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Hi all, I'm having a really rough go and was wondering if anyone could give me some advice. I'm 24. In college for the first time this year. I was super excited to go to school and get an apartment with my boyfriend who I have loved very much from the first day. (Left my fiancé because I couldn't get my current boyfriend out if my head.) So the night before we moved I was pretty stressed about the move and being 3 hours away from everyone I knew and leaving my car behind, etc. I went to sleep. And I woke up last Saturday night. It's been 4 months. I have no recollection of anything I've said or done since moving here. I happened to come out of my Dissociation right as my boyfriend was breaking up with me. Now after explaining that I don't remember anything, he's been super supportive and helpful. I had this glimmer of hope that whatever damage I had caused could be fixed. He just told me tonight that I had emotionally cheated on him with someone from my past (who was purely a friend) and I'm so confused and hurt and angry at myself. I would never ever cheat on him. Now I don't know what to do, how to fix things, how to prevent my Dissociation, etc If anyone has any similar experiences or any advice, I would really appreciate it. I haven't slept more than two hours a night in a week and I can't stomach any food without puking it back up.

Hello everybody, I'm new to this site, so please don't be so harsh if I did something that is out of rules, and also sorry for my English, it is not my native language. I'm a 19 years (virgin) boy, who has a very small penis which means around 4-4.3 inches when erected. I'm also obese (5'9 feet and 222 lbs), I'm just mentioning it because some said if I'll lose weight my penis will be bigger (under that I'm not meaning, it'll actually start growing, but more will be seen after the fat pad went away, which is not that big anyways and not so soft so I do not know.). Actually, when I'm in "doggie style" and having fun with my "artifical vagina" its 4.7 inches. When I grab my penis and push it back until (almost) the bone its 5.9-6 inches, but as I heard its a fake size because it is impossible to put it that deep into a girl since it is not even possible to reduce the fat pad down the bones. I also have a strange fetish which might be funny for you (I do not know how is it called in English, but its about tying something around my balls that will make it go lower, I hope you understand what I mean....) so when I do it and of course it makes my skin stretch or I do not know my penis is actually bigger like around 5.1 inches... That might be my real size if I'd lose weight? Or is it just another fake size that does not even matter? Also my other question would be men who has the same (hilarious) size: Have you ever had a sex with a girl that did not laugh at your tiny penis? Or do you even have a family? Because soon I'll want to have a family since I won't be able to live alone... To go home to an empty house that I can't even call a home.... I think I'll commit suicide if I'll be rejected that much .. I'll most certainly give it up .. Anyways, another question, which is for women: Would you live your life with a man who has this tiny penis I have ? And please tell the truth I'm not here for lies, I know what I know, but I must know other people's opinion too. Also if someone here, who has the same sizes and have a family please contact me in PM, I'd like to have a chat with him in the near future...

Please PM me brothers. I have a plan - we will get through this together. SPS will unite us - we are strong together.

I can't seem to find a reason to live anymore. Everything is black. I am so scared. I am so scared. I don't feel sad anymore. I feel numb. My life is just shit. I'm so tired. I want it to end. I can't stop crying. I can't calm down. I feel like I'm trapped in this forever. It'll never be okay. I'm so scared. Please help me..

There's something wrong with me. I feel like I want to slip away and I barely feel real anymore. I don't know if I will make it through this summer.

I posted my story already in another topic here, but I'm losing myself right now. I caught myself writing down some letters to to those closest to me like my mom, my passed away dad and my girlfriend. I really need to talk to someone but I put myself in such an awful position, by just making up stories so no one would see me you know.. Please, can someone just talk with me?

