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Hi, Im new to the forums. Sorry if the post is too long. I will try to keep it short and I will answer any questions that I can. In short, Im lost in life. I have to work because my family and I have no money, but Im worn out and I can never focus on my passions. ########################## With more detail: Im half Japanese, half Canadian, grew up in Canada and moved to Japan and live with my mom since June2016 (Parents divorced) My passion was always music (Jazz in particular). But people around me would tell me Its too risky and would pull me away from my passions. My school forced me into an advanced program in which they kicked me out from the program a month before graduation so i was never certified despite going through two years of its courses. I couldnt go to college or university anyway since my parents are divorced and both are in dept up to their eye balls. I worked full time for three years, but this forced me to stop playing music completely, so I accumulated stress and tired so I decided to move to Japan and get a fresh start. I gave $10,000 to my dad to help for his dept and I flew to Japan. Ever since I came here, Ive had the longest streak of bad luck and developed severe symptomes of depression. -Lack of sleep and apetite -No energy / Couldnt move -No desire for anything/no excitement -Weightloss and grew weak -Vivid thoughts of suide. I broke up and left my toxic relationship, I forced myself to wake up every morning at the same time, I started to meditate and do Yogaevery morning, and try to eat healthier. This helped. I even bought software and gear to learn music production. Today I was told the local jazz bar needs me to work there asap. I can make connections with jazz musicians and its suppose to be great. But instead it tore me apart: i dont want to work. I work really hard so employers love me, but at my own health's expense (mental and physical). Its just the way I have become for reasons. I have to work cause my family needs money, and I need to live, but I cant stand it. I hate it. I hate working for the sake of money and forcing me to stray away from what I really want to do. Working long and late hours takes the energy from me to focus on anything else. I dont know how to regain that energy I once had long long ago. Should I just give up my dreams? Should I just get a job and work solely for the purpose of making money like everyone is telling me? I dont want to work, but I have to. I want to learn and get into the music industry, but i have neither energy nor money. Im lost... Thank you so much for your time <3 Help is much appreciated!

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i will share a little about myself so maybe anyone who sees this can understand a little better or help me out. Im an 17 year old girl from CA. My parents marriage was full of fighting, screaming, hitting and hate. They separated 2 years ago due to my dads affair, my moms mental issues, and her getting a DUI and totaling her car. She also had a very high paying job which she lost after her constant drinking. My dad, sister and I moved in with his girlfriend and her 3 kids only months after my mom moved out. I was okay with this because at the time his girlfriend was a great mother figure to me as my mom hadn't. Everything in my life was changing. My dad and I spent less time together because of his new girlfriend and I was not seeing a lot of my mom. My alcohol and drug problem got worse at that time, not helping anything. We have had money problems because my mom has not paid any child support so my sister and I relied on my dads girlfriend to provide, which I am very thankful of. My relationship with my mom over the years has gotten much better and I enjoy seeing her. My dad and his girlfriend take offense to this and get mad when my sister and I see her because we "enable" her to not pay child support and allow her to "be a loser." After 2.5 years my parents have not been able to divorce and are still in court arguing over money. I don't think I should sacrifice my relationship with my mom because they cannot agree. But to them I am selfish. I have terrible anxiety and have been to therapy but we don't have the money to do anything about it. That and what I think is minor depression are so hard for me to deal with. With work and school, responsibilities at home, fighting parents, my mom seeming to not want to support me, a downward spiral of a relationship I have with my dad, and my dads girlfriend and kids seeming to not want my sister and I apart of their family. I am constantly thinking I am alone and don't want to be apart of this world anymore. I seem to try but all I get in return is shit. I try to be optimistic but it is so hard when nothing ever turns out okay for me and my family. I'm hopeless. if anyone can give me any insight at all or just comment about how they feel, you have no idea how appreciative I would be

as my relationship with my dad slowly turns more and more to shit, tonight my dad, and I and the rest of our family sit down to watch a show that was supposed to record. it ended up not recording and he was pissed off. he found the same show to record but just an hour later which i thought made everything ok i was wrong.... i understand being annoyed but TV to me is not a big worry. (jokingly) i said, take the stick out of your butt, its not that big of a deal. he turns to me, with a look of disgust and SCREAMS at me. I honestly don't know what he said but something along the lines of me being selfish and it is a big deal and that everyone wanted to watch it, yadda yadda yadda my stepmom decided to chime in and tell me how rude i was... I feel like his stupid TV show is more important to him than me.. i have never seen him look at me like that before it was the look of pure hate maybe it is an accumulation of things I have done, but after that look and him screaming at me all I wanted to do was end everything there was no point in living if my own dad could look at me like that I am a fucking burden in his life and i wish i wasn't

