Symora

Hi , I too am an emotional eater. I've gained about 60 pounds in the last 10 years. I recently decided that was enough and have been losing weight, but I think I am only able to do that because I have worked it so that my life has much fewer stressors now, and I finally have time to take care of myself for a change. You mentionned that your life is stressed, is there anything that can be done to eliminate some of the stressors so that you have more time to think about what and how to eat properly? Another thing I have been doing is looking for things that give me pleasure, make me feel good - my bills are paid, I have good food in the fridge, I buy some nice things when I can afford it, sometimes I take a member of the family out to a fancy restaurants to celebrate an event, doing some volunteer work that is helping me meet new and very nice people. Just generally I am feeling that my needs are being met more so that that I don't rely on food so much to fill the gap. Do you feel your own needs are being addressed?

I'm glad you did not delete as well Endless. I too have felt lots of anger for things that others have done to me. Inconsiderate and even cruel things in my eyes. I remember that after my divorce, in my 30s, I spend 5 years with searing anger in my gut. I knew it was not healthy but it just would not abate and I did not force it down. I find that allowing those strong emotions to finally find expression and being exorcised in a way prevents me from getting depressed. If I try to deny the feelings, or suppress them (which I did in my last relationship), I get depressed, sometimes very depressed. It creates an inner struggle within me, like a war of sorts, and wears me out emotionally. For me it is also part of a grieving process, letting go of something, whether it is strongly held values that have been shattered, or hurt, or dissapointment, or dreams and aspirations that will never be. Once I can work through the anger (which can take years for me), then I can truly move unto acceptance and rebuilding. For me there is no going back though, I cannot be friends again with that person, the trust is broken. I can be civil and even interact normally, but my heart is detached. Perhaps I still have work to do on true forgiveness...

They do always pass. I think you're ready to quit because you know you are getting nothing good out of it, you really know it, and it will make you feel worse. That is how I was able to quit some of my addictions. There just came that time when I understood deeply that if I wanted my life to get better I had to get away from smoking, or a bad relationship, or alcohol. The habit calls to us because it is familiar and our brain is used to working in certain ways, but keep in mind how lousy it made you feel before and it will help stay away from it. And tell yourself you can indeed do it. The brain is weird that way, it will create whatever you believe, so if you <know> that you will not return to it, that is what will happen. So now is the time to decide what you want to fill your mind with. What types of things motivate you, what do you like?

When I read your post Maria I see a struggle between modernity and tradition. I think your father represents tradition, he and your brother see the man's role with those eyes from what I can tell. But you are modern, you hold modern values, you are a woman of the 21st century and they don't get that, it shakes them to the core of their manhood and threathens their power base. It is almost a clash of civilizations that is happening in your close family, it's no wonder that their are fireworks :-) I went through it with my father in the 70s. My father was from a traditional mindset, and I was a woman of my generation - peace and love man! Yep, it was difficult for some 20 years, but he came to appreciate my strength and independence of spirit and I came to appreciate his penchant for duty and leadership. So my advice is not to despair, keep up your positive attitude towards your life, and time will take care of many things, even if somethings it can take years... I'm sorry you are put in that difficult predicament with regards to your brother's wedding ... it's the type of things that can leave a sour taste in our , so I hope it works out so that it is remembered as something pleasant for both you and your family....

I think there should be can-can dancers when you reach 3,000 :-) That would make it memorable, would it not ???

Funny you should say that, I sort of feel that way too now. I really attibute much of it to the forum, it seems to have calmed me to be able to be me and be treated kindly in that, always. And reaching out to others, being there for others is very enriching, as you say. Overall, a good mental health forum is a good tool to improve mental health I think :-) Do you feel the forum has helped you make that transition or did it happen with something else?

Hi GingerSnap, I can sort of relate to what you are saying because my belief in God is central to my life and my values as well. I've tried to start threads about spriritual and religious matters, but they peter out very quickly... I know some other people here are religious, although we probably don't share all the same perspectives if we are from different cultures, backgrounds, religions (I'm a Baha'i for example, from Christian roots), but part of being religious I think is a capacity for tolerance and a deep knowledge that we are the cells of one body of humanity and that we all deserve compassion, kindness, love.... Are you feeling targetted by the views that are expressed in the main page, which I don't know much about to be frank... ? It's not easy to be religious in western culture today, it's perceived as being narrow minded and perhaps even naive. But practicing the precepts of religion, on the contrary, is a very tough thing to do and there is great strength and courage to be had there, so in my books it needs to continue to be included and discussed, and I personally would like you to stay.... I think you add a lucid and straight up voice of experience to the forum, even if you have conservative religious views :-)

Hi... In reading your post I felt that you were also goading her on by being stoic, knowing this would anger her and make her crazy. Perhaps you are both being agressive towards each other, even though your approach is more passive. She obviously wants to hear that you still love her and want to be married to her but you can't tell her that because you may not want to be. So how come you are not really discussing these deep issues together? Are you at the point where you just want to leave her but are waiting for her to kick you out?

It's called the manic phase, the opposite of the depressed phase. For me it's like being a bundle of energy, moving fast, talking fast, laughing loud, and then I get doing this, and then that, and I become a fabulous multitasker. But like you sometimes I can't seem to find just the right thing that makes me feel like the excess energy is being used up, so I have to move to the next thing. Then I tire myself out too :-) Do you find that periods like than can be followed by a period of depression? Do you cycle from one to the other?

I'm so happy for you! Thanks for updating us, it's always so encouraging to hear about someone who is taking the steps and getting their life back on track. It's not easy being a single mom, I've been there, but what you're doing is so important for you daughter, you should be proud

That's a great idea ... hope you both have a pleasant walk.

You are going to therapy, right? Are you also taking any kind of medication. It sounds like your mind is looping the same situation over and over in your head. When I do that it is because I am experiencing physical depression and I need something to make my mind function better....

How could you, you were a child, and he was an adult, and he worked very hard to dominate you and manipulate you. How could you do anything, you were a child, a small child.... But today you are no longer a child, and now you have a right to be mad and to direct your disgust toward him, because you understand. Pull yourself into you adult self now, and see how fragile and naive that child was...she understood nothing of the world and how people could be...