BlueAbaloneDog

Yes, I do try to be there for her, but its getting hard to be because I don't like the way she is with her kids, and the little girl cries whenever I leave. She is really needy, its hard to see my daughter screwing up with her kid. Heartwrenching it is.

Hi Olivia, Nice to meet you! I have a lot in common with you. Not the purple hair, but if I was 16 now I'd definately have cobalt blue hair. I have some of the mental stuff in common though. I have a friend who is in med school and she has more mental health diagnoses and addictions than I do, including bipolar and dissociative disorder...she's brilliant and she is going to be a psychiatrist. I am proud of her and brag about her for any reason whatsoever. Do you like rats? I love them. Keep expressing yourself!

I used to go to SLAA, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. People with every kind of sexual compulsion support each others' recovery in this fellowship, and there is some really good recovery in those rooms. They have a basic text with a lot of stories of recovery in it. How a person works their recovery program depends on their own needs; it is self tailored in that the individual identifies behaviors which they must not engage in, called "bottom line" behaviors, lines which must not be crossed. I have seen in these meetings people dealing with the following issues: love/relationship/sex addiction, prostituting problems (both sides of the street--customer and sex worker), compulsive masturbation, pornography addiction, someone who exposes himself (forget the term for that?), and, people who are court appointed, who I believe were convicted of sexual offenses, which I didin't know the nature of. I live in a big city and there is a flourishing SLAA community here. Why not check it out and see if it's in your area. A supplement to therapy. I had dinner with friends the other night, one of them is in a group which staged a protest to a church program which was going on called "Pray the Gay Away." I don't know alot, but it seems people have been broken of their sexual attraction to the same gender through religion/prayer. Now I am not religious, and I personally would never suggest something like that to anybody, because I wouldn't want it suggested to me, BUT---what I am suggesting is that there is a spiritual component which you could invoke in your situation, and that is: it would be selfish to engage in a relationship with one so young, is selfish to sexually objectify one so young. You could look at it that way. ( You've probably already looked at this in more ways than any of us can imagine.) Many would argue that there must be a spiritual component to any change you try to do when it comes to deep psychic issues, and what turns you on sexually is a very deep psychic issue. I myself have questionable (disturbing) things in this department, but I can ignore them because they arent really affecting my life. This might be a dumb question. Do you have a really strong mental stucture built up in your mind, in vivid detail, of exactly how any impropriety with a young girl will ruin your life and the lives of your wife and kid? If not, get the video, lol. Yes, I reckon that is a dumb almost insulting question because you said you've been fighting this your whole life. It must be tiring and I admire you for fighting it!! And your guts for talking about it. But you shouldn't have to keep fighting, there must be some way around it or through it. Because I think that many men have physical attractions to young girls, in varying degrees, IMO it is not so much the attraction which is "abnormal," but the degree, the intensity, the obsession you are experiencing. Then again, you mentioned that you like rough sex and having been abused when you were a child. No one factor taken alone need be alarming, but all the factors together within you seems like a psychological perfect storm that could sink your ship. Blessing: you are addressing this now and not later, or after you've done something you can't undo. I have a friend who endured extreme childhood sexual abuse and she draws a lot of strength from a website called Pandora's Aquarium. It is for sexual abuse survivors. They have forums, blogs, it is a dynamic, fascinating site .http://www.pandys.org/

Well I handled a difficult family situation with direct communication. My mom's husband's family is well to do and prejudice. My mom does all holidays with them--she is one of them. My adult daughter who is married and has children with a man of a different race wanted to come to a family function up at their place, and she wanted to bring him. She doesn't know that aspect of the family history, because she didn't grow up with them like I did, and I've never told her. I called the matriarch of the family on the phone--old Gramma, who I don't see or talk to much anymore. I chatted a few moments and got to the point--I told her that my daughter wanted to bring ________ up to her place for the family function, and how would she feel about that? She very graciously said "Why that would be just fine." (What else was she going to say?) But out of respect, she needed to be asked. On the day of the function, there may have been some discomfort with having him there, but they were very polite. Maybe you could just call your mom, exchange a few pleasantries, and say something like, Mom, I want to be there with you all for this first Thanksgiving without Dad, but I have gone through changes. I know this is tough for you and I wanted to know if you would be ok with seeing me that day. or something like that.. Your mom might appreciate the opportunity to let the information soak a little, might appreciate the opportunity to accept or decline. Her conscience will likely have her accept, and she may be uncomfortable but polite like my stepdads family was, or, maybe better, or maybe worse, who knows? But if you call ahead of time, it will show that you have consideration for her feelings, which is good for family relations.

