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The war is far from over feeling a bit sick and paranoid were i live at probably from lack of sleep.i dont know. Ive self harmed this morning triggered by a picture of burns made me want to burn the whole thing mostly.didn't succeed.just really red and i put it away what i used cause mom if she found out she would hide it or lock it up.my dad doesn't pay much attention to self harm things i use unless its his razors. I believe i may have diabetes theres nothing here to eat most of the time band my dad goes to his shows and brings always back sweets i eat cause i like it and nothing else to eat. If my next blood test is positive for diabetes i will blame my dad cause he knows im prediabetic. And i don't know what ill do. But for now okay besides self harming im trying to make a book about kindness. Its 100 pages and i did it in a day believe it or not. I guess anything is possible.when you try and dont give up.

I had typed this all out, and then before I was able to post, I was automatically logged out of my account : P I appreciate those who gave me a few tips, having dealt with the same problem. Thank you. So last weekend, there was some serious hell that went on... My parents had gotten irritated with each other Friday evening and they got even more irritated during Saturday, I didn't notice any of this until Sunday afternoon. So, the weekend before, we had arranged with my friend and my parents for my friend to spend the night and go out on Sunday, so Saturday evening, she came over and we were hanging out, and my mom called me downstairs to talk. During the conversation, I finally got the hint that she was NOT in a good mood. After we finished talking, I went back up to my room and had an emotional breakdown/anxiety attack because of how confused I was about why she was all of a sudden angry at me. ((I hate disappointing my parents and when my mom gets angry, she's angry..)) my sister came in and tried comforting me, and a few minutes later, my friend knocked on the door and saw me crying and had apparently overheard my feelings spill to my sister. After that, we all migrated downstairs to watch a few movies. And my mom had forgotten that we were having a friend over that night ((I hadn't realized that when she had called me down to talk)). So by having my friend over, and her not knowing just added more fuel to the fire. So all three of us went upstairs and fell asleep, and the next morning we got our stuff together and got ready to leave to the mall. My mom had come out of her room looking for excuses for us not to go, when she had none left, we left the house. It wasn't 100 yards away that she called us telling us that we had to turn around and drop off my friend because my sister hadn't practiced her guitar. My dad tried to go in and defend us, but that didn't go down so well.. So we dropped off my friend and came back home. When we got back, my mom was pissed off to hell. She sat my dad, sister, and me down at the couch and started flipping out. My dad had started to fight back and that's what drove her angrier than ever. She started shaking the couch sections out of place and throwing things and hitting my dad. It was scary. My dad just ignored her tantrum. ((At this point I was having an anxiety/asthma attack)). My mom got to the point where she didn't feel like anyone cared for her and threatened to kill herself. She ran to her room and I ran after her and got there just in time to stop her from closing the door and then after she realized she couldn't keep me out, she ran to her bed and tried to kill herself, I ran after her and had to restrain her. I started shouting at my dad to take the things she was going to use away from her and he finally walked into the bedroom and took them from her, so I had to hold her back while he walk ((not very fast)) to the garage to lock the things in a safe. ((Not the way I wanted to find out if I'm stronger than her)). She had run out to the garage and tried to make my dad open the safe and my dad told me to call the police, so I dialed and she said "I'll never EVER forgive you for that" ((arrow in the ducking heart)). She had tried to leave in the car earlier, but being a driver myself now, I knew she wasn't in any state to drive so I took the keys and hid them. After the suicide threat was over, my dad sat down laughing so I walked up to him ((bawling my eyes out)) and said "she tried to fucking kill herself and you just stood there". He responded with a simple "don't use the f word" and I responded "my mom almost died, I have the fucking reason to use it" He later told me that it was just a cry for attention ((which I later found out that it was true, but it's still traumatic to have to restrain your own mother because you thought she was going to kill herself)). So I had another anxiety/asthma attack and couldn't breath and my mom locked herself in the bathroom which scared the shit out of me, having seen what she tried to do just minutes ago. She came out, unharmed, and my dad told me to give her the keys, and having heard her cry to leave, I went and gave them to her. An hour later, she came back and told my brother sister and I that we were all going for a drive to talk. During that talk, she had said she was going to leave us and she was going to get herself help. We got dropped off at home and she left. A few hours later, my dad had taken us out to give me some practice drive time and get our minds off the situation. During that time, my friend called my sister and was in a panic, saying how sorry she was and then my mom called. We had to hang up the phone and headed home. My mom was there and say my sister, dad, and I down at the couch again. She said that our friend's mom had called off the friendship and that we were no longer able to hang out with our ((ONLY)) friend. So she decided to stay so we didn't have to deal with two very important people in our lives leaving on the same day. So that was the end of that day, the following week I've been hiding in my bedroom, being very quiet, not talkative at all, unfriendly, distant, completely opposite from who I am. So right now I'm just dealing with the trauma of being put in the situation where I had to stop my mom from killing herself and then loosing my only outside of family friend. So I just need some support with this...

