PintoSampaio

Hello. I've found myself in a situation I don't know how to deal with. First of all, I have to write something more about my personality. I'm a guy, 22 years old. I'm very introverted person and rather shy. I don't talk much, I don't feel comfortable in a group of people; I'm socially awkward. I prefer spending time indoors in activities such as: watching a movie, reading, getting to know things, listening to music, playing video games, browsing the Internet, sometimes drawing or watching football. But most of all, thinking about basically everything - both mundane and very deep, philosophical things. I know my value, I know I am a good person. Helpful, listening, honest, kind, (however now I sound pretty selfish ) caring, sensitive, etc. I'm able to live with people, just very little of them. I don't think there's something seriously wrong with me. I am happy with my life - I love my way of living. Yet, I have never really had any friends. Not to mention being in love. About a year I've met my (now) best friend. First and only special person in my life. She's very similar to me (she has a real, deep soul) but less awkward, shy; more brave, funny and a bit outgoing. We trust each other completely, we spend a lot of time together (only 2 of us), mostly talking about everything. We just love being together, no matter where, when or what we are doing. We're basically true soulmates. Of course, we have had our ups and downs. If we have believed that such thing could be said about best friend (not lover), we could say that we truly love each other. She says I'm the most important person in her life (excluding her family, of course) and I'm everything she would need from another human being. Even being together in silence makes her feel good and happy. But even though we are so very close to each other, I sometimes feel that I'm not the best friend I would like to be. Because I'm unable to be. Even though she says I'm someone extremely special, I feel that, because of my social awkwardness, my shyness and way of living, I couldn't give her any great fun or give her amazing memories that she would remember for years. And even though I know (with my brain) I can trust her completely and I believe that we will be best friends for many, many years, I feel (with heart) that she deserves someone better. More funny, outgoing, unusual. When she says she's going to the movies with other friend, I feel jealousy. And fear of being rejected. My brain knows it will never happen, but my heart is scared. I don't know what to do. It used to be much worse in the past. Now, as we've been best friends for over a year, such feelings come to me very seldom, but it still happens. And then I feel that I have nothing really interesting or impressive to tell her, to give her. That I take too much and have nothing special to offer. Sorry for the long post. I don't know if you can help me. I just want to be the best friend she would ever have. I want her to be happy. Maybe it sounds weird, but... I know I'm enough, but these feelings... they keep coming back.