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LaLa last won the day on April 20

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About LaLa

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    one of the forum moderators

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    33 y.o., was in therapy for 2 years, but it ended too early (in 2011)


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  1. Do you mean know knowing how to use the help or the opportunity to ask for help? (It just seems to me that this sounds more probable than problems with the interface of this website.)
  2. Hello, Vini, thanks for the clarifications! Don't worry about when you reply - it's only up to you! (And I know it "from the other side" very well myself - I often procrastinate with writing and replying, even to close friends...) Now it seems to me your main problems are your loneliness and your expectations of some sudden positive changes which don't arrive. You have many serious questions related to you faith, as: Do you have the possibility to talk with your pastor / priest (-sorry, I don't know how he's called in your church) about these issues? It seems you haven't done it so far - is it because you expect rejection, misunderstanding, judgement? If he would react this way, it wouldn't be in accordance with the religious teachings, would it? (So you would have a just reason to go to another parish.) Although a competent and understanding person from church would be ideal to talk with you about this, I'd like to write you at least that, as far as I know, there is not such a concept in Christianity as "you deserve the bad things that happen to you on Earth", that "they are a retaliation for what you did". I would rather recommended the questions "How have I myself directly contributed to some of these problems I have? What happened without my contribution = what I couldn't influence? What can I do to make my situation better?" (instead of "What have I done that I'm punished this way?"). You've already had the experience of a close relationship with a girlfriend, so you already know you're able to make such friendships you need and that there are people who could be your friends and/or partner(s). The problem is you're living a bit too isolated, probably meet always only the same people, ... so to meet your future friends and wife would probably need some more and new 'socialisation'. But you probably know this... - Here is one proof: It reminds me of this talk - so often posted on this forum - have you watched it already? So, yes; you're normal and it's never easy to make yourself vulnerable, but... it's necessary and it can be learned. You're right; mind is very powerful... and it's up to us to try to learn using its powers in a good way... It makes sense how you describe it. But... you say "society", while you're only talking about people going to the same church as you. Being rejected in one community doesn't mean to be rejected elsewhere. In some cases, such a rejection was a very good thing that happened in a person's life because it allowed big changes for better. I don't say you need to be rejected in you community! I'd just like to make you understand that even if that happened, it wouldn't mean a catastrophe and it could even be a beginning of positive change. So... does it now sound scary to the same extent as before? Here are some videos about related topics, if you're interested: I still don't think this is related to your mental problems, but... it sounds a little alarming to me. Do you have a normal, rather healthy diet = eating habits? If so, then taking vitamins in supplements isn't a good idea if you don't have a physical condition that requires them. For instance; I know someone who got kidney-stones due to taking, for a few years, vitamin C almost every day. They say you need too high does for side effects, but if you're already (genetically, for instance) prone to some problems, then the doses in regularly sold supplements can be already too high for you. One text about the doest and symptoms: The vitamin B12 should be relatively safer that the C, but... even if not dangerous, it's probably totally unnecessary to take it in pills: Focusing of a balanced healthy diet it much better for anyone that taking supplements (including the omega 3), because actual food brings you not only the vitamins, but also other things you need (fibre, for instance). Advertisements / publicities want to persuade us that we need pills because they want to sell them. But you may find many articles backed by health care professionals who explain why food is better (if you don't have a special condition), for instance: What did the doctor say about your result? Couldn't you repeat the exam now, to know if it's a longterm issue? Because it might have been just a short, acute increase, or even an error of the test (it happens!!). Do you have some clear symptoms of too high testosterone? In any case, I would recommend you a repetition of the test and a consultation with a specialist in case the hormone is still too high. Thanks for the wishes . Good luck to you!
  3. Good luck with your recovery, Tim! It's good that you decided for the surgery, despite your feelings of shame. (I'd like to write you that doctors don't care at all about your size and they don't react in such ways as you imagine (they've seen others with similar sizes), but... I know I don't have any proof so you wouldn't take it as a convincing argument. ... )
  4. Hello, Marybot, welcome! Good to know that there are more and more people who "get it" and want to have an open mind! This is definitely a place that can use this approach - sometimes it's very needed. And perhaps you'll discover here some more types of problems previously more or less misunderstood. It's certainly been a great place to "open my mind more"... So, welcome and... we're looking forward to your contributions! And, of course, feel free to post about your own issues and troubles anytime when you need to!
  5. Hi

