LaLa

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LaLa last won the day on April 20

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About LaLa

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    one of the forum moderators

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    33 y.o., was in therapy for 2 years, but it ended too early (in 2011)

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  1. Thanks for the video, @Klingcorn! And Beth; yes, scientists/psychologists have these explanations, too. I can understand it rationally, I just find it weird anyway (we humans are weird in general ).
  2. This reminded me of a bizarre "statistical observation" that the number of suicides is much lower during a war - people "suddenly" want to survive. Who knows; you might also change your mind. But I hope war won't come to test it...
  3. You're welcome, S.! I'm really glad I could "make a difference", at least a small one . I know it can feel good to receive a positive reaction, but I mainly hope you're going to feel better in the long term and find some 'more concrete' help. I understand that you're uncertain and fearful; it would be weird or probably even "unhealthy" not to feel so in such a surprising and upsetting situation. But it's important not to "remain stuck" in this shock or even let it escalate somehow the problem. I believe the communication about it you started here is a good way to avoid that. BTW, you might also want to read more about the OCD aspect, here, for instance: http://www.ocdspecialists.com/pedophile-ocd/ http://www.louisvilleocdclinic.com/pocd.php (+ links there) Yeah; therapy is in most cases such a private thing that it's better not to disclose much about it to others (just what you need / really want to say). (BTW; most of my family doesn't even know I was in therapy and I don't want them to - mainly the closest ones. In my case, it's because I always used to hide my problems so it would be an unnecessary shock and they would probably blame themselves for my problems even if I told them they're not responsible - I want to avoid that.) I also think the nature of your problem is quite difficult to understand for too many people (because they would mix their emotions and prejudices in it too much, as people do in case of 'sensitive' issues), so why would you risk their disgust etc. just to be honest to them? Imagine it like a physical illness or injury: If you have, for instance, some "ugly" wound, you won't show it to people. They don't need to see it. All that's necessary is you being treated well and taking care of yourself and healing. I think it's the same in your situation: There's no need to disclose your problem to others, not even to those yo love, and there's no reason to feel bad about it - would you feel bad about not showing them a physical injury or illness that would be "disgusting to see to people who aren't health care professionals"? (Just to be sure: I'm not saying you are disgusting or something like that. You're not. But talking about the character of your problem to people who "aren't used to it" can make feel them disgusted. They could finally understand and get used to it, but... do you really need such a proof of their loving and understanding nature? ) Good luck!
  4. Hello, Savoidam, welcome! (I'm sorry this reply is so late... There are times when no moderator checks the forum for quite a ling time .) Don't worry about disgusting us (or at least: me); it's good that you've got that off your heart - we're here to listen and I think it was an important step for you to finally write about it. And, BTW, I'm not disgusted at all by what you described - I would be only if it was about something you actually did. I know from quite many people already (have you read their stories here on the forum?) that it's most often very hard to cope with the appearance / emergence of this type of feelings and/or fantasies. Sometimes they even cause a very disturbing obsession and / or a big fear that one would perhaps be sometimes able to "act out"... (This can sometimes be more OCD than pedophilia.) I presume that when it's causing you a lot of fear and stress, you tend to obsess about it and this, in a vicious circle, can make it worse and more intense... So, besides the longer-term reasons you mentioned, these are the risks due to which it's better to "do something about it" very soon. What could you do except for communicating on a forum about it? BTW, there is a site dedicated to people suffering like you - perhaps you could find there more relevant help than here, where we (or; most of us) cannot relate to your situation by using personal experience: http://virped.org But perhaps communicating in a written form won't be enough. Mainly if the thoughts about suicide keep returning... I would recommend you to try to find a specialist (psychotherapist / psychologist) who's got already experiences with treating people attracted to children. (This topic seems to appear more and more often in sources that "general public" can read (at least in our country), so there you could perhaps also see a name of such a psychologist.) I can imagine that this idea brings even more fear, because when you're not anonymous (like in therapy), you don't feel so protected. But perhaps it's really some psychotherapy that could significantly help you, while its risks are tiny, so it would be better to seek such professional help. There surely is a way to live with such "inclinations" without hating yourself (you can mainly praise yourself for knowing you would never harm a child etc. - it's much better than being disgusted) and even pursuing healthy adult relationships without all the problems you imagine now that this can cause you. I'm sorry I don't have "a plan how to achieve it"; I just know it's possible and wish you to find your way soon. I'm sorry I can't offer more today; I'm writing in a hurry ... I just want to give you a few main ideas, hoping you'll take some advantage of at least one of them. I also hope you'll keep posting and share more about your struggles. Good luck!
  5. Here's a "kind of guide" I've recently seen, but... it's very depressing or horrifying to read - I'm not sure it's a good idea to recommend it: http://www.shtfplan.com/emergency-preparedness/a-survival-q-a-living-through-shtf-in-the-middle-of-a-war-zone_10252011
  6. Hello, snarchivr welcome! I hope you'll find this forum helpful. Good luck!
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  8. Good news! It takes time and effort, but you're already on the right way and that's great. I wish you the best of luck!
  9. Hello, Malachy, welcome! I see that you have a big dilemma . I cannot give any advise from my experience, but I've found this hopeful blog that might help you to get a better picture of the probable effects: http://bipolarbychance.blogspot.sk/2009/04/learning-to-find-creativity-after.html And BTW, are you satisfyingly creative when you're experiencing symptoms of BPD? (Is the illness really better for your career than being medicated?) What I imagine as a solution is to try to med for some months - long enough to feel the positive effects and to get a chance to revive your creativity, and then decide. (You'll may also decide to try another med - some may be worse for you that others.) What do you think? (It also reminded me of another, similar "debate": Do medications influencing the mind change "who you are"? For instance, you could listen to this interview: http://www.cbc.ca/radio/q/q-schedule-for-monday-march-2-2015-1.2978080/the-real-me-emily-landau-on-antidepressants-and-identity-1.2978105) Good luck!
  10. Hello, PrettyLou, welcome! I'm sorry your depression and seizures are taking so much away from you ... Trying to find out "who we are" and "how to live" is (and/or "should" be?) part of the lives of most of us. But trying to do it while struggling with depression is much more challenging... Do you have a therapist? I hope you'll find a way to share more your issues here with us and that then it will become easier to do it also in person, with at least one good friend. We are here to listen . Take care!
  11. I'd also like to ask you: And have you been complexly checked by a physician? I don't want to frighten you, but some behavioral or emtoitional changes are sometimes triggered by a physical condition, although we hear about the inverse case much more often...
  12. Hello, b. I'm late here and I don't have an answer to your question either, but it also sounds to me like a symptom of some mental disorder. Depression seems the most obvious (because it's probably the most commun condition that leads to this symptom and you'd experienced several possible triggers before your problem appeared), but perhaps you could try read this (or search for more reliable info) and find out if there's something that sounds probable to you: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reduced_affect_display How have you been in the meantime? What's your experience with mental health professionals? If you haven't found someone helpful, it doesn't mean there's nobody there to help. It just sometimes takes time to find "the right person" ... Take care!
  13. You may also have a look at the videos I posted today. The first guy also says people who'd seen him couldn't know he was depressed: http://www.mentalsupportcommunity.net/index.php?/topic/9297-recommended-tedx-talks-and-the-school-of-life-videos/&page=3
  14. A great life story, inspirational not only for people with Indigenous heritage: http://www.cbc.ca/radio/campus/this-is-what-happens-when-you-steal-people-s-land-1.4038564