Buggyflex

I would often OFTEN have manic episodes... because I have Bipolar Depression. And my psychologist told me to wear a rubber band on my wrist, and when I think a negative thought, to switch the rubber band to the other wrist and think of something else. It makes you do something physical to like write in stone that you are going to think something else. Now, in the midst of a manic episode I was literally switching wrists every second. It didn't really help me exit a manic episode but I do think it has made me dodge many. It stops the spiral. Try it! I think it could work for many illnesses maybe. All I know was after I tried it, I was really glad she taught me that.

Well I posted this in the wrong category.

I would often OFTEN have manic episodes... because I have Bipolar Depression. And my psychologist told me to wear a rubber band on my wrist, and when I think a negative thought, to switch the rubber band to the other wrist and think of something else. It makes you do something physical to like write in stone that you are going to think something else. Now, in the midst of a manic episode I was literally switching wrists every second. It didn't really help me exit a manic episode but I do think it has made me dodge many. It stops the spiral. Try it! I think it could work for many illnesses maybe. All I know was after I tried it, I was really glad she taught me that.

You sound a lot like me. I decided that my restlessness was caused my expecting by "doing things" would cure me. I wanted to become the BEST PERSON EVERRRRRRRRRRRR but I couldn't because I was sick. Maybe this is whats going on and maybe really its just that you relentlessly want to surpass your disorder. I have also thought that it was just anxiety. I believe there is a lot of anxiety involved with bipolar disorder. I have manic episodes that can last from 30 minutes to hours. They used to be so bad that they would just keep going until I made myself go asleep. Then it wouldn't be there when I woke it. Anyway I was always fearing the next episode. Sometimes, I think the anxiety of fearing the next episode actually caused them! It really sounds like you want to break the boundaries of your illness. Maybe you get some anxiety from thinking that you can't. Just some ideas. : )

I feel like a lot of people have rejected me in my life too.

I'm glad you mentioned something about this. I think I have some personality problems that I have developed. When I get close to someone I get very easily annoyed with them. It makes me fear for my future marriage and even having kids. I'm not engaged but I hope to be married someday. I often feel like people are too predictable and I get bored with them. I often blame it on my bipolar depression... but I don't know.

Thanks! I'm not always like this. Todays been a good day. I can be really mean to people when I feel discontent with my life at that particular time. I do a lot of reflecting on my life and it's usually not good. When I live in just this moment, things go much better. I also can just shut off when I have the slightest fear that I might have a manic episode. I feel so comfortable talking to people on here because we're all struggling.

I'm so excited about this site! It's just what I need! I discovered it on Tumblr when I searched the tag #bipolar.

Oh my gosh. I'm Erica and I'm 21. I have bipolar depression and it makes me have manic episodes where it really hard to control my thoughts. My world just crashes. And when they first started, when I had them, I would have uncontrollable thoughts of suicide. Those stopped last november but I have had a few episodes since them, just I didn't think about suicide feverishly. Anyways I totally understand about wanting to talk about episodes. I feel no comfort in talking to my friends. I just feel like they can't relate. And my family ignores it too. I think my mom is scared of it and my dad thinks its a disgrace. I really hope you can get back on meds soon! Message me anytime. Were kind of the same age so thats cool. I'll add you as a friend. : )

I understand craving spiritual moments. I am a Christian and sometimes I just become over come by the spirit. It's beautiful and overwhelming. It is light. But I have had to learn to be okay in time of not total joy. I feel persecuted sometimes and that is a time to repent. There is time for me to improve and become a stronger christian and that is a time for studying the bible and think and be in deep prayer and to listen. Sometimes god doesn't say what I want to hear and that definitely doesn't bring me great joy, yet it is still a spiritual experience. Maybe you can take something like that. We may not be from the same religion but were still sisters in a sense. I hope this gave some insight.

I always thought I was a horrible person too. I didn't empathize with people well. I was happy when bad things happened to people it think because I wanted them to suffer like me. My life has been a mass of extremes. I thought I was the best human around while at the same time I hated myself. I was super happy yet I was super depressed. Mi have bipolar depression so I think that's why. Anyway last year I was put on medication and now I'm the mellowest person I know and it's awesome. The only problem is if I get too excited I get panicky. It always feels good to feel sad and crying because sometimes it's hard for me to tap into that emotion. So it's good when I do. For some reason I find a beauty in sadness. It's real.

Hi! I'm sorry that you had to go through so much. It makes having a mental disorder so much harder. My dad was an alcoholic and my mom had anger problems. So, I when I was diagnosed with bipolar depression I started blaming it on having a bad home life growing up, even though thats not true. But yeah. I found myself always envying other people who did have a good home life, and just wishing for it all the time. I copied people thinking that I was messed up and they were 'normal'. I have recently embraced who I am. And I'm happy about that.

Thanks for replying are welcoming me. I really like the site so far. Its an amazing support system. And a great way to fill my time. Extra time can make me get lost in my mind and this is a positive positive time waster. Nice to meet you. I started at a junior college last year and they have soccer as one of their sports! its so fun to watch! I didn't have soccer anywhere around me when I lived in missouri. When I move back I will definitely invest in some Sporting Kansas City (professional soccer team) tickets every now and then.

Hi. I understand what you mean about "putting on a mask". I did that though because I am a christian and I am supposed to be joyous for being saved. I didn't feel like myself. I eventually let myself feel. I don't know how helpful it is though. I spend a lot of time alone because I am just in college. I don't have a job. I am scared to get a job after I finish my degree because I will need to be kind of "perfect". Im going to be a teacher. I get sarcastic and just really mellow; emotionless, or kind of wired and worries. I have bipolar depression so thats why. Anyway I want to be the best teacher I can be. I want to be someone the kids want to connect with. Its very important for the teacher and student to have a mutual respect. I'm afraid that my illness may come between that. Like if I'm unstable what will they think... thats the things I think about. So I can relate with that mask thing. I don't want to put one on.

So, todays my first day on here. I think it will help. I feel very lonely sometimes. I have bipolar depression. I was diagnosed sometime after christmas of 2013. I have manic episodes. I can't control my thoughts very well when that happens. I would always think about killing myself. I didn't want to kill myself. I was just afraid that someday I wouldn't be able to stop myself. I have high hopes for my future. I want to have a family so bad. I want to be a good mom. And I want to meet the one. I have less manic episodes now. I haven't had a full blown one for like 2 months. I have been getting like, mini episodes. Like neutralized, duller, not as bad. Why am I so bad at describing? lol. I'm graduating with my associates degree in may. The next semester I'm moving an hour away from my mom to get my bachelors. I am terrified. I hate being alone. I am fearful of my illness. I can't handle it when I'm alone. I mean I can, but the fear becomes a vicious cycle and I start to hate everything about everything. I basically decide that every aspect of my life is miserable. I do that to distract myself from my loneliness and my fear of a manic episode. I joined this site because I hope for someone to talk to when I am fearful or having a mini episode. I think this could be helpful. Oh. annndddd Im erica. Im 21. Im going to be an art teacher. I like basketball.