raven

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  1. Thank you so much for this, it is truly humbling <3 Thank you for the recommendations. I love having all the space for interpretation in literature, even in a fairly direct concept. I really can't thank you enough. I hope you're doing well, take care
  2. I think the violence towards animals has to do with lack of an outlet. Actually going through and giving into the anger by performing those kind of actions feeds into that part of you. I think that when it comes to identifying what emotions or presence that you make, the bottled up and contained feelings obscure the actual view of the things you do. While doing these things will help temporarily, in the long run it's doing too much harm to yourself and others to be healthy. I want you to know that these feelings you have the disdain for will pass. In the moment it's difficult to truly discern the actual situation from how your thoughts/emotions of that time perceive the situation when there are so many things stuck inside your head. Everything becomes so quick, anything that's running through your mind is at full speed and goes through without filter that eventually causes conditions to look different from what they are. Let the important things stick in your thoughts and let the insignificant things go. Decide that the unimportant things will matter for a minute, an hour, a week. Decide that the significant things will matter for maybe a few months, a year, your lifetime. Identify what will affect THOSE things. "It's hard to be the better man, when you forget you're trying." I really hope this helped, and that you're doing well. Stay safe, Brooke
  3. Hello. I'm really just trying to work myself around this site, so if this is posted wrong or something then idk Man, this is going to be a long post. I consider this my first real attempt at a completely anonymous help source. To elaborate: I've talked to some people about the things that I have been experiencing/thinking/living. I have a very helpful counselor that works for the school that I am now leaving... She was a very good outlet for me during school hours and helped me feel secure there (that's saying a lot, I guess). I am fourteen years old and going to be starting my freshman year here in a couple months, that fore-mentioned counselor cannot be. The relationship that I have with her is under some pretty restricting circumstances, if you couldn't tell. The obvious reason being that I'm not going to be able to see her as often, and second because counselors usually aim more towards goals and won't be evaluating my feelings and all that jazz. The thing is, the counselor I'm more comfortable with was willing to talk about my feelings, regardless of whether or not they were school related. To sort of temp-remedy the situation she had me talk to a counselor who worked with the middle school once a week and at the high school the rest of the week, to make me feel like I had someone to talk to that I'm familiar with. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the effort and care put into the whole thing. But I know that because I'm going to be in a high school setting counselors are going to want to talk more about my success and involvement in school. Now, I'd missed a whole ton of school this last year(I'm on summer break now). So much so that I'd gotten to my fourth truancy letter, which equals court where I live. My principal was very kind and understood that I'd missed school because of my ever-increasing state of depression. She talked to me and we decided that I'd attend court on the agreement that the judge would be able to find an outside source for help, in other words: a therapist. So, bringing it back to the counselor thing, I'd been seeing a therapist with my comfort counselor was out of maternity leave. We'd talked about the aspects of a high school counselor and what they would and wouldn't talk to me about. So we established a pretty clear difference between a therapist and a counselor. The therapist would be a little more anonymous and would hopefully help me sort out my feelings and allow me to find ways past the depression. Swing back further into the year around Octoberish. I'd had a pretty nasty episode and began sleep and antidepressant medications. Everything with that is working out pretty well, but we're still trying to find the correct therapy to assist me in my seemingly infinite adventures in pursuing happiness. I really need some advice in what to look for in said adventures and, hopefully, everyday life. I know it's a lot to ask for... requesting that someone over an internet chat group to nit pick their way through my personal current accounts to try and aid me through the freakin canyon of depression. But, before my wits leave me, I'm gonna talk about some things that have been bothering me lately. 1. I feel like I'm dreaming, basically just under the surface of reality. I'd give anything for a list of ways to get my life to become real and important to myself. The more awake half of me is so different from the one I assist everyday... I feel like there are a million different supposedly-mes and I don't know who "I" am (whatever that means, man). I just want to become myself. 2. At times I romanticize the idea of never being attendant in the waking, real world. I know the real world sucks but this couldn't be much worse, honestly. All in all, the whole complex has turned into some freaking proverbial, twisted, knotted up network of anything and everything inside and outside of my life. Do I chalk the whole thing up to be depression? Is this just me? Am I way too far up my own a-hole? I don't know. I feel like if I could identify the whole thing it'd be the most liberating event to take place among me and every other me that exists in my head (heck, best case scenario the sense of all the other mes will obliterate). A final thing I think that is important: "I'm never leaving this temporary life" (<-- even more nonsensical junk) Sincerely, B