eyva

Hello! I'm so sorry you had to experience such a terrible thing. I don't know if I'm the right person for consolation, but I would like to do it as best as I can. Firstly, don't think that the only way to get rid of these dreams is death. Then you not only will get rid of these memories, but also the whole of life, which can become happy. You need to have hope and even confidence to improve. Then, look for a specialist. Start with a good psychiatrist who will direct you to a trusted psychologist. One of the most effective ways of treating PTSD is cognitive behavioral therapy. If your husband also can't deal with it, you can try some family therapy. If you'd like to talk privately about your problems - don't worry, please text me, I will try to answer as soon as possible! Take care! :-)

Hello malign! You discovered my great passion - not only anime, but all Japanese culture :-) In Polish 'good morning' is 'dzień dobry'. It is pronounced this way: 'Jeyn Dob-ry'. Polish is really hard for people from other countries ;-) So far I don't even want to stay in reality. :-( But I really hope to solve my problems. And I'd like to live my life to the full, not hiding alone in my house. :-)

Hello, Thank you for the warm welcome! Reading and writing distracts me completely from reality, and that is why I like it so much. Especially creating my own stories - in such moments, I "live" in the story and I forget about all the problems.

Hello! Thank you so much for answers. These really made me cheerful! Well, I think the worst problem I have now is inability to define my sexuality as well as general depression and great fear of people. I'm terribly afraid of being judged by others. When I hear my name (which is quite rare in Poland) I'm automatically sure that someone speaks badly about me. Actually, it doesn't look like that, I wait until they notice it. Most of things I told them direcly (for example about mood swings) but they paid attention only to thoughts of suicide, self-harm and low self-esteem. It fits perfectly into the typical depression. Actually, I'm afraid to speak only about sexual problems. But the idea of describing everything on paper is great! It would be much easier for me. Thank you for the wonderful idea! Thank you about this too, I promise to read this immediately after the exams! Unfortunately, in Poland it's hard to find another school therapists than behavioral psychotherapy. I have no good memories with them, that kind of therapy has never helped me. I finished it with the same mental state or I started to be panicky afraid of the therapist. But I'd like to search for some other methods. Can you recommend me any? And about the finals: well, I am scared of them. I know that I'll pass them (mock exams went quite well), but to get into a good university in Poland I need very high scores. I regret also my choices (we can choose subjects we're going to take). I should have chosen the subject that I like and know well and not to try passing advanced Polish (which is a nightmare for me). But yes, I can try again next year. But I already lost one year because of my mental health (all my classmates from primary and middle school are in universities now). I think I'll try to pass the exams and then I will search for good therapist. Thank you again I really appreciate your help! Take care

Hello, I apologize in advance for any mistakes. My native language isn't English. I hope that everyone will understand me. I ask for help in this section, although I'm not entirely sure if it's a good place. I don't really understand my condition and I don't know what is wrong with me. For several years I have been treated for major depressive disorder, but the doctors I met on my way didn't notice some of my problems, with some of them I was ashamed to speak. At the moment I'm in a fix. To make matter worse in less than two weeks my final exams are waiting for me. I can't stand the pressure. It all started with emptiness. Ever since I can remember I feel a huge sense of meaninglessness of existence. However, this is not all the time - there are times when I forget about all this and I'm glad - you can even say - I fall into 'mania'. However, these bad moments far outweigh in my life and a few times I tried to kill myself, and so far I hurt myself (cutting hands, stubbing out cigarettes on the skin). It's not like that in my life something terrible happened - I have great parents, no one close to me has not died, I wasn't beaten or abused. As a child I was very shy and I became 'a pray' of my school mates. Because of that I am terribly afraid of other people. On the other hand I terribly need them - I hate to be alone, even just met a person automatically becomes a super close to me, he or she knows all my secrets. When I entered puberty and experienced my first time, there came another problem. I hate sex. At least with a man. I wondered for a long time if I'm a lesbian (only movies depicting two women turn me). On the other hand, some men really attract me. I can't imagine myself witha woman and my fantasies represent only men. However, sex with a man doesn't give me any pleasure, it's even unpleasant. I feel pain. Mental and physical. It doesn't change the fact that I have always been searching for relationships. At the moment I'm with a girl, a little younger than me, with who I didn't have sex yet. However, my huge mood swings caused our quarrels and even now we don't talk to each other. Because of that I started to search the Internet to find some new people, mostly men, with whom I am even willing to make an appointment just for 'fun'! I can't even stop it now, I'm able to do anything just to meet people. I start meeting new people because of anger and then I can't say no to them. I can't even explain it well. In a nutshell: I'm a horrible wh**e. And there is another thing. I often use psychoactive substances. I don't mean I use some heavy drugs, just these commonly allowed like some meds. Just for pleasure. I prefer to get away from the world in which I live, I really hate it. And another: eating disorders. But it's just a part of my very low self-esteem, I hate myself, my appearance and my life, I can't look at the mirror. Everyone tells me I'm skinny, I'm pretty, and I don't believe it. From time to time I do 'a hunger strikes', but I can't stand it too long. I'm thinking about starting to throwing out like bulimics. Everyone tells me that I have huge mood swings. I don't notice it, but people in my surroundings always repeated that. I can fall into a rage from euphoria, one wrong word and I can stop speaking for a week. These "nice" times lasts really short, most of the time I spend angry or sad. Is there anything that fits into this scheme (in some way)? I ask because I have no idea how to deal with it. In real conversations I am too ashamed to say everything. So please help me. What to do with all of this? Am I sick? Are the doctors right and I am just suffering from depression? I think that it might be some kind of personality disorder, but I'm not a specialist. And further, whom can I ask to help? Find a psychologist, psychoanalyst or psychiatrist? Or maybe someone else? And do you have any other questions? Do you understand everything? Thank you in advance, Ewa

Hello, My name is Ewa and I'm from Poland. I registered here to meet new people with similiar problems, find help in a difficult situation in which i find myself and perhaps to help somebody too. I'm a student right now (until tomorrow . I'm interested in culture, English language and literature. My hobby is reading and writing short stories. I'm going to be an English teacher and a writer in future. Any questions? ^^ Talk to you soon