veebee

Yes, its great to make an impact on other people isnt it? And it fantastic feeling when you know you have made a positive difference in someones life. Every baby is born with unconditional worth they are entitled to exist they are entitled to the worlds resources they are worth something, not because they have done something, but just because they are there. A human being becomes an adult that human being has worth You have worth because you are a human being. You cant say you dont have worth, and at the same time know that you are a human being and humans have worth. If that gets your head in a spin, apologies. You are a perfect human being because you are imperfect.

Hi, can you please help me change my thinking? I've got a significant amount of anxiety going on and the symptoms are horrible, but i am able to carry on but I will get ill if i can't sort it out. Brief background: I did something for a long time that i never told anyone about. Then 10 years ago it came out and people were shocked and horrified. Nobody spoke to me about it. I went away to live in France. i came back a few years ago. Due to significant anxiety attacks, i avoid many social situations, but i can work and live ok, but not great. I have had a friend (my best friend) for 30 years. We have told each other everything throughout our lives. She, of course, knows everything about my background, and she knows the full details of it, which are way worse than what actually came out. Now - back to the present. I have realised that my friend has been telling people all the details. I have only just realised it because she slipped up and it became obvious. Firstly, I cant believe she has done it. secondly i can believe she has done it! - i am willing to accept it and mostly i do. I also know that two other people, (who do not know me), told people (in my circles), but that was just after i came back from france (which is why i started avioding the world and hiding away somewhat). I am really struggling now. I have entered several different circles over the last years in an attempt to be accepted, but in the end, someone always knows (nobody ever says anything directly to me, but i get a comment from them that is supposed to let me know that they know) What happens inside me I get anxiety come on (its like a gasp and a tightening) and i think, "oh no, not again!" I go home and hide - i have the urge to eat, and i get agitated and have to play computer games to stop my mind and sleep. Thoughts that i have are things like... "They all know" "This can't happen, it has to stay secret" "They are going to kill me" "No one will save me" "I am going to die" i end up acting like its not real, but I hide and when i come out i am in full denial. i get depressed and i think "i am not worth anything" "I can't go anywhere" "I cant be anything" "I cant have anyone" "I cant feel safe" "My life is over" "everything is pointless (except maybe this one episode of the TV I am watching right now" "i dont have anything to care about" "Nothing has meaning" "I dont know what will happen to me" "I cant go on like this - soon i will have to come out" My savings have ran out, and my home-business has decreased in income by 45%. So I have to go out to try to sell some stuff - and, little by little, i have been going out to do that, over the last few months - but i really suffer with anxiety - my level of anxiety has gone up and up in levels, (and i have had panic attacks too). Even now i am sitting here and I know everything is pumping and raging inside, even though its late at night and I have been productive and distracting all day. Can someone just help me? My thoughts cant be changed can they? because i have to account for reality - i cant see what i can do. Ive been thinking and thinking that my life isnt pointless, and i have tried various things over the last few years to try to get into a life that has meaning, but it has been one set-back after another (e.g. I get into a club, group or hobby and then people find out and reject me, or i fail in a business, etc and then i get all the symptoms again and it all starts again.) By the way, i gained 10 stone over thes years, but i have now lost 3 stone in the last 6 months, by using an eating and exercise plan. And I have had 4 different UKCP therapists (one for 3 years, the others for months) and a therapy group, and various personal developemnt courses and workshops. I thought i was gay, but im not, - i joined a gay circle and i wasnt attracted to anyone or anything - but i have got a couple of gay friends now, but now i think that they also know (two of them) because they have cut me off. I had thrown myself into religion 5 years ago for 2 years, but i came out and its all just the same (although i love knowing God, and wouldnt now give that up for anything). If you are thinking i have BPD or Paranoid traits, its not the case. I used to think i was imagining it as well, but I now believe that my symptoms coming on are due to an accurate assessment that people know and are attacking me - its a subconscious awareness of something they are doing but not revealing to me, i now believe. Questions Can I ever get out of this? Can I ever accept and get used to the hostile and murderous vibes coming from people? Will adjusting my thinking work - or will i go back into denial Can I change the way that people are towards me? Can I influence the way that people think about me? Can i stop people wanting to hurt me, and instead have them want to enjoy me and have me around? I am so alone, and in pain. Thank you for reading this. Please comment. I really need some response. I need to hear what people think about what i have said because i cant ask anyone in real life because i wont get an answer.