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Hi there, I've been having this specific thought for a good while (maybe like 5 months now?), I've been wanting to cut off my hand... I've been self harming for about 6 years now and scratching my skin is very common for me when I can't self harm because I'm in public or I feel people are watching me. I have these little mental videos play of me cutting off my hand and I research stuff about it. I don't know why I want to cut it off, it wouldn't give me sexual pleasure or anything (that's what I saw a lot during my research) I just deserve to cut off my hand? I don't really know where it came from (possibly my urge to hurt myself is just getting stronger and the normal things like cutting and burning aren't satisfying my brain anymore) but maybe its apart of my STPD issues? Does anyone have similar thoughts?

So i went to the er the other day got my hand bandaged up thats about it for an infected cut.they didn't treat it in anyway just said i needed antibiotics.its been 4 or 5 days since i did it.i didn't let them do blood and when i did they said they didn't need it and now my hand is stinging and i can't go to my doctors cause my dad suddenly has work early in the morning.funny cause usually he just says he has work and never goes anywere. I dont trust it.one car is also broke so were stuck makes sense he didnt want to taxi us and that hed hide out somewere instead of going to work.doesnt matter though he doesn't care. Moms no better shes been in the living room tending to her two other daughters.my older and youngest sisters.does she even get up to check up on me and yesterday her comment was there just gonna bandage it and thats it why are you even going to the er.well i guess mom was right and they didn't do crap and so i told im not gonna do crap despite what the doctor saying its infected and in need of antibiotics i plan to just let it fall or let it become poison in my blood stream since im such a useless piece of dog meat to her and my father.

The war is far from over feeling a bit sick and paranoid were i live at probably from lack of sleep.i dont know. Ive self harmed this morning triggered by a picture of burns made me want to burn the whole thing mostly.didn't succeed.just really red and i put it away what i used cause mom if she found out she would hide it or lock it up.my dad doesn't pay much attention to self harm things i use unless its his razors. I believe i may have diabetes theres nothing here to eat most of the time band my dad goes to his shows and brings always back sweets i eat cause i like it and nothing else to eat. If my next blood test is positive for diabetes i will blame my dad cause he knows im prediabetic. And i don't know what ill do. But for now okay besides self harming im trying to make a book about kindness. Its 100 pages and i did it in a day believe it or not. I guess anything is possible.when you try and dont give up.

The system has failed me. Parents have failed me.friends have failed me.how could they not notice.ecspecially my dad i took the thing out every night and he couldnt figure out what i was using it for.they turned off the oven. Locked up the pills.im such a burden maybe adult services should take me to live some were else. Its finally finished but is bright red and yellow a good color.i stuck it on there so long im finally done put everything back so i can do it tommorow to.my mom will not notice my dad will not the system doesn't give a crap.good night guys hopefully infection sets in.as i already have felt awfully sick. And all i really want id for someone in my life to notice and help me stop.hopefully not at the er here they are so rude and dont care

I am having a really bad bout of anxiety and depression and I just self-harmed for the first time. I scared myself and I'm upset that I did it, and I feel guilty about telling my loved ones even though I really feel like I need to talk about this. It's not life-threatening but I'm scared and upset and need to talk.

can someone help me out here? i just had a cutting episode and i feel really bad about myself. I also feel pretty guilty and i dont really know who to talk to about this because i dont want my mom to freak out and i dont really like my therapist so idk if i want to talk to her about it. I dont really know but could anyone give me some advice of any kind??? thank you

I started cutting myself over a year ago and had quit for some time but now I'm doing it again. I can't stop myself even if I think about how I don't want to do it anymore. Ever since I moved to college I have been getting more and more depressed and my anxiety has been getting worse. I've tried to reach out to my school's counsellors system but they never return any of my calls and don't seem to care. A few weeks ago I was raped and that made everything so much worse. I haven't gone to any of my classes in a long time and I feel like I just want to take at least a semester off to just cool off for a little by and decide what to do next but I don't know what's will happen to my gpa and I'm freaked out about that. I've never thought of suicide until just this past week and the only thing that's keeping me from really hurting myself are my cats. They've been through everything with me and I've had them for almost 14 years I couldn't bear to think of leaving them all on their own. They honestly mean more to my than my own family. Tonight I've been having panic attacks non stop and I'm trying to convince myself to not self harm anymore but it's really hard not to. I'm scared because trump is our president and the house and senate and everything is all republican. Im disabled a woman and gay and I am honestly fearful for my life and all I see are all these disgusting racists homophobic islamaphobic people happy about trump winning and I don't want to be here anymore. I can't take it. I am so scared.