(I NEED YOUR HELP,LITTLE LONG BUT READ THE WHOLE THING, it's intriguing) My life is miserable. I am diagnosed with ADHD and ODD, and mood disorder when I was 14, Now I'm 15. I have every single last symptom. My parents (foreigners) refuse to believe it's real due to how they to deal with kids back in Africa, since they're cheapskates because we do not qualify for any type of goverment assistance and only pay for the medication so they won't get blamed for negligence in case for the police comes to our house and ask if I'm taking medication when for another domestic dispute between me and my mother. My mom and ARGUE at least twice a day EVERYDAY literally. She treats me bad, and I naturally verbally retaliate. She is widely known to have anger management issues with us, people at work, at church, and at my school teachers and she refuses to admit it. In her mind. she's right and you're wrong She and my father has been violently disciplining me, since I was little not knowing that I had ADHD, despite getting in trouble for talking at school, numerous complaints by almost every teacher in every grade about wandering around, almost never being on task, and low grades. Finally, my mom had enough and vented out to the doctor. The doctor suggested I may have ADHD. And suggested to us a pyschiatrist who was her friend to see her as soon a possible and told me that it may vastly improve my live. My mom brushed it off. After 2 months, I had enough, after she once again for the 3rd time cancelled our meeting to pyschiatrist, because she wanted to go to the mall with her friend. We went to pyschiatrist's office where she unexpectedly cancelled the visit.. I had enough and confronted her about this on our way back home. I wanted help, I wanted to change and stop arguing everyday. She was ashamed about the possibility of having a kid with a mental illness. We started to argue intensely on our way back home then she stopped the car in the middle of the road and yelled at me to get out. I refused because we were a mile and a half away from home. She got out the front seat, opened the back door and yanked me out. I argued and argued. She grabbed a stick and threw it at me. I ran away and dodged it. I ran back to the car but I was too far away as she started to drive a way. I was so mad, I grabbed my shoe and threw it her bumper. I walked home, and about 20 minutes after being home alone. My mom called the police and said she was tired of me and I need to go somewhere else. We explained to the police what happened and he asked if I wanted to leave and handcuffed me just for safety. Where I was taken to a pyschiatric emergency room. Later called my Mom and they questioned. I was giving a blanket and some food while she was in the other room getting questioned. After a few hours, next thing I know. I'm being taken in a van to a mental hospital. I stay there for 2 weeks, I was loaded on Seroquel and Depakote. Had an allegric reaction, with in which my tongue felt like it was 20 pounds. I met some people with mental illnesses, my life was a schedule. My relationship with my mother temporarily mended during visitation hour. I later find out, That my mother stated that in the car incident that I tried to kill her.. I was so confused, I told them all I did was throw a shoe at her bumper as she drove away. And in fact that she that she was more violent and struck me with a her fist multiple times to my back and she threw a stick at me. The next day, I'm released. My Mom requested to take me out after being asked if it was true and told about my allergic reaction. The next day, My mom took the ADHD evaluation test for me, and I had all the symptoms. The doctor criticized my mom for barely seeing a doctor about this when it was going on my whole life. I was taking Vyvanse Seroquel and Depakote, and I was a miracle, I was more happy, focused and I had mostly A's and B's. Our mended relationship was temporary as it lasted a month, and we started arguing everyday again. She decided to leave pyschiatrist as when it was almost time for a refill. When the medication was finished, she told me she quit and that she didn't want to waste her money on nothing. After 5 months without meds. My grades had slipped and I was getting in trouble in school again. My Dad had decided to do my mental health, it was summer, and I had barely passed because my semester grades averaged out. We had a new pyschiatrist during that time my parents threatened to take me back to the mental hospital at least 50 times. I took adderall xr and intuniv for a 1 month but my Dad said I was arguing with my mom and I had trouble sleeping. Then I was switched to Vyvanse, with Intinituv and ABILIFY. The doctor suggested family therapy but my mom REFUSED Here we are today. My mom and I had arguement, she hit me with a chair and a pan. I suffered no injuries=no proof. But then accidently broke her door to get my phone back. She's going to call the hospital later. What do I do..?

