Andromeda

My boyfriend`s mother went alone in the mountain and we lost contact with her this November. He went to search her with Mountain rescuers, but they found her dead after four days of searching and he is so depressed right now. Im trying to help him, but I feel really bad for her too. I lived in their apartment last three months and I liked her a lot. She liked me too. But now everything is ruined again. Every time I think that maybe things will be fine, something is ruined again.

When I think that maybe things are going fine everything have to turn bad. Im so tired of life. 😢

I hate myself.

No. In my university there isnt psycological consultant for free. But thanks for your support

I feel like Im so uninteresting person. I feel like soon or later my friends will leave me, because I act like idiot sometimes.

Thank you IJ. Im trying to stay active and go out with my friends most often and this helps, but when I go home I feel bad again. I guess that my new situation helped for me feeling like this, Lala. I just still feel nervous when I have to go to work. I make mistakes at work sometimes. I know its normal not to be great and not to know everything at work first weeks till you adapt, but everytime I make mistake I feel like its proof that Im worhless and feel anxiety and depression. I dont show that I feel like this, but inside Im mess. Even small things can make me feel like this. I still havent graduated from university and I have this feeling that Imunimportant. My friend knows that Im there for her and Im talking with her a lot about problems and she tells me hers, but I still feel like a burden. I didnt tell her that I feel suicidal, but Im sure she suspects it. She told me to call her when I feel bad and sometimes I do, but still I dont to bother everytime and she sometimes is angry when she finds out that I felt bad and didnt tell her. I dont want to be burden.

I feel suicidal a lot these days. Something little can make me start thinking about hurting myself and that there is no point. My friend is worried about me and I dont want to bother her. Last two months were stressful, but I had more stressful days in the past, but now I feel suicidal and I dont know why.

Even if part of the blame is yours we still care about you. Everybody sometimes feel pain and dont know what they are doing,because they are blinded by hurt. We are humans. Dont be so hard on yourself. I know its hard( I too struggle to be kind with myself), but I hope you will feel better soon.

Im so sorry that this happened to you, Tina. I dont think you have so much blame in this case. My first year in high school I had social anxiety and problems, but I found friends that care for me and support me even if I vent to them too much. Sometimes Im more secretive about my problems and they are people who ask me how Im feeling and if Im fine. I do the same for them. This year one of my friends had mental break down and she even called me at night, because she felt bad. I never even for second though that she is toxic friend, because she always helps me too. My point is that real friendship is to care for your friend and to try to help them when they are suffering. You not feeling well is not reason to abondan you. Of course you maybe was venting too much and making them unconfortable, but they just had to tell you not to talk so much about problems and try to distract you with something like my friends do,not leave you. If you are first year in university I think you should look for friends that care for you and are there for you and of course if they had problem you should talk about their problems too not just yours. You can write me when you want to talk. Take gentle care of yourself

Hi Im sorry that you are going through this . Im sure you wont act on your urges. Ive never heard of person with OCD to act on them. I can tell you that your mind is just playing tricks on you, because I suffer from OCD too. I suffered a lot when I was in highschool and I was scared that I will hurt my family so I know that OCD is awful. I was suicidal for many times, because of it. But you are not alone. Just take a deep breath and try to distract yourself with something. You can try to stay with your nephew and I know you will feel anxiety first, but later you will feel better. and Im sure that you wiil not act on these thoughts. Take care

This week was better. Maybe because Im studing biochemistry with one of my friends so I had some funny moments. I saw my other friends this week too and we will go out tomorrow. Im just scared that when Im not with them I feel bad and suicidal and I dont have reasons to feel like that at the moment.

I feel lonely this week. Im going every day in the park, but sometimes watching people is making me more lonely. But maybe this feeling will disappear soon.

I just wasnt in a mood to write. My father came to see us and first days things were fine, but last days he and mom are fighting a lot and he is dissappointed in me.Because I still have two exams that I have to pass and I had problem with them. I was ready for one of them, but I had nervous break down and I didnt went. He said that I dont do anything. He dont understands mental illnesses. So Im not sure that I will graduate this year :(. I want to be able to do meaningful things,but I dont feel capuble enough.

My life is mess

Yes I feel better this week. Maybe because I saw my friends and we had walk in the park. The weather is better now and this helps too. I can go out more often. I dont know about the medications. My friend who is depressed went to psychiatrist and she gave her antidepressants. So I hope she will feel better. Im not sure if its good idea for me. Im kind of scared of side effects. I know I can stop medications or change them, but still if this happen my mother will say that she is right . But my firend said if I need to go to psychiatrist she will come with me. Its nice to know that and that she care about me.