renewablecloud

I don't quite understand how one would be healthy angry in this situation ... Like I don't know how anger is supposed to be showed. My parents like never showed anger. Y'know. Everything made sense reading melody Beaty's codependent no more. I may have to got back to that. Hugs!

He isn't. He is a child of an alcoholic though. He was actually really supportive one night and then the next night he when through the budget again and started making sarcastic comments, not so much directed at me, but at my roommate. It's been feeling like he is trying to start an argument, a little, but no one is biting.

Thank you!

Yeah, what I meant was that I wasn't drinking, but everything else was there. Isolating myself, not going to meetings, not being rigorously honest with myself.

I recently made a big old screw up. Like the budgeting went all wrong sort of screw up. We had just finished moving and a lot of the numbers were changing and I got out of the habit of going to meetings and I would up assuming that everything was going to be okay with my numbers. In denial. Then I got secretive, ( which I wasn't able to identify that I was at the time). And eventually, everything came to a head. So my husband is a little more than a little livid. Which is totally understandable. I really messed up. ( and my roommate is also getting some of the flack from this). The house is very hot right now and my husband is mad and being antagonizing. I know this is my fault and I'm going to have to get back to meetings to get back to basics, but I didn't know about how to deal with stuff in the meantime? Like, if he makes a sarcastic comment, what is the best way to go about responding? Thanks everyone!

Hi guys - It went well! I simultaneously started to read this book on co-dependency and everything kind of fell into place. Now to just try to keep on breaking my patterns of co-dependency, and I'll be doing pretty well. I'm in the middle of a mini-dilemma, just now. So I'm just going to write it out and hopefully it will start making sense to me. One of my co-dependent features is to just take care of things with out really considering how it might effect me. Now, my husband just chipped a tooth and so we have to go get it fixed. Dentistry is, of course, gawd awful expensive. And so I told him to go ahead and make an appointment. Now, of course, I'm worried, like oh, I have to make sure I know how we'll pay for it and bla bla bla. So I'm the one that keeps the budget and what not - so it is my responsibility - at the same time I don't want to build up a resentment. It's like. Okay, what's my responsibility? I know part of me is just nervous because I don't know what the cost will be. It's that unknown. But, at the same time, medical stuff has to be taken care of. Gosh, sometime all this stuff get so confusing. Thanks for letting me share!

Yeah, and I knew exactly what you mean by feminist. And I think it really does describe her. And I was thinking it was an age difference, but that whole claiming power thing does hit it on the head. Especially because I am looking to be on a more even keel and not cower and shy away from things. Love you guys lots.

Thanks guys! This was all very helpful. I'll let you know how it goes!

Thanks guys! This was all very helpful. I'll let you know how it goes!

So, I've been going to this new therapist since August. I've been pretty candid with her. And in our last session she mentioned "oh, well you can always leave him" with regard to my husband. Which was kind of a shock to me - because none of my goals involve divorce - they involve trying to make me a healthy solid individual in recovery. I'm a rather till-death-do us-part kinda gal (barring abuse, and a few other of those sort of things). So, I was too in shock to say anything last week, but then this week session goes by and I decide to bring it up again. I wish I could remember if I told her if it upset me. But I brought it up and she was like - "thinking about it is scary." And I was like yeah... and I go on to tell her about how a feel about the whole through sickness and health deal - because my husband's been sick. And she carried on the sort of not now (which carried with it this weight of later). I'm just kind of perplexed. I know I didn't share everything about the session above, but I don't know if I'm overreacting. And I don't know how to bring it up with her next time I see her. Maybe just to write it out here: I felt upset still by your comments last session. I felt misunderstood. Separating was not a consideration for me, I am wondering why you alluding to it? What I feel like saying, though I think it's too mean. I feel like you put me into a cookie cutter. I feel less like your empathizing, and more like your going thought your experience and saying - oh - this is going to happen anyway. Might as well just prepare her for it. But guess what lady, I know the statistics for my situation. They are pretty grim. Most people in my situation do divorce from their spouses and I think that is ALL you are grabbing at while loosing sight of me as a person. It upsets me because I love my husband and we have been though crap together and we're still standing - and we're still working though our issues - individually issues and those that come from having a family. The things that upsets me most is that you've made me feel like I've missed some obvious thing in my relationship. You said it so nonchalant. I feel angry at you. And it makes that question of "how was therapy, honey?" really uncomfortable to answer when I trying to be honest. It tears at me. I feel upset with your choice of words.

Why do I feel so defensive when my husband talks about not liking my therapist? He thought he was unprofessional. We just wound up having an argument and I don't know how. My husband is trying to find his own therapist, and the discussion becomes very emotional for me. I feel so cloudy in my thoughts. I wish I could explain or understand more. I think its my fault. I think I must have done something wrong. I just don't understand. He's had not a lot of luck with therapists in the past. Maybe its the difference between thinking and feeling. Maybe my emotions are too stong to be able to talk with a good deal of clarity about my therapist apart from the reason why I was so fond of him.

Smiles. All I can think is smiles right now. It was funny. After I posted this I went on and actually looked how many times women masturbate. Its funny to me that it took me so long, and had to post it here before I was able to bring myself to look it up online. Thank you for your very concise answer. I never thought about the overeating thing - I forget that a lot of ppl in my fetish actually do carry into reality. I'm guess I'm grateful for active imagination.

That sounds wonderful. I never realized how much I wad effected at work until I stopped. It a great decision. Thanks for your wishes. All the best!

Today I celebrated 3 months, go my chip, got a home group, and wore my purple sweater. The sweater is the most important to me right now. It was the sweater that I wore the last time I saw my therapist. It has long been a color for me that represents pain. But there's pain in growth, so it's okay. I tried to wear it last night, but just cried. Today I cried, but I was glad to be able to wear it. I think it's a good thing.