Okay, so I joined the mentalhelp/mentalsupport community almost an year ago, but after several afterthoughts I thought that perhaps I wouldn't need any help and that I should try to live my life by myself. I've been going by that for the entirety of the past year. The thing now is that now I'm starting to realize that I need help, and if not help, I at least needs lots of advice. Okay, I will try to keep this pretty short, and not too wordy. Around June of the past year, I started becoming a more emotional guy, and a lot of the emotions I usually kept bottled up inside me started coming out, and didn't really care about many people before that time, but afterwards I totally changed and I really started have more expressive emotions. I think this was due to a lot of things going on in my life at that time that didn't allow me to keep all those emotions bottled up inside me, so I had to become more expressive. At least, that's what I think. So, afterwards, in August 2011, I started school, and I had a decision to make about who I would be closer friends with and such, and I changed those who I hung out with frequently, choosing to go with those who were more understanding. Anyways, I made a mental note to myself that if were to be really close to a girl or date a girl, I would do it on the sole basis of personality and not looks because that is what I believe in. Other than that, school and everything else went successfully. Anyways, this girl (Lucy, for anonymity) indeed did show up in my life who had an awesome personality, and the way we met was that she was having relationship problems with her boyfriend that that time, and I totally liked the person that she was. Anyways, she would come to me about the things in her relationship that were bothering her, like her boyfriend calling her fat, or their many breakups. I tried my best to help her, and to be there for her. After a few months we became best friends and we ended up trusting each other a lot with almost everything in our lives. Every little thing we would share with each other. Sometimes staying up until 2 or 3 talking or messaging. Now, this was just the start. It was a great friendship, but I didn't really think about an actual relationship with her until much later, not only because she was already dating someone, but also because it was just a really really good friendship and I didn't think about it like that, I just wanted it to last, perhaps forever. So it was February 2012 that she said she broke up for good with this guy that she had been having a sort of a cyclical relationship with. After her breakup, I think we became closer friends. Anyways, she said she wanted to date another guy afterwards, and I advised her, no, on the basis that he wasn't right for her, but also that I would miss her and our friendship, and that no guy would ever be good enough for her. This prompted her to ask that if she would have to be "forever alone" and I replied that we could be forever alone together. Now, that was a joke, but that was about it. The March 2012 came along and we were just really really good best friends. We talked a lot, again about almost everything in our lives. We just trust each a lot, almost completely. That's what I wanted, and I guess I kind of wanted that, what ever that was to last... forever if possible. Now, beginning of April came and she said that she something to tell, but didn't want me to get mad about it, I said okay, and it was that she was going to start dating her ex again. Now, the thing is when things are really good with her boyfriend, our friendship doesn't matter that much, and I told her she shouldn't be dating her ex, but she said that I was just jealous that her dreams were coming true, and that she was finally happy. After hearing that, I distanced myself a lot from her, but we still talked because of school. We just started having a few conflicts because we didn't agree on somethings. Anyways school ended in June 2012 and I dropped all contact with her for about three weeks, but after replying to a few messages, she profusely apologized to me and said that she needed me back as a friend saying she was on the verge of tears about losing our friendship. Now, earlier (February) she had promised she wouldn't go to her ex if it meant risking our friend/relationship. Anyways, end of June, I just couldn't do anything about it, I agreed to be friends with her. Truth is, I missed her, I felt lonely without her. Now July has gone by, and I feel like I've already lost a part of her because she's with someone. Recently, she asked if we could go to college together, and even suggested we could dorm together, but I don't know what to do. And I've just been overthinking a lot about life and our friendship. I don't know what to do. I'm not really sure what I want. I feel weird. I need some kind of help or advice about how to go about this. I'm just really really confused, and this entire situation seems to be affecting me much more than it should.