3DecadeCuck

I am new to this forum, but I am not new to humiliation or degradation. I have been married twice and have a 4" erect penis. Both my wives saw other men for sex, yet said what I had was enough for them. I grew up being bullied because I wouldn't fight back. I was also considered gay, even though I never did anything to make them think this, in my opinion. I found that I erotisized my torture and found enjoyment in being ridiculed and humiliated. I fear men and women. I don't know how to fight, and even if I did, I'm not sure I could. I got beat up a lot growing up. And soon after I married my first wife I took her to a swing club where she had sex with I grew up behind a topless bar, a massage parlor and a adult arcade. So, I saw a lot of sex. And I got involved at an early age, with men. I found that when I allowed others to have sex with me, or if I did things for them, sexually, that I was most accepted. As I grew older I tried to date women, mostly because when I had a girlfriend I got beat up less often. I found that by dating women I was seen as more a man. So, even though I wasn't masculine, I didn't get bullied as much. But the girls I dated saw other guys for sex. This was because of my lack of size. My current wife says I am more than adequate, but she does enjoy other men from time to time, like twice a week or so. I have found that by sharing my wife that other men treat me better. I have often wondered if the reason I looked to date women was more so that I wouldn't get bullied, rather than having a romantic attraction. I have never had friends. Yet, I have many male friends (who have had sex with my wife.) These are guys who like to call me and ask if my wife would like to play with a "real" man. And they are also always appreciative of my lack of courage and acceptance of my lack of size. Am I alone in this?