This is a bit of a long story, but what's going on is affecting my mental health immensely. I don't know which way to turn so I guess I'll post here. I moved across the country back to the town I grew up in so I could be with the person i want to spend the rest of my life with. Him and I were engaged for two years, in a relationship for six years. I left him and moved to wisconsin with my sister because he was treating me badly and i wanted him to try and change before i got back with him again. He's changed, but he fell in love with someone else. This other girl is now pregnant with his child. I'm obsolete now to the person i believe to be my soul mate. He's struggling to choose between her and I and I can't handle it anymore. I told him I would wait for him but this whole ordeal is driving me to the point where i'm punching myself so hard i'm leaving bruises. I feel like none of this would have happened if I never left and just stayed here and worked with him to make things better. I feel like i'm ruining other people's lives. I don't want to live like this anymore and i don't see myself moving forward with life without him. I don't know what to do. I'm so fucking confused and hurt and I haven't stopped crying for days. I've cried myself to sleep the last several nights. I want to be with him and this girl doesn't but he has feelings for her. I don't understand how his mind is working and i don't know what he's thinking. If he decides to be with her he has to cut me off for good, forever. I don't think I'll be able to make it if that happens. I can't see a future without him in it. This is what I've worked so hard my whole life for. I chased him ever since i was 13 and now i'm 20. We've been together for our whole lives it seems like. If he chooses her I can guarantee I won't be around long enough for him to find out if that's the correct decision or not.

im going fucking crazy for even making an account. am i that desperate? for attention? what the fuck is wrong with me? wHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT JUST KILL YOURSELF YOU FUCKING DISGUSTING FUCK. shes fucking watching. who is she? IM SO FUCKING PARANOID IM SCARING MYSELF I WANT HELP AND IM JUST WATCHING MY FINGERS TYPE THIS ISNT ME IM NOT ME IM SCARED MOM IM SCARED. my mom doesnt care THEYRE ALL LIARS NOTHING THEY SAY IS REAL IM ALL ALONE im all alone with nobody. yesterday i was happy because i felt like i had a friend; but they i realized they only did me a favour because they wanted to get with my hot friend with big tits. i wanna be like her. weigh less than 110 with huge ass double Ds i wish i were pretty and sweet and girly so id be something worth time im fucking disgusting and i dont wanna live WHY DONT I DRIVE A KNIFE THROUGH MY WRIST I DONT CARE I DONT CARE IM TIRED OF EXPLAINING TO COUNCELLOURS HOW I FEEL EVEN THOUGH I DONT KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!! MAYBE ITS BECAUSE MY PARENTS IGNORE ME!!!! MY FAMILY HATES ME BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE MY DAD!!!!! THEY HATE ME BECAUSE I APPARENTLY ACT LIKE HIM!!!! IM TRYING I HATE HIM SO BAD!!!! THEY ALL LTOLD ME IM UGLY AND I HAVE NO DREAMS ANYMORE'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEVER PALNNED TO LIVE THIS LONG!!! SOMEONE IS WATCHING ME CRY OVER MY WABCAM WHO IS IT??? IM GOING FUCKING CRAZY I DONT WANNA TURN AROUND HELP ME PLEASE IM BEGGING I DONT WANNA LIVE I WANNA JUST DIE AND DIE AND DIE AND DIE ANDIE AND DIE WHY AM I SO SAD ALL THE TIME DEPRESSION ISNT REAL I DONT BELIEVE THEM IM JUST CRAZY!!!! NO ONE LISTENS TO ME I SHOULD JUST CUT MY TONGUE OFF SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I WANNA DIE SO BAD I DONT WANNA BE HERE I DONT HAVE DREAMS I DONT HAVE TOMORROW AND I FUCKED UP no one listens

Everything has been going terribly in my life, I have so many medical bills, I'm in a ton of debt, my sister was diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and is unable to use her arms or legs. But then I met this woman and things started to turn around. She's wonderful to me, she's incredibly loving and supportive. My BPD and intrusive thoughts are creeping back and telling me that I don't deserve her and that she's just going to leave you as soon as she gets the chance. I'm so overwhelmed and all I want to do is cut. I don't know if I can make it through this time. I think I'm going to relapse. Please help me.

I could just do it. Right now I could so easily. So much of me knows that it's wrong and I'm terrified of myself right now but I just really want to die. I'm so sick of being here. I don't want to see all those people at school tomorrow I just want to die and never see another face again. I don't want to want to die but I do. I need help I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do anymore

I could do it right now so easily. I don't want to want to die but I can't control it and I want to kill myself so badly I don't know what to do. I'm really scared of myself everything hurts so bad and i need to take my medication but I'm afraid that if I get up to take it I'll end up taking all the pills and I'm scared to leave my bed

I relapsed tonight for the first time in about a year and I just feel so sick to my stomach and mad at myself but still alarmingly numb. I let myself get upset over a small stupid thing like always. I never have a reason that makes sense to anyone. My dad and little sister are coming this weekend. I really don't want them to see the cuts. I didn't even stop and think about what effect it could have, I just did it. So stupid and selfish. Again. I honestly really don't know what to feel right now. Please help.