Hello everybody, My name is Martin. I'm a 25 year old man, living in the Netherlands. I've been struggling with myself since a very young age. Lately, I really feel the urge to tell my story to someone. That's what got me here. I grew up in a very happy family. I had the nicest childhood with lots of friends and laughter. Also not the ugliest child and friendly of heart so I was quite popular at school I guess. My parents were very loving towards me and my brother. Our dad had a pretty good job and we lived in a beautiful house. I didn't have the best "study-concentration", but I was very good in sports and all other kind of things, so nothing really to worry about. At the time I was a bit shy and clumpsy with girls, but that's like most boys I guess. Hah well, just like you read it, my youth was pretty awesome. But than I became older. At the age of, let's say 11, I noticed something was a bit different with me than with most boys in my class. After gymnastics, we all showered together and I noticed most of them slowly got pubic hair and a bigger penis. Well, that's were my problems begin. In the Netherlands, we first go to "basic school (till 12 years of age)", then "middle school (till 16/18 years of age)" and later "high school" or university. When I got in middle school, I already had some light panic attacks, but without the physical problems. My penis was still the size it was when I was a boy. It had not grown since my youth. But I was like 13 and was told at biology classes the average penis is fully grown at the age of 16/17. So at that point I still had hope. Ofcourse it was very hard (not my penis) at some times. Getting laughed at after football practice and the panic that comes from that. Being in the same class with some of those teammates, which led to some not-so-pleasant situations. And always the fear of being "discovered" for a larger public. So at that time, it was very hard for me to open up myself to anyone (girls in particular). I became more and more introverted. Don't misunderstand me, I still had a lot of friends (most of my childhood friends studied a higher class) and at times was quite happy. But I was always thinking about my body, day in and day out. So, after 4 years studying the lowest class, I easily graduated and tried the highest class. Most of my childhood friends were in the same class at that time, so that was great. But it became clear that class was a little to high for me, so I joined a middle class. Again, I joined some of my teammates, but not the despicable ones. And guess what, I even met a girl there. She was madly in love with me and that was likewise. I had then reached the age of 16. I still hadn't masturbated at that point. I suffered more and more light panic attacks, praying to everything my body would change. Ofcourse, nothing happened. But I was also very happy at the same time, having met that wonderful girl. She was also a bit of a shy one, but incredibly sexy. After we had a relationship for about 4 months, the moment was there. Before that point we hadn't really had intercourse except a little touching. So it happened and it was great. Although I couldn't last for longer than 20 seconds, my penis did grow a good bit. I had a relationship with her for a good 3 years. In the meantime, we both graduated middle school. It was one of the happiest times of my life, but also one of the saddest. I so depended on her, she really was my soul mate. So when she ended the relationship, I fell in a very deep hole. I already had become a bit depressed, smoking weed and stuff. Well, the next couple of years, I smoked a lot with my friends. My dad died in 2008, which was horrible for my mother. I might as well tell something about my mom. She is the nicest woman in the world. She has had a tough life so far. Her father died when she was 40 or so which led to my grandmother becoming a grumpy old lady. A couple of years later, her brother committed suicide. And then ofcourse my dad died. She has no real family anymore, except for my brother and me and I think she is very lonely. We don't really have a very talking relation, but we feel each other. For example, I can't remember her telling me she loves me, but I know she does. Still playing the role of a happy guy, I wasted half my life. Oh wait, let me tell you about the scariest panic attack I've had so far. This was a real life changer. At some point like 2 years ago (I knew already that most of my old friends knew of my secret, but that was kept behind my back.) I was sitting in the park with a lot of friends. Playing some football, I hear one of my best friend tell the whole group (a lot of new friends, including girls, were there too) about my secret. You couldn't believe how I felt that moment. Thinking about that moment, even now, just makes me sick. A week later, smoking a joint, I got this panic attack. A nearly fainted and had to throw up. That's the beginning of a new life for me. Since then, I always have this "belt" around my stomach. When I panic a bit to much, it will tighten so much it's hard for me to breathe. For a good half year, I couldn't control my heart. Many sleepless nights. But I couldn't tell my mom. I couldn't tell my story, my secret. It's now 2 years later, I've controlled the panic a bit by drinking alcohol. I really don't know what to do. But I met a new girl a year ago and she is the best. I really love her so much and I really believe I have to tell her my story. I really am sick of it. I'm sick of it all. I want to write so much more but I can't. Thanks for listening in advance. I really hope there is someone out there that wants to talk with me. With kind regards, Martin

