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In my teens and early 20's I was on the verge of suicide over my penis size. I'm 5.5 inches erect, but my flaccid penis can shrink to almost nothing depending on weather/working out/anxiety. The first girl who ever saw my penis simply walked off...yep, said nothing, walked off. I was 15, she was 16. She looked, and said she had to go. Her friend came back and said she wasn't looking for a relationship right now. I was gutted. I had had a long term girlfriend when I was 12-14, but it was never sexual, and I'm glad we broke up before it turned sexual or could be ruined by 'the reveal'. I still hold my first love dear, and thank Christ it didn't end like so many others. Over the years I watched all my friends hook up with girls and discard them like used condoms as I sat on the sidelines in a world of shit. When I was 17 I met a girl and we started dating. I didn't find her sexually attractive, but I needed someone. I had 0% confidence in the sack and would get blind drunk on strong lager before we got intimate. This did NOT help my performance one iota and I would often lose my erection and become extremely frustrated. I could get harder than a robots cock at home, but on the mainstage I'd become anxious and blow it. My friends made fun of me behind my back and my family were no better. I know they didn't mean anything by it, not really. I was just an easy target for them to shift the attention away from their own insecurities. But people can be really cruel sometimes. One particular time a friend of friend called my girlfriend ugly and said she deserved a little dick. I ended up in more fights than I care to remember, but even if I won, the reasons for fighting hurt more than any punch. Events like this weren't rare and would eat me up inside. I was unbelievably angry back then and a truly horrible person to be around, especially if I was drunk. I would attack as a form of 'defence' and could be really cruel. I can't even count the amount of embarrassing penis related incidents during my youth, they were a regular occurrence. I once had my shorts pulled down at a football match and I thought I would die right there on the spot. From comments at parties while I was stood right there causing a punch up to snide comments that were hidden poorly but enough for plausible deniability. As every small penised man knows showers are a no no. In school I said it was 'gay' for men to shower together and wouldn't go in. My school work suffered and I was always in trouble. The summer was a nightmare for me. Too hot to wear a coat to cover my ever changing bulge, it would cripple me with anxiety. To be honest, my bulge is still a major factor in all my remaining anxiety's. I avoided all sexual relationships like the plague, often sabotaging potential relationships early on. When I was 25 I met my now wife. I fell in love with her. She was cute but insecure like me. I decided to treat her like a princess instead of my usual song and dance. She was being bullied by her roommates and I put them in their place. We were a team, quickly becoming inseparable. I soon found out she'd fallen in love with me too. I can't even explain the anxiety I had about the impending sex, I'd almost faint thinking about it. In my head it was a full gone conclusion, my true love wouldn't have no choice but to reject me. So desperate I went to the doctor and he prescribed Viagra. I was juicing, but I needed to be at my best, leave nothing to chance. At first, all encounters were awkward, but technically successful. Over the next year I became more and more confident and stopped the Viagra. I started to find out what I was capable of sexually. I started to figure out which positions were advantageous and what else I could incorporate into the bedroom. This is a must for the small penised man. One year later, she was pregnant with my first child, and then, I had a family. It was like a dream sometimes. How did I get here from the spare room of my auntie's house contemplating suicide over my dick? It's been 10 years since then. I thank God I found my soul mate. Although a soul mate isn't necessarily needed for happiness. Turns out just having someone who doesn't use your physical shortcomings as a weapon is heaven itself. Over the last few years I've become very adventurous sexually and I now realise that being 'good in bed' is 90% confidence. Of course a big cock would be advantageous, but as a small man, I have to cover more bases and as a result I can be really creative. I mean EVERYONE is lying about how great they are in bed, we're just not honest enough with eachother to even mention something that makes us look less manly, and as men on a whole, we suffer. And a lot of men are just on the lookout for a conversation where they can show how much of a stud they are. I feel the pain of the SPS community, and it breaks my heart to read the posts from men like myself suffering from what can be the cruelest torture any human could endure. It is looked at as a joke and ignored leaving many men in a living hell. Life isn't perfect, but is it ever? I still get very anxious sometimes, it's something I still have to work on. It is dark sometimes, but a light switch is just one stubbed toe away.