobby to get better, i never feel fitted in anything and i never feel that im the best in anything i always think myself as average in something or bad at something im always depressed no matter what i do or where i go its so painful it doesnt go it tires me i cant change this way i think of or the way i view everything, whats this what is it called can someone help me with it anything is appreciated and thanks
  13. People/doctors view cutting serious because it means the person cutting hates something about themselves so they punish themselves by cutting and it feels good because you hate yourself and think about punishing yourself for not being what you want because it caused you pain so you think you deserved it because of that thing you hate in yourself, its serious and bad because your hate towards yourself can become bigger which will make you punish yourself in a bigger way.
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