Athena

Nice to see you too IrmaJean, It's been a longggg time since I've been here. My daughter likes to cook but cannot get motivated to. It's a good suggestion, I need to find a way to get her to remember. I'm not a good person to remind her as my memory is horrible. Without a routine, she gets up really late, eats breakfast around 2 or 3 pm, then isn't all that hungry at dinner. Anyway, I probably need to get creative on how to remind, motivate and get her to plan ahead. Her preference is to find a recipe on YouTube but she doesn't follow through and write down ingredients and quantities so she never gets started. I find cooking tiring but it's much less exhausting than trying to motivate her...so I end up just doing all the cooking myself. Sorry about your daughters. It does get worrisome when they are so underweight.

My teenage daughter has always been very picky but in the last year and a half, it’s like pulling teeth getting her to eat. She just doesn’t have an appetite. I suspect the causes of the almost zero appetite are depression and anxiety, made worse by lockdown. I don’t think it is anorexia because she has always been below average weight for her height and would most certainly be the thinnest girl I have ever known. I have read that the worst thing you can do to get an anorexic to eat is to keep asking them to eat. I suspect the same for her, even though I don’t think it is anorexia. Any ideas on how to get a teen to eat and gain weight in a healthy manner? (Other than getting professional help for anxiety and depression, which I’m already doing).

I can't handle yelling either. That includes when it's not even directed at me. I take it so personally. Sounds like your Mum has a lot on her plate. Maybe you could ask her to set up a night where you do certain chores and get paid a certain amount for them. She can do some at the same time so you are making the house look nice together. It might be motivating for you and reduce her stress (and possibly back pain) immensely. If you do this every week, you can probably get it down to an hour a week. Even that amount can be a huge help.

Hi Whiterabbit and welcome to the community. There are a lot of nice people here so I know you will always have somebody to talk to here. It sounds like you have friends and yet you sound very lonely. Depression can do that. It's like you're in your own little world for fear of scaring people off. Maybe your friends and/or SO could handle 'some' of your issues. You don't have to go into great detail (I'd leave any mention of cutting to yourself, or to the professional mental health workers, or to sites like these - society in general just doesn't seem to be able to handle the idea). This is probably one of the safest places to talk about your issues so feel free to express yourself here to whatever extent you would like (observe 'trigger warnings' however. As you say, the danger in 'real life' relationships is that mental health issues scare people off. Outside of this community I have found that 'testing the waters' helps. Appearing 'kind of normal' helps. Then you can gauge who is 'safe' to talk to based on the reaction you get. Not everybody is good at comforting others, but if the smallest of issues scares somebody off, is this the kind of person you can have a close relationship with anyway, so it may not truly be a loss. Please keep posting, and don't be afraid to ask for help. You will find some people who have gone through (or are going through) similar issues to yourself and I have personally experienced life changing input from people here.

Hi AshleyB, Sorry you're feeling so bad. It is unfortunate that your school's counsellors don't seem to be helping. Perhaps they are overloaded. The fact that Trump won simply means that there are a lot of angry and depressed people out there. Is there another support system you can turn to? (or you may find this site helpful). Keep in mind, the press focusses on colourful people. They are not going to turn their cameras on the many millions of people in your country who are tolerant. For some reason we seem to be drawn to things that will shock us. I think for your mental health, you might want to stop reading about Trump for a while, or anything negative for that matter, and just focus on your priorities and what will make you happy. Seek out the kind of people who will lift you up, not tear you down. You CAN get over the cutting habit...and eventually over the urge (I did). The trick to stopping cutting was to find 1) the motivation (reasons to stop) and 2) a healthy alternative for coping. If the motivation is your cats, that's great...keep thinking about them, how much love you have for each other, how great they are. If they are near you when you get the urge to cut, go to them, do something for them, pet them, feed them something special, brush them, anything. For me, if I could interrupt the urge long enough (usually less than 10 minutes), then I won. As to a healthy alternative, here's one: There is a mindfulness app called 'Headspace' that you might find helpful. They have a free 10 session package that you can listen to to see if that helps calm you down enough that you can start thinking clearly. If you decide to try it out, first use it when you are relatively calm. The effects are gradual, but it is so much better to have a clear head working for you than a highly agitated one working against you. Take care of yourself.

Feferi, I'm so sorry you're feeling so down. Also sorry it took a while for you to get a reply. There are a few things that I'd like to say in response to your post: First of all, everybody does NOT hate you. There do seem to be an awful lot of bigots in the U.S. but that does NOT mean there are not a lot of unbiased people out there. I'm guessing you're in high school since you are still with your parents. Since they don't seem to be offering much kindness or support, you're going to have to look elsewhere for it...The gay community?...Your current friends?...Family of your current friends? You get the picture. I've seen incredibly mentally healthy adults who had horrible, horrible parents. They surrounded themselves with mentally healthy and supportive people. You do not need to give up just because Trump got elected. Who knows...he may actually make it easier for Americans to get jobs. We just don't know. The vote was anti-establishment, not anti-gay, not anti-female. Check out Martin Seligman's youtube talks as I believe he may put you in a better headspace to help yourself. Take care of yourself and don't give up.

I hate the fact that I can't play with my kids without getting really sore - stiff, achy muscles and joints all over after about 10 minutes or less. and...and...and...I was about to go on and on...but I could probably say that the worst thing about getting old is that I am afraid to take on new challenges because of a huge fear of failure and the fact that I don't feel I have enough time to invest the effort in something new and then possibly fail at it. It literally causes me to freeze up. But I read something recently that I think may be quite helpful. If you're afraid of trying something new, 'Pretend you're good at it'. In fact, write in on your arm if you need to...and look at it. It worked for the mentally unstable author of the bestselling book "Furiously Happy" so I think it's worth a try.