    Hello, Peter, welcome! What brings you here? Feel free to share your issues and pose your questions!
  6. @Griz, what a great idea to handle the situation that way! And mainly; congrats to finding new friends and a new partner! (Sorry it didn't work out well... But I presume you don't give up; that's important!) Good luck to you!
  7. I'd heard this song many times before, but this time it made me think of you and others in a similar situation / with similar girlfriends. Although it's not "about the problem with size", it's about painful aspects of relationships, so I imagine some of you here might like it (?): (The lyrics are under the video.)
  8. cq, I wouldn't call your posts "rambling" . You describe your thoughts and feelings concisely. It's always good to get out of your chest what's hurting or bothering you! And I appreciate a lot that you're not somehow revengeful and wish the others only few days in your shoes, not all their life. Based on what I sometimes read on the SPS forum, it seems that this kind of attitude (and "jokes") is widely spread . (BUT it may be just a bias created by the fact that those who post here about it are people suffering from SPS. For instance, I personally don't know anybody who would say such a joke or said anything about it, while I new a guy who used to say about himself "publicly" (-around friends, but not just the closesed-ones) that he's "small" and we laughed a bit only because of his own funny way to comment it: "But a hummingbird is a skilful little bird!") So your "friends" are probably not "special" / "extraordinary vicious"; they are just very conformist and "tribal"; they enjoy the "appartenance to those who can laugh at the same thing" more than they think about the broader context of such "humour". But even though we cannot say they're "particularly vicious", it doesn't meant they are "the right people for you to be friends with" and that you should try to find a way to "keep" them. Or do you think such a loss would be worse for you than the suffering you're undergoing due to them? Have you found something insightful in the articles I posted? I've found also this one: - the comments below might be also interesting, the first, for instance, put well the same ideas I wanted to write to you in this post: You wrote: Yes, these are justified demands to friends. But... the key here seem to be the verb "suppose": You've supposed it, because until recently, you wasn't in a situation where it could be properly tested. (There are too many quotes about this for me to choose one - have a glimpse yourself : you know your friends when quotes ) I don't belittle the situation; I know it's painful . But I think it's better to realize that you need better friends than to painfully try to somehow get back to the previous feeling/impression that your friends are "the right" people for you and they "should" do what good friends do... What do you think? (I've also found a book about hurting friendships - here are some pages available, in case you'd like to have a look:
  9. @YOTH, no worries ! But thanks for the explanation in your second post anyway; I appreciate it! Yes, I also think they are not friends - that's why I used the quotation marks for that word in my post. And my fantasies weren't meant to "realize", as I mentioned; I described them to convey my personal feelings about such issues. I know that such immediate fantasies about dealing with a complicated situation aren't (usually) something to take advise from. But perhaps some of their aspects coud be inspirational for deeper and more "to the point" reflections. (As when you wrote that if one wants to speak about this topic, then separately, not to all of them together.) I regret mentioning Trump... Never a good idea... *sigh* (Anyway; just one remark: I've never been in the USA and I don't watch CNN/MSNBC .)
  10. Hello, CQ, welcome! To be honest, I'm always really disgusted by people who behave, talk (and thus think) as your "friends" and the case you described is even more outrageous than quite many I've read about so far. It's so stupid and hurtful and I cannot imagine how they may consider their "amusement" (?) to be more important than their friend's feelings. At the same time, wondering too much is too naive; many people are like this and they are probably too ignorant to give it a second thought to understand what they actually do - I suppose that some of them, if not all, would stop acting like that if they really understood the reality - your feelings and the absurd but real burden this issue is causing to you. (Yes, it's absurd, because caring about 'size' is totally absurd - there are so many much more important things in a relationship and this even shouldn't matter to a couple that is 'mature enough' (mainly emotionally and in the context of 'social / relational' skills) to form a strong partnership based on love, respect, and friendship.) My first reaction to your situation was: You should find a good occasion when most of your friends will be there and make them a brief but very poignant "lecture" about how absurd their behaviour is - in a way that would make them feel very ashamed but that would present you as a confident person who can stand for himself, not be too hurt by such an idiotic behaviour (=theirs), but who has his limits and won't let himself "abuse" and can well articulate his point. You might also include there that you want to inform them about SPS because they never know if there isn't someone suffering from it around them when they're making a joke 'about size'. And ask them if they would make jokes about disabled people, for instance (-did they feel outraged when Trump mocked a disabled person, for instance? Good - then tell them they're doing something quite similar, although 'tiny size' doesn't mean any disability, but it's the same in the sense that it's innate and it can sometimes bring many problems to man's life - particularly because of jerks like they are, mainly when they become one's girlfriend...) You might also explain them that they are in fact bullies and ask them if it's really something they can accept about themselves. But well; I know it's much easier written than done. Don't take it as an advise. For "real advise", I'd recommend you these articles: They are very long, I know, and they don't talk about your particular problem, but I'm sure there are several paragraphs you could apply to your situation, so it's worth reading the whole texts and finding those. I also recommend you this short video to accompany your reflections about your "friends": Perhaps you could e-mail them this video and ask them what they consider to be the purpose of their friendship with you, because you've been wondering for some time already if it really was more than just having a "scapegoat" to mock and to feel "superior" around... + some personal reflections about your past and present views of your friendships with them. But that's just another fantasy of mine, sorry . Good luck!
  11. Could this bring you some new insights?
  12. about intrusive thoughts and OCD:
  13. Hello and welcome! I can only second what IJ has written. I also wonder if these sources could be useful to you in your attempts to understand more the 'voices in your head': Is that what you experience? Or is it rather something like this? And also; does your school provide some psychological services? If yes, it would be probably the best to try them, as your mom is in such a denial... Good luck and take care!
  14. hi

    Hello and welcome! We won't exclude you from the forum if you don't post any obscene material or any advertisements - and certainly not for grammar or spelling! I really cannot understand how that could be an issue; moreover, I've already seen several anglophones with much, much worse way of writing (and they didn't even care or mention it). (I'm not anglophone, BTW.) The issues you've described are quite horrible by themselves, not to mention their combination! ... But I suppose you didn't come here for being pitied and perhaps neither for compassion. You wrote: but that sounds rather like a joke which intents to avoid rejection and disappointment by anticipating them, or even something worse. Yet you came here, despite several rejections elsewhere, so there must be a need in you, even if you don't consciously feel or admit it. I understand that it feels much safer to hide your needs when you know that not having them met would be painful. But without expressing them, you cannot give us a clue about how to be somehow useful to you. I know we, unfortunately, cannot heal any of your illnesses, but perhaps you have a need for some kind of connection, some kind of sharing, that shouldn't be neglected and that we could, hopefully, meet, at least to some extent... BTW, have you seen this TED talk? Writing about the need for connection reminded me of it: Good luck and take care! And keep posting!