Catmom

I have pets and they mean everything to me. It is sad when they get old, though. The little dog that is in my profile picture will be 14 in December. She is doing well for her age but I just had to spend over $600 on her to have the vet fix some dental problems that she rather suddenly developed. I clean her teeth every day but things can go wrong when you get old. I know it has been true for me! ❤️🐶❤️ Best wishes to you Klingsor & I hope you can have pets again some time. (BTW, I was a very active member here 10 years ago but haven't been around much lately. Nice to meet you.) I just noticed my posts in this thread from 2010, ha ha! I guess I was telling the truth!

I don't think this forum has many posters these days. I used to be a moderator of it over 10 years ago so I got an email regarding your topic, which requires approval. I have definitely approved it because you have a legitimate emotional difficulty that is worthy of attention. I hope I am not the only responder to your post but if I am I hope you don't take it personally. Nowadays, I participate in many very active support communities on reddit.com . There are probably several forums for you to seek guidance but one subreddit you can try is at r/smallpenisproblems . As a woman, I can tell you honestly that most women couldn't care less what size your flaccid penis is and that the teasing you got is very similar to the awful teasing that most people experience in their lives. All we can do is try to overcome the foolishness. It seems that common and immature human nature is to attack others to try to elevate one's own ego, Good luck and best wishes from Omaha, Nebraska, the geographic center of the U.S.

Hi - I don't come to this site often but want you to know that my heart goes out to you. As a healthcare professional, I feel compelled to remind you that taking more of your meds without your doctor's approval is playing with fire. I totally understand wanting relief at any price but please listen to Irma Jean's advice and use more natural methods (e.g. deep breathing, meditation, yoga, etc) to soothe yourself. You will get through this and be the stronger for it. Please don't hurt yourself in your wish to escape the pain you are in. ***HUGS*** Catmom

Okay I am puzzled. You asked how do you not use but apparently you already know the answer to this since you say you did not use. :confused: Your post and the one subsequent to it implied that you had given in to the addiction. Anyway, congrats on your clean time! Well done. It does get better with time and it sounds like you are staying busy, which is a good thing. Catmom

Sounds like you chose to give in to the addiction, smallstar. When you decide you've had enough & mean it, you will keep this negative person out of your life. Catmom

That's how my Emma is with me. (She is in my avatar). I had pet rats when I was in college. They make great pets but don't live very long --just a couple of years or so. Catmom

The idea that it doesn't matter if you use or not is just the lies that the addiction is telling you. The longer you go without using, the clearer your thinking will become. It is up to you to look at the lies and expose them for what they are. You can do this! Catmom P.S. One of the greatest lessons I have learned since I stopped abusing drugs is that no matter what my feelings are, they are NOT a 911 emergency that are to be escaped at any cost. Sometimes we all just have to suffer for awhile. It will be temporary. The idea that it is permanent is another lie your addiction is telling you to get you to keep it fat and happy with drugs.

I was aware that the job was not a good fit in one major way with two facets. The first facet was that the hourly pay for my position was rock bottom in my opinion for the expertise I bring to my work. When I got the job offer this last February, the wage was at the far lower end of the range I had been told to expect by the administrator. He said that he'd given me last year's salary range and that his budget had been cut for this year. When I asked if that was the best that he could do, he went to his boss to ask and came back with a "yes that's as good as it gets" response. I suspect his boss said "she (me) has been out of work for five months, she'll take what we offer." And I did. In addition, I wasn't even getting 40 hours a week since the census was low so the administrator cut hours. This was a very sore point for me because he did not cut hours proportionally among everyone. For example, my office mate, the medical records clerk was only ever scheduled for 30 hours a week but his hours were never cut, while I was cut as much as 5-7 hours per week. I suspect the administrator got away with this with some people because they had a spouse's income helping them support themselves. By the way, the reason the census was so low is that it is a competitive environment for nursing homes in my city and our facility was in a rough neighborhood. For this reason, among others, it was hard to fill beds. We admitted a lot of homeless drug addicts referred from local shelters for skilled nursing care and rehabilitation. Long story short, I had been looking elsewhere for work for awhile, and actually landed another job a week before I was fired. This new job would be a salaried position in an expanding skilled nursing facility and I was concerned at the number of hours I would have to put in, so I asked for more money. They ended up going with someone they could get cheaper. I asked the second employer not to call my current one at the time, but I do wonder if my last employer somehow figured out I was planning to quit & decided to beat me to the punch as soon as they had an excuse. Who knows? My job now is to find a job. Catmom