Oh my goodness, I have not been here in...what...2 years?...and this is the post that I decide to go to. I choose to believe that I have improved somewhat...or perhaps only in this particular moment...that I decided to visit 'The Lounge', the 'not so serious' place. Anyway, back to your topic. I think why this bothers you so much Lala is that criticizing others for their beliefs is easy. Ignoring or belittling others' beliefs is easy. It also has been proven in studies that those who are 'critics' are perceived to be more intelligent. When in fact they may in reality be less intelligent. So don't worry about speaking up and expressing your views. If they criticize or refuse to be open to your point of view, that is their loss for failing to hear something that may be very informative. I think most emotionally healthy people really don't worry that much about what others think of them. So they can probably take it. My guess is somebody who feels Trump would be a good president probably doesn't think they are emotionally disturbed. (Even if that may in fact appear to be the case, from the observer's point of view!) Therefore, no harm done if you speak up and express yourself. Warning: I have had the flu for two months and feel slightly better rIGHT NOW and oops, sorry, the cat just jumped on my 'shift' button so please don't take offense to the caps there, I am NOT yelling at you! So...feeling a little better, I am indulging in a glass of wine with some very old, very sharp parmasian cheese and it would appear that I don't know how to spell it given the squiggly red line (no I don't think its the wine affecting my eyes). Anyway, if none of this makes sense then I hope I have provided an adequate excuse.

So I'm not around here for - like forever - and this is what I miss? Wow Epp. Congratulations. I'm so happy for you.

Hi IJ, and thank you and the 2 Marks for keeping us up and running! The MHN site was getting too slow for me to use so I am happy for the transition. Perhaps I will visit more often now...No problems signing in for me.

Hi Ralph, That sounds like a rough situation you find yourself in. I don't think I could move for work where I didn't know anybody. Maybe you could reach out to your friends through e-mail or Skype and see what kind of reception you get. It would at least give you some kind of indication whether you still fit into their world.

Hi Ralph, Just checked in to say hello. Good for you with the volunteer stuff. How's the music coming? I met somebody who collaborates with a friend of his by using something called 'dropbox'. So they decide to work on a piece together and they can share music files over the net. Basically his friend is too busy with wife and family so this works for them. Just an FYI. Sorry you're still lonely. I think one needs a larger network of friends around when they are in a LD relationship. Failing that, something to keep them busy in the evenings and on weekends, preferably with others. Although the internet (Skype/IM/phone) all makes it easier to keep in touch with one's SO. Anyway, I'm glad you have some good things to write about lately. Take care.

Too bad about your T. I'd be a complete mess if mine stopped right now. It seems that your problem at the moment then is indecision. And fear keeping you in that state. It probably takes effort to go track down the right T for this and any excuse to procrastinate is probably stopping you dead in your tracks. Maybe you could write down the required steps to get you moving on this and it would give you that little nudge that you need. Just a thought.

Sorry Ralph, that sounds rough. I suppose CBT could help you cope at some level until you are ready to deal with the tough memories. What do you think would have to happen for you to feel strong enough to handle them? What made you leave the PTSD therapist?

Have you tried to remember the details and work through them in therapy?

What kind of bad memories? Major traumatic event or years of years of people letting you down in some form or another and therefore you've simply grown to expect the worst from people?

What is the core problem Ralph? Meaninglessness? Loneliness? Emptiness? Disconnection? Not living up to some standards you've set for yourself?

kudos to you! But I'm confused about your answer - you DO have somebody to play with? or not? If not, why not record it and throw it up there on youtube? Just put it to some pics up there if you don't want to/can't do video. Then send us the link !

Maybe the local music store or music lesson studio can put you in touch with people, or google 'jamming yourcity' It took me a while but I finally got plugged into the local music scene here. Lots of people cross pollinating with different bands. Not that I'm anywhere near ready for that, although there are all different levels. But now I see what I need to work toward. And now I know that there is a venue for people who are ready to get up on stage for the first time without too tough a crowd.

Do you have some guys to play it with?

Hi Ralph, I'm glad to see you are back to your music because you said you were happy back when you played. The problem is it requires self-discipline. I just signed up for keyboard lessons. Mostly for the accountability. Also, I am looking for tips on how to make learning and ultimately jamming - easier. My end goal - produce an album. Or even just a bunch of finished pieces on youtube. It seems I can't do anything without a goal (well, unless it's an addiction - then it's super easy). Once I get started, I enjoy playing but it just takes SOOOO much effort to get started. I'm working on 'piano man' right now. What song are you working on?

Way to go Ralph. They say exercise is a habit that, once it becomes regular, you miss when you don't do it. I sure find that to be true.

This sounds wonderful Lana. I would think this positive outweighs the negative of your prior post above. I'm happy you have some support.C

Oh, and i concede victory to you Ralph on our pact. Should have been checking in weekly. I'm sure you exercised WAYYYY more than i avoided the net. Anyway, i got some good feedback from another site that is really helping me now in therapy. So my penalty is no junkfood/sweets for a week. That's gonna be tough. Gotta clear out the pantry first:).

Wow - you must be really good. I took my first keyboard lesson yesterday. Learned piano as a kid but I want to learn the tricks of the trade, not just royal conservatory stuff.