Lone Horseman

Thanks random. Most my "relationships" are over before they ever begin, and over time I have developed a rather cynical view of love itself, but I still do want it so. It is good to know others have trouble overcoming the confidence barrier, I think at least one real "success" (be it sex or at the very least having a girl that I like desiring me as well). Thanks to you too Shye, being around other single people really does help. Right now I am just in a really bad position, cause I just graduated college and don't have a new job yet. Something should be lining up soon though so I will at least be meeting new coworkers and branching out further (trying to meet girls through my current friends is tricky to navigate and its tough for me to get in touch with most due to distance, I live in the middle of nowhere). It is just tough trying to go from talking to a girl to the "does she like me? should i touch her hand? should i try to kiss her?" stage. It is tough enough when you are young and inexperienced, but at 26 you are pretty much expected to be good at kissing (and sex), so I sometimes get over that when displaying even a mask a confidence. As it is now, I just try my best at faking confidence and being social. I don't even know where to begin looking though now that college is over and parties are few and far between. Its tough to progress with coworkers, cause I am always afraid that rejection will make the workplace awkward, I hate dancing at clubs (I can't avoid looking like a white guy dancing, regardless of being good or not) so meeting girls there usually hits a dead end, and I never want to feel like a "creep" just trying to hit on random girls. So currently meeting girls is a bit of a barrier, but once I have met a girl I like (and is actually single, an even rarer occurrence) I just want to find a way to get to physical contact (I always fear at some point I've lost her interest). Maybe I just need to keep experimenting between "having a girls interest" and "alcohol" to give me the courage, trying to find that perfect medium before the intoxication causes a lack of interest (so far its at least gotten me phone numbers, but little else).

Just posted some of this in the New Members thread, but I figured it was more appropriate here. I turn 26 this month and got here from the 26 year old virgin advice post when googling it on a whim. It is helpful to read how other people feel and are dealing with similar issues. First off to explain where I am: As I said I am a 26 year old male virgin, and (as others here have also said) I have never kissed a girl and never been in a real relationship. I understand the majority of my problem stems from a lack of self-esteem, but I fear the longer this continues, the less likely I will ever have sex. I have no moral objections to losing my virginity. Up to a point in my life, I would say I wanted to wait till marriage, I came from a very religious family, but I have also had the innate desire for sex as long as I can remember (so as a teenager, I always felt "wait till marriage... but if something happens sooner all the better probably soul mates anyway". But I was a dumb kid who believed in romantic ideals and not yet jaded by society and life). Though I lost my faith gradually over time (though I still have some theological belief), and eventually that had little bearing over the issue and now none at all. But even more than sex, I desire physical and emotional intimacy with a girl (sex just being an amazing bonus). My problem is that I have no confidence in myself whatsoever. I can get by day to day and fake confidence so people do not think worse of me (I hate to burden others with my problems) and can appear happy and without self-doubt (the latter illusion is not consistent however). I can talk to girls without trouble, but I cannot seem to find a way to either gets girls "interested" and if there is any point where they may be, I either pick up on a subtle idea that there must be something they don't like about me (and its likely often only in my head, but I cannot help but think that is how they must feel), so I feel why would a girl want me to touch her hand, much less how could I possibly try to kiss her? I personally feel like I am not attractive, not brilliant, not hilarious, not wealthy, not stylish. And yet my rational mind knows that I am not ugly, I am intelligent to some degree, I can make people laugh, money isn't everything, and that it isn't difficult to find the right style. But because I do not feel like I am really a "high positive" (and at any given time, I will often feel highly negative about any or all of these) in any of these categories, it just isn't enough to be "worthy" of desire. Because of these self-doubts I can rarely seem to even attempt more than conversation with a girl. All my past failures are cemented in my mind tearing away even the artificial confidence I use, continued attempts become more difficult all the time. I even fear my lack of confidence as something to be unconfident about. I want, so much, to just have a close and intimate connection with a girl. To "love" a girl and have it reciprocated, and if that can lead to sex all the better (or if the sex leads to love, whichever order; and even just sex itself is absolutely fine as well; my modern jaded ideas of "love" probably find it easier to believe in "just sex"). But I also fear now that because I am so inexperienced at my age, I would be bad at everything (kissing, holding her in my arms, sex), and I further worry all of it would be awkward because of the fear that she might not actually desire me. I just feel lost when it comes to bridging this gap between meeting a girl and actually gaining her affections.