(I NEED YOUR HELP,LITTLE LONG BUT READ THE WHOLE THING, it's intriguing) My life is miserable. I am diagnosed with ADHD and ODD, and mood disorder when I was 14, Now I'm 15. I have every single last symptom. My parents (foreigners) refuse to believe it's real due to how they to deal with kids back in Africa, since they're cheapskates because we do not qualify for any type of goverment assistance and only pay for the medication so they won't get blamed for negligence in case for the police comes to our house and ask if I'm taking medication when for another domestic dispute between me and my mother. My mom and ARGUE at least twice a day EVERYDAY literally. She treats me bad, and I naturally verbally retaliate. She is widely known to have anger management issues with us, people at work, at church, and at my school teachers and she refuses to admit it. In her mind. she's right and you're wrong She and my father has been violently disciplining me, since I was little not knowing that I had ADHD, despite getting in trouble for talking at school, numerous complaints by almost every teacher in every grade about wandering around, almost never being on task, and low grades. Finally, my mom had enough and vented out to the doctor. The doctor suggested I may have ADHD. And suggested to us a pyschiatrist who was her friend to see her as soon a possible and told me that it may vastly improve my live. My mom brushed it off. After 2 months, I had enough, after she once again for the 3rd time cancelled our meeting to pyschiatrist, because she wanted to go to the mall with her friend. We went to pyschiatrist's office where she unexpectedly cancelled the visit.. I had enough and confronted her about this on our way back home. I wanted help, I wanted to change and stop arguing everyday. She was ashamed about the possibility of having a kid with a mental illness. We started to argue intensely on our way back home then she stopped the car in the middle of the road and yelled at me to get out. I refused because we were a mile and a half away from home. She got out the front seat, opened the back door and yanked me out. I argued and argued. She grabbed a stick and threw it at me. I ran away and dodged it. I ran back to the car but I was too far away as she started to drive a way. I was so mad, I grabbed my shoe and threw it her bumper. I walked home, and about 20 minutes after being home alone. My mom called the police and said she was tired of me and I need to go somewhere else. We explained to the police what happened and he asked if I wanted to leave and handcuffed me just for safety. Where I was taken to a pyschiatric emergency room. Later called my Mom and they questioned. I was giving a blanket and some food while she was in the other room getting questioned. After a few hours, next thing I know. I'm being taken in a van to a mental hospital. I stay there for 2 weeks, I was loaded on Seroquel and Depakote. Had an allegric reaction, with in which my tongue felt like it was 20 pounds. I met some people with mental illnesses, my life was a schedule. My relationship with my mother temporarily mended during visitation hour. I later find out, That my mother stated that in the car incident that I tried to kill her.. I was so confused, I told them all I did was throw a shoe at her bumper as she drove away. And in fact that she that she was more violent and struck me with a her fist multiple times to my back and she threw a stick at me. The next day, I'm released. My Mom requested to take me out after being asked if it was true and told about my allergic reaction. The next day, My mom took the ADHD evaluation test for me, and I had all the symptoms. The doctor criticized my mom for barely seeing a doctor about this when it was going on my whole life. I was taking Vyvanse Seroquel and Depakote, and I was a miracle, I was more happy, focused and I had mostly A's and B's. Our mended relationship was temporary as it lasted a month, and we started arguing everyday again. She decided to leave pyschiatrist as when it was almost time for a refill. When the medication was finished, she told me she quit and that she didn't want to waste her money on nothing. After 5 months without meds. My grades had slipped and I was getting in trouble in school again. My Dad had decided to do my mental health, it was summer, and I had barely passed because my semester grades averaged out. We had a new pyschiatrist during that time my parents threatened to take me back to the mental hospital at least 50 times. I took adderall xr and intuniv for a 1 month but my Dad said I was arguing with my mom and I had trouble sleeping. Then I was switched to Vyvanse, with Intinituv and ABILIFY. The doctor suggested family therapy but my mom REFUSED Here we are today. My mom and I had arguement, she hit me with a chair and a pan. I suffered no injuries=no proof. But then accidently broke her door to get my phone back. She's going to call the hospital later. What do I do..?