confuzzed

Hey everyone, So far so good on my "self-therapy". It's been a year since I was in therapy with someone and I think I'm doing better now that I was when I left therapy. Of course, that's not to say I haven't had some back sliding and "episodes", but overall I think things are going well. confuzzed:)

Raising children is like being pecked to death by a chicken. (no offense to anyone who loves chickens - or kids!!)

Hey Paula, your calendar idea is right on track. we recently put my dad in day care. he is in the "memory care" or dementia unit from 8AM to 6PM three days a week. In looking for a place for him I noticed that all of these "memory care" units had a daily calendar that was very large and prominently posted for the residents/clients to see. Another idea that they use in these places is something some of them call "rememberance boxes". (sorry if I mis-spelled it!) The boxes are like over-sized shoe boxes or picture storage boxes - 4" high x 6" wide x 12" long or 5" high x 7" wide x 12" long. In each box is some kind of activity that the family or caregiver can do with the elderly person. The "activity" in the box might for example be pictures of babies, baby socks, a little shirt or dress etc. This box could be used to help the elder recall when their children or grandchildren were very small. Or another box might have some kind of sports memoribilia in it. Like pictures of football games or baseball games or even a small child's glove and a plastic ball (something that would be harmless if thrown!). Again, the family or the caregiver looks at the things with the elder person and tries to get them remembering their favorite sports, teams, players, etc. I think the fact that you're making an effort to reconnect with some of your former charges is wonderful!!! :)I know from personal experience that many times when a caregiver leaves a client they never return. I'm sure that for people with dementia they don't completely understand why the caregiver left, and sometimes that wondering can be somewhat upsetting.

Way to go, smallstar!! You can do it, and now you're on your way!!! Hooray for you!!!

that's pretty funny to me! my kids are now both grown, but I sure do remember lots of those things, especially "WHOOPS".

I agree with most of what everyone has written, but there comes a point when you have to decide whether you're going to take care of yourself and your own immediate issues (i.e. your own mental, physical, financial health) or if you're going to let your feelings of compassion for someone else jeopardize your own personal well-being. I have witnessed friends of my parents become completely devastated (financially, emotionally, AND physically) because rather than look after themselves first they felt compassionate about enabling a drug-addicted child and subsequently an alcoholic grandchild. These people are approaching 90 years old and have barely enough money to eat yet the child and grandchild constantly call them for money and grow angry with the elderly parents when the money isn't available! The parents have over-mortgaged their house and consistently "rob Peter to pay Paul" to survive. I personally have had emotional break-downs in my attempts to "take care" of members of both my immediate and extended families. As a result I've had to step back from my feelings for my immediate and extended families and let them do what they can do for themselves. To me when compassion drives someone to self-destruction then it's not truly compassion for another person, it's something else. It seems to me it's more probably like some kind of personal punishment that the "giver" or "enabler" really isn't recognizing. And even when it's pointed out many times the "compassionate enabler" denies that it's the case. Sometimes they even say they know what's going on, but simply refuse to try and change the situation or make things better for themselves. I know some people will say that's a harsh view, but don't we all need to make sure we take care of ourselves first so we'll be able to take care of others? And if the care of others is detrimental to ourselves then where are we? In the same boat as the person we're trying to care for, I guess. Almost seems like it could be some kind of co-dependence, although I'm hesitant to use that label as I'm not completely sure I understand it well enough to say.

geese are really terrific fighters and great protectors! Have you ever gotten too close to the goslings and had not one but two or three mommies come after you? I honestly didn't do it on purpose.... It's really scary when they start honking really loud and spread their wings wide. Hang on to your goose, Goose, she's so cute!!

Hey hmw, welcome to the site. I was a victim of school bullying as a child - it made me very wary of people and what their true intentions were then an even now. As a result I was labeled "shy" or "unfriendly". It has taken me a very long time to get where I'll reach out to others and talk. One of my sons was the victim of bullying too. He wouldn't let me help him with the problems - he kept the bullys' names from me - but I wanted so desperately to help him. Now as a young adult he keeps pretty much to himself, although I do try to encourage him to talk to others his age. It's very hard to trust others when you've had this happen to you, I know. There are people out there that will be true friends, it just takes some looking. Good luck, and again welcome to the site!

Hey GingerSnap I think you're very correct - there are good and bad therapists. Does your husband think his therapist is doing a good job? Maybe he doesn't think so either. If that's the case then perhaps both of you can work together to find him another one. And you're right, it will take some searching. Good luck and don't completely give up - if help is needed you can find it.

Sounds like a great plan, Epitaph!!! keep us up on what you're doing.

Hey shash, you do have a lot going on! :eek: I can identify with the back issues - I've had to slow down my activites for that reason too. You can try walking by yourself. It's good for you and you just may find that you get going pretty fast. 3 miles an hour is pretty good for a walk and for some people who run! When I get going that's about right for me; I did 2.4 in 50 minutes the other day! maybe a chiropractor could help you a little too with your back. Been that route also, and it did help for a while, but exercise is really the main thing - your back may always ache but strengthening it will help you manage the pain better. Again, I found the more I sit around and not do anything because my back hurts the more it hurts. Sounds strange, but that's what happens with me. As for pain mangement and just plain old "peace of mind" I've been learning about meditation. For me it is very helpful. Perhaps it would help you too. Sunrise is right - you may want to see a therapist. You may want to try talk therapy before just jumping on meds. If you're generally healthy and have been dealing with this so far the talk therapy might just be the thing. I also can identify with you on the issues with friends. In looking at myself I'm discovering that I've been a bit of a whiner and that seems to be why I maybe don't get the return phone calls I think I should.... Please don't mistake what I just said for saying you're like me in that respect, but it's just some food for thought. Please hang in there and be nice to yourself. Because if you don't take care of yourself you aren't likely able to take care of others. Let us know how you're doing-

Hey micjersus I'm sorry to hear you're having such problems with your son. I don't blame you one bit for being afraid of him either. And do know this: you are NOT alone in all this. There are many people out there dealing with this everyday. Welcome to the community, and I'm sure you'll find some support here as I have. Take a look in the forums for "bipolar"; you should be able to find other parents there. Just always know this: you've done the best you can for him. Don't beat yourself up over it. Now it's up to him to do what he really knows he needs to do to take care of himself. If need be you may consider a restraining order to at least put him on notice to not come near you and your wife. Granted, those legal means don't always do it, but at least you'll have put him on official notice that you're upset with him, that the legal system is aware of his behaviors, and you are really serious that he needs some help. Perhaps it would be a bit of a wake-up call for him too. take care, and let us know how you're doing.

You're very welcome, nightfalls. let me know what else I can do for you. Take care!

great advice, Weasel!!

Hey Sara, write to Mark D (one of the admins - i think his last name is spelled Dombeck) and ask him. He should be able to help you out with your request. Best of luck, and we're all here if you want us to try and help with whatever it is.