The people on here who really give of themselves to others. I really admire your steadfastness, caringness, thoughtfulness, intelligence. I feel like a butthead for popping in when I felt bad and leaving when I felt better. Thanks for being here!

I decided to volunteer in hospice; the initiative to do it was motivated by needing to make myself more marketable for the work I am moving into in healthcare. I struggled with the same feelings. But then when I listen to other ("regular,"lol) people talk about why they do things, I start to think that I am just the opposite of self-serving: actually maybe too sensitive. For most people, it is a given that you do things to serve yourself, and I think most people don't have any qualms about doing things for selfish reasons. My friend who is an ardent Christian responded to this issue of mine by stating that nobody has completely pure reasons for doing anything. I struggle with severe depression, and off the top of my head, I'd say that depression for me begins in self sacrifice but it winds up in total abject self centeredness and self obsession.

She's 22 and shes not having fun. She seems to be falling apart. I don't know why I'm surprised but I am. She's not just "doing," she is wrestling with a habit. I don't think she's doing heroin. {[ [ yet ] ]} The agony is that I raised her and her brother in a heroin addiction, and I look at her two little ones, a little toddler girl and a baby boy, and keep reliving all that pain. And the agony is knowing she's so ill-equipped mentally and emotionally to lead a healthy productive life, and watching her stubbornly try nevertheless, banging her head against the wall. I couldn't teach what I didn't know. What I still don't know. I have been off drugs for 6 years and I have accomplished some things, but in some ways I am actually worse now! It's funny, I have really nothing to say to her about it. I act like I don't see, and she tries to hide it, which means generally avoiding me, because she knows I can see. What can I say? "Get help?" hahahaha inadequate! insignificant, in the face of an addiction. She is nowhere near getting help. She got honest with me about a month ago about what was going on, nearly cried about the small fortune she's spent on it, then, as the conversation wrapped up, she forcefully insisted that she's "fine. Don't worry about me Mom, I'm fine." I am driven to despair.

Hi. A quarter past the opposite end of the year from the last post. Malign, how do you think of this stuff? Do you just come out with it, or do you have to really try and figure out replies. Seems like you genuinely care and like to help people. Yes, that was abstinence from binging, not eating, but "food abstinence" is the equivalent term to an alcoholic's "sobriety." I lost that food abstinence soon after the last post, and have tried repeatedly to disentangle from the compulsive eating, without success. I have been binging for the past week and a half and the food has stopped working. I have painted myself into a corner where there is no hope and no help. I came on here to find some mental relief.

Day 15 of food abstinence...that's no sugar, no flour, turning my food overr to a sponsor and following that plan every day. I feel so empty. The hard part, I thought, was supposed to have been past, but now the physical is getting a little better, the mental is getting worse. But I guess it would be just as bad or worse if I had my face in the food. This is the stuff I never hear them talk about in OA--the hurting part of recovery. Maybe I will go back on meds. Between an alcoholic father and a long line of depressed women on mom's side, maybe I just have a bum brain chemistry.

I ordered the book because I saw it suggested here by you, and because before I go on another medication, I need to know I have tried everything else for my depression. The little bit of work I have done so far out of it have had a positive effect on my mood. Can you tell more about your experience with this?

I am on day 5 of food abstinence. I am having such a hard time b/c my family are really puttting their expectations on me and I feel pretty lousy. My bf and my daughter have both walked out on me mad, and I can't tell whether it is me or they who are unreasonable. I feel like, couldn't everyone just leave me alone and let me relax? I want to eat so bad. You're supposed to put your recovery first. Thats all I'm trying to do. I don't want to be around a bunch of people. Eating. Or anything.

Well, I am on day two of an OA food program. Binge eating is one of my things.

That was nice and so true. My kids make me laugh and my boyfriend just by being their funny selves.

I tend to be adverse to the company of my friends who suffer from depression when I am depressed. It's almost like my depression causes me to be repelled by their depression. In AA they have a saying, it pertains to another issue but I think it kind of applies, that "two dead batteries won't start a car." People's aversion to being around people w/depression, I think, has a lot to do with trying to distance themselves from their own inner despair. I think a lot of people easily could be swallowed up by it, people you'd never suspect.

That's a great attitude to have. For me part of the shame comes from the question of "can't or won't?" I am never completely sure whether I "can" push through my depression but am just not trying hard enough? Maybe I don't function b/c I just don't "feel" like it. I don't know if this is something others have put into my head. In my family depression is not really viewed as an illness. My boyfriend is one of these who doesn't believe in medication OR therapy for that matter. So I think I should be able to pull myself out of it somehow, and when I can't (won't?), I really get down on myself.