I don't blame myself for Mikey's death, and whenever a beloved pet or person is dying, I always give my utmost effort to see that that animal or person does not suffer-- as much as I am able to prevent. I did this last service as well as I could for him. He was such a sweet boy. That is why whenever I have to euthanize a pet, I always stay with them until the life has left the body. As painful as this is for me, I do not want my beloved to be only with strangers and perhaps to be frightened at the moment of death. When my dad, whom I loved more than I have ever loved anyone, was dying in a distant city, my brother put the phone up to his ear for me to speak to him. Although my dad had had Alzheimer's dementia for years and did not know who I was the last time I visited him, I told him to go ahead and die and not to cling to life and its suffering for my sake. I knew that if he were going to hang on for anyone, I would be for me. (The tears are streaming down my face as I write this.) He died later that day. My favorite movie is Shadowlands starring Anthony Hopkins as C.S. Lewis and Debra Winger as the American divorcee who marries him and rocks his bachelor world with her love and especially his love for her. The most heart rending scene in the movie for me is when she is suffering the agony of bone cancer and Hopkin's character can do nothing to relieve it. To me his agony is exponentially worse than hers. When my mother died, watching my father suffer her loss was far greater than my own pain at having lost a parent. Strange isn't it, the way one loss reminds one of previous losses? Catmom P.S. Thank you David for your thoughtful responses and they certainly did not disappoint.

My heartfelt thanks to all who have responded to my post. Thanks to David, who I know had a very busy schedule today but managed to make time to respond to me. There was no "paper trail" at all since this is the first time anything like this has ever happened to me. In the interest of full disclosure, I should say that two fellow administrative nurses were talking with me one day when I referred to some 3rd entity, under my breath, as "bastards." This ended up turning into a complaint to my boss that I had referred to them as "bastards." :eek: This makes no sense, :confused: because as sexist as it is, the term "bastard" refers only to males in my lexicon. This was not a written up complaint and I talked to the nurses afterwards and we came to an understanding, I thought. As you have surmised, David, mine is a "right to work" state and I have little recourse when an employer wants to show me the door. :mad: And, David, you come from a very different cultural background than I and I appreciate your trying to understand my attachment to pets. I now live in a city with many ex-farmers, including one of my bridge partners who totally doesn't get loving pets. Her attitude is that if you can't eat it, what good is the animal? I am aware that I am triggered by the helplessness of animals because I am no stranger to feeling helpless. When I was a child, I was helpless in the face of my alcoholic mother's abuse and I believe that this is why the helplessness of animals triggers such a strong reaction in me. I sure hope I find a job soon and I can feel relieved to be away from an employer who gave me the feeling of being emotionally battered. Thanks again-- Catmom

I was told that the "investigation" did not find evidence that any resident had even heard my comment. (And- I was so emotionally triggered, I really cannot remember if I said the word "idiot.") Yesterday afternoon, my now ex-boss called me at home to come in to his office and asked me if I had anything to say. I said that upon reflection that I realized that I had been very emotionally vulnerable since the death of my cat and that I overreacted to the puppy being hurt. I then said I was sorry if anything I said had offended anyone and that I would learn from this in the future. It turned out it didn't matter what I said: I was fired. The administrator is not an animal person and I suspect was looking for an excuse to fire me for whatever reason. I also suspect the main complaining party was the kennel person who I offended with my outrage at her poor care of defenseless little pups. (Not to mention my underlying anger that she profits from puppy mills) :mad: Oddly, the Director of Nursing asked me if I needed anything as she escorted me to my car. I asked her if I could get a good reference from her and she said yes.