I probably have the smallest penis at the gym. I started going to the gym after following the advice of a member here to make myself feel good. But after seeing all those penises hanging out just depressed me further. Merry Christmas

[possibly graphic, possibly trigger] I started cutting myself a few weeks ago. I'm a 24 yo male in my first year of med school. I've never been able to have a girlfriend or anything like that despite trying. I tried the online sites but failed again. I guess I cut to punish myself because I feel unworthy of love or romantic relationships. I have no problem making friends (although no I really don't hang out with people anymore) but I could never seem to find someone with mutual attraction. I'm in relatively good shape physically (so people say) but I still feel repulsive, maybe it's my face or something I don't know. I'm kind of worried because each time I cut it seems to get easier to do it. I know Dr. Dombeck said in his experience 100% of people who self-injure have survived significant abuse but I haven't. My psychiatrist thought I had PTSD like symptoms but no, I have nothing I can blame my inadequacy on but myself. I cut worse to punish myself when I have a fantasy that I could actually be in a relationship with a girl I actually like as though to remind myself what a piece of S I really am. Everyone says it's no big deal but my personality is changing as I'm becoming more reserved, withdrawn, yet more prone to outbursts. I started taking Zoloft last week but the cutting hasn't stopped. I'm ashamed to tell that to anyone in real life, I don't cut for attention I do it to punish. I am not suicidal right now but I worry if I fail out of med school I will be. School is the only thing holding me up anymore but I'm not doing well academically right now which frightens me. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I just joined today and I don't exactly know what to say...I'm a 24 year old guy, I'm 5'4, about 195 pounds, I'm straight and I'm a virgin. I'm very depressed and probably the most I have been for the past 2 months(my ex broke up with me 2 months ago) Before I started dating her I was pretty much always depressed, I grew up with a drunk dad, have had oral sex with one of my guy cousins throughout most of my life(not while I was dating my ex, and now it does nothing more me so I've stopped) and I have an extremely small penis. I hate every single aspect of myself, I feel like there's no point in me talking to anyone cause I'm just depressing to be around and I hate making other people feel bad. I hate making people feel sorry for me so I don't even like people knowing I'm depressed at all but it's gotten to the point where I seriously just can't hide it anymore. I've had serious thought of killing myself and the only reason I haven't yet is because of my mom, and I could never do that to her cause I know she actually cares about me. I'm a disappointment to her, but she does care about me. I don't have any friends that I can talk to, and even if I would try to talk to anyone I would just feel horrible that they have to deal with me the way that I am and that I would be bothering them. I was talking to a girl online for a bit as friends but she said I have a negative effect on her because I'm so negative about myself...Even when I used to be depressed before meeting my ex I could hide that I was depressed and talk to people about themselves and not be so negative...I used to try to cheer people up and I always SEEMED positive. Now I can't even help but be negative...and I've tried making myself happy. It's a struggle right now just to wake up in the morning and do everyday things, and I don't have a job...I don't have a license(yea I know...a 24 year old not having a license is just pathetic, but I'm scared to drive...). I live in my grandmas house alone and I have for the past 2 years. I cry myself to sleep almost every night(yea I know...a 24 year old crying like that is prety pathetic too..) Before I even met my ex I cried myself to sleep almost every night, but I never let anyone know cause my dad would have just called me a pussy, same with my brother...I don't know how to cope with being me anymore, and I don't have the money to go to any psychiatrist or anything like that. I've been trying to work out and I've been eating better cause I figured losing weight will make me feel better about myself. But tonight is the most depressed I've been in a while...I've been sitting here constantly crying for probably the last 3 hours and I can't stop. I don't know what to do with myself anymore...And sorry if that was too much to post here...