Vini

Dear LaLa, Forgive me for taking so long. Thank you so much for you response, I'll try to answer you as better as possible. That's true, I think I'm passing through a crisis or something. I can handle myself. These insupportable moments are starting to be more frequetly. And I ask God for help and nothing comes. I don't know what I would do without God in my life... Why is He letting this happen? I know I'm a sinner, but did I do something horrible to deserve it. My heart is just broken and I wish I could share it with someone I like, someone to be beside me when I need it. I feel so lonely and helpless so often. I ask him for a good wife to support me in this life... And don't think I had a bad live, I've always studied in good schools, I have everything I want from my parents. I work and I studied. I have a solid family. Got to travel the world and all. Sometimes I feel that I was not very love by my parents. My father worked all the long and I was kind of created by sevants. But I don't want to blame my parents for it. The experience helped me to look inside me, it helped me to understand that I need to change, that I need help to overcome whatever I'm passing through. But that was just one, I had other ones. At home, when I go to sleep, when I pray I bust into tears asking God for help and guidance. Well, yes. I felt that way maybe because I often weigh a lot the opinion of others. I think I'm too insecure and I long for acceptance. Instead I should've feared only God. Also, I feel people don't care about me. Sometimes I feel like a burden... and I can go on telling bad things about me, but that doesn't help. Maybe that's pure vanity of me, oh I'm the most depress guy in the wourld. I don't want to feel like this, I want to live an abundant life like Jesus offered... Sorry for putting God in everything... I just think that God is everything. Hmm... I don't know. I think that would change something for sure. Who would like to be with me? Who would like to talk with me? I think people would be scared of me and they would create a way to avoid me or deal with me somehow. And that would hurt me, being rejected from Society. I don't know. But I think it could be only my mind creating things. The mind can do powerful things. If it's not one thing is another... I think I create these mechanisms. When I was younger I thought I talked to much boob... I think I'm just complicated and I never had the courage to share things with people, because I was afraid of rejection or something. Exactly! That's how I try to live my life. Makes sense to me. Just like I said before: only God can judge me, so I live to God not for others. Then I think I'm a little paranoid. I've been to some psycologists before, but I stopped. I'll search for one. I took vitamins C, B12. Omega 3 and a one that is called man's pill which contains all the things the body needs for one day for a man. I took all these stuff and when I returned from my internship I went to the physician and the exams showed an abnormal level of testosterone in my body (way to high). But then after a couple of months. I've read in the internet that high testosterone can increase the risk of mental diseases... not sure though. Thank you so much. Best wishes.

Hello, I'm desperate for help, I don't know what's going on with me. It may sound weird, but I'll tell anyway. I don't even know where to start. I just arrived from church, and I'm feeling terrible. In the way back to home, I started to cry and pray with myself out load, asking God for help, waiting for a miracle. I cried out for Him for His the only one I can tell everything, the one that comforts me the most. He hears me when I pray, but I wish He could answer me. I feel my whole body crushed and my head aches. Millions of thoughts in my mind. Thoughts of situations and people... Every time I cry I feel better. Anyway, this was caused by something that have been bothering me a lot. I don't know if it's just my mind creating things, but I feel that people (from church for example) think that I'm crazy or something. They don't tell me directly of course, but sometimes I can hear them talk about it. But again, I don't know if that comes from my head. And that's a big problem, because I lose the sense of reality. I wish someone would tell me, "you're not going crazy or paranoid, it's only your mind". I don't know what I should do. That started happening when I was in foreign country, I was a exchange student. There I had amazing experiences and all, but I felt quite alone, especially when I starting living alone. So I was depressed. I had a girl friend there which I created a deep connection, but we broke up later because of the distance and all. That affected me a lot. Also, I started taking vitamins and pills to help my body, but I think it may had created a chemical imbalance in my brain. I still have to take some exams. I think I've always had problems with low self-esteem since school. It may have been developed to a more serious issue. I don't know if I have any cognitive problems, I'm finishing my degree in engineering and working. I have no good friends, I'm the type of guy who is timid, an egg hard to crack. So I keep many thoughts to my self... I'm pretty sure that's not very good. Anyway. I don't know why I've always been like that. Help, what should I do? Where to go? What's my problem? Thank you for reading and sorry for the long text.