Hello Everyone,
This is my first time posting to this site. To give you a little background information, I am 30 years old and I am quite small. I am about 3.5 inches and it is something that has caused a lot of issues with me emotionally and socially. I have had 2 girlfriends in the past and the sex has never been a highlight of either one of those relationships.
Anyways, to get back to my current issues...
About 6 months ago I found out that my crazy ex from a couple years ago told my closest friends that I am tiny. I know for a fact that she told them that I was small, but I do not know the details of what she said or exactly how she said it. I know she has some pictures of it to and I hope that she wasn't that mean to share those, but I wouldn't put it past her (she was the biggest mistake of my life). So about 6 months ago I started noticing some of my friends making small penis jokes indirectly around me or felt like some have been talking behind my back about it. It also seemed like I was being laughed at by my friends when I would pursue or talk to a girl when out or while dating. Now my group of friends consists of girls, guys, some married, and some single. The comments that have been said or things I have over heard has been extremely hurtful. They have been so hurtful that I even ran, physically ran away, from them while out at a party once. I have spent many nights after crying about the fact that I am small and now that my friends know my deepest secret that I spent almost 30 years hiding.
The hardest part about all of this is that I have spent so many years being the stand up guy that I thought I was. I have always been a great friend to all of them and I have totally felt like complete crap after this. I feel like my self worth has been diminished because of my friends. I feel like they consider me a freak and they don't even want to hang out with me sometimes because of this. I have spent many dark days and nights wondering how to fix this and I cant think of anyway. I honestly hate myself because I have a small penis and I cant stand that my friends know that I am tiny. It has affected a lot of my life that every time I hang out with them, all I can think about is what they might be thinking about my size. If my friends laugh when I show up, I assume they are talking about my size. I once even think they told a girl I was talking to that I was tiny because she stopped talking to me instantly when one of my friends (who is a girl) talked with her. To put it simply, my confidence is shot and I am hurt that my friends know. Has anyone had this happen to them? I cant think of anyway to fix this and I really do not know what to do.
Sorry if I rambled on...this is how my head seems to work lately.