I had to put one of my two cats to sleep on Wednesday night. He was 10 yrs old & recently diagnosed with diabetes. I had no problem giving him insulin every twelve hours and all was okay until Wednesday night at midnight when I heard him yowling weirdly. He has always yowled at night since his brother (whom I adopted with him from the Humane Society) died 5 years ago. Anyway, the yowl was different and it turned out he was having a seizure, I guess because he hadn't eaten like he normally did and I hadn't noticed after I gave him his PM insulin. It was a nightmare of cramming his stiff body into a carrier and going to the only vet open at night & getting ripped off to euthanize him. I don't know how anyone manages diabetes in cats. How the hell do you know when they might not be in the mood to eat & then try to manage the insulin? Mikey (my cat) was fat & I never dreamed he might skip eating. So, I didn't get to bed until 4 AM on Thurs--got to work at 1 PM. Felt raw but functioning okay considering we are changing our whole software system to something that is doubtless cheaper for the corporation and it has been stressful. The next day was horrible. On Fridays, someone from a big commercial kennel here in my town brings small puppies to let the residents of the nursing home hold them. Sounds lovely, doesn't it? Not if you know the kennel is an outlet for the scores of puppy mills in the Midwest and the parents of those cute puppies are living in hell. These animal visits have been going on every week since I started working at my facility and I have assiduously avoided going near the pups because it upsets me terribly. Usually, twp people come from the kennel to monitor the 5-6 pups so the mentally and physically impaired residents are safe with them. Keep in mind, these pups are Chihuahuas and Maltese, very tiny and many of our residents roll mindlessly around in their wheelchairs, oblivious to danger. Well, Friday, I am in my office trying to catch up on a mountain of paperwork when I hear loud bloodcurdling shrieks from one of the puppies in the dining room where the visit is going on. I run down there to find out that one of our MR residents has dropped a Chihuahua pup on it's head and it might die as a result. (Unfortunately, I had seen this pup before and noticed it's adorable, feisty little personality, so this was a double blow) I was completely emotionally undone by this. I was furious that this fool from the kennel would not protect an innocent little creature in her care. I told her to take the dog immediately to a vet even if it seemed okay since it could have a intracranial bleed not initially apparent. I went back to my office in near tears. I felt emotionally traumatized by what happened and our DON couldn't see that having this kennel visit without enough supervision was a bad idea. The final shock of my day came at about 5:30 PM when my boss came into my office to tell me that it was alleged that I had abused the residents in the dining room! Someone reported to her that I had referred to the residents as "idiots" when I was talking to the kennel worker (who is rumored to be the owner). To be honest, I was so emotionally overwhelmed by the pup getting hurt that I don't remember my exact words to the kennel person. I do not remember calling the residents idiots and I certainly never said anyone was an idiot directly. If I had had my way, I would have told the kennel worker/owner that SHE was the idiot for endangering little pups but the administration thinks it's so great that she brings the dogs that I would get in trouble if I told her what I really think. So now I am suspended from my job because of the alleged abuse. My biggest fear is that I will be put on a state abuse registry so that not only will I lose this job, but I won't be able to get a job as a nurse anywhere. I will find out in a few days what the outcome of the "investigation" is. The Director of Nursing did say it depended on others' "perception" of what I did, which is not reassuring since many of our residents have diagnoses of paranoid schizophrenia. I just can't believe that this has happened to me. P.S. I wrote the above this last weekend and I found out today that I am fired.

I moved the above post from the "victim of pedophilia" thread as it appears to refer to another topic and unnecessarily interrupted the flow of the existing discussion.

I'd like to comment that I am in complete agreement with what Claire said about stopping addictive behaviour being an act of self love. And--Smallstar--don't wait to feel self love to stop! Just stop because you know the pills are hurting you more than the temporary escape they bring. The feeling of self love will come after you have some time clean. I am fortunate in that I found a therapy program that helped me (not 12 step based) so that I could stop compulsive gambling and prescription drug abuse. I hope Smallstar finds help, too, because isolation feeds addiction like nothing else. Catmom

Good stuff, Claire. You have offered smallstar some excellent resources to choose to use if she wants to stay clean. What she is going through is temporary and will certainly pass if she gives her brain and body the time to readjust to being drug free. Smallstar--hang in there & let us know how you're doing. Catmom