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Hi, This is my first post ever to a forum like this ... kinda nervous! I have discovered in the past 2 months that I am suffering quite badly from anxiety ... but the past few weeks it has gotten increasingly worse. I'm 19 y/o and female. The circumstances that have made it worse are these - I live with my boyfriend at uni, but I am home for summer now and I don't handle being away from him so well, I spent almost every day of the past year with him, and having to suddenly have that taken away is really hard for me, especially when our communication is limited due to the business of his life at home (he lives a 3 hour train journey away) - I'm constantly paranoid that he is becoming less interested in me, which I know isn't true! But this paranoia is something that I have found to come along with my anxiety. I feel that it may be putting stress on our relationship, and yes we've discussed it and we've set some ground rules to help us, but I'm the kind of person who feels like I always mess things up, and this is the one thing I do not want to mess up as I feel it's the only thing I have right now (and it's kind of a perfect thing). Most days are bad ... especially at nighttime, I don't have many friends, in fact I only have 2 including my boyfriend - therefore I feel bad constantly telling them about all of this... This is quite a long post and I didn't expect it to be so I'm just gonna sum up how I feel right now; I feel a heaviness in my chest yet an emptiness at the same time, I'm constantly worried about one thing or another, I feel sick quite a lot of the time, I cry myself to sleep most nights and I just feel bad about myself ... I should also probably add that I suffer from OCD, which I feel definitely doesn't help my anxiety ... I'm planning to go to a doctor once I get back to uni but that's not for another month, so I was wondering if anyone on here would be able to help and give me ways to cope with this until that point? Thank you

Age: 19 You know, after these exhaustive searches as to what the average penis size is, I start to recognize the fluff that’s implemented into these surveys and statistics. It’s like, you read stats, but the observable evidence is always directly opposed. You hear “5.5, 5.6, 5.7, ad nausea” but when you log off the computer and ask a woman her preferable size the average woman says 7.5. I am a perfectionist and I live only to please (including me), so knowing that I cannot ‘fully’ please a woman leads me to the reality that my existence is meaningless wasteful (really need to emphasize ‘fully’ as claiming ‘5 inches can still please…’ is entirely meaningless to someone like me who will not be happy unless I can fully please a woman- and 5.6 inches won’t do it. Furthermore, I would like to have multiple partners as nature intended so saying, “you’ll find someone who will love you” doesn’t really mean much to me. Moreover, I can never find a loved one since, if i already know I cannot sexually please her, then there is no point of pursuit, thus no lover. Women try and pursue me but always get rejected for their benefit (i.e. they do not know I cannot satisfy them so I save them the trouble in finding out). I am afraid of not the ridicule itself, rather the consequences of such ridicule (presumably another school shooting). I never had much of a family and I was bullied my whole life; later,, I lost weight (155 lbs) people started respecting me, and girls started taking interests. Additionally, I am highly competitive, however, that spirit only extends to things that are somewhat controllable (sadly, penis size is not). --- As an aside: I hate women that complain about breast size as if that actually impacts the other sex's pleasure. How pitiful and petty one must be to complain about ass & boobs but then try and console males by suggesting--really lying--that size is doesn't matter that much... Women as moronic as that deserve to fucking die slowly. --- It just angers me knowing how much an uncontrollable appendage can affect your entire psycho-social structure. I’ve been depressed for 8 years- all for one fucking appendage…. I am more frustrated at the scientific community for not finding simple and effective ways to surgically increase penis size without a fucking transplant- and I would even do that if I knew how to get one. Anyway, my existence amongst 7+ billion is entirely is infinitesimally concerning, and I see no rational reason one would choose torture over peace. I am/was going to a good college (so I am sure I’ll be in the news) and I had extraordinary grades- and the only thing that kept me going (I am sure you will laugh) was the hope I invested in urologists on coming up with an efficient penis enlargement surgical process, to which they patently let me down.

Hello! I really don't know how to begin: I am suffering! Right now, and in every minute. I am afraid, that I might be wrong. When I have a problem, or when I think about something, I am afraid, that my thoughts/etc. could be wrong. When I find a solution, I am extremely satisfied. But then I think "But it could be wrong as well, because of this and this" and it starts from the beginning. The problems I have are thinking problems. When I hear about Communism for example, I think why could this be wrong. And then, after I've found a solution, then another thought pops up in my head saying "But what's when..." and it lasts for about 5 hours (the longest period was two days!). I do not even know why I am thinking about Communism (just one of a few examples) and why I continue to think. Maybe because of perfectionism. Maybe I want to be "perfect" and to "know everything and to be right in every matter". Yes, I use logic thoughts. I mean: When I think about Communism e.g., I try to think extremely logically. I try to avoid fallacies. Indeed, when I talk about it with my friends, my friends do not know how to argue with me, because they don't know any opposite argument. They say, that I had to be a politician or something like this. But this is the deep reality of such a person: Your thoughts are not leaving your head. You wake up, and you start to thing about such situations. You sleep, so you dream about it. Everyday I have an enormous headache because of this. And my problem is: I don't know how to stop it. I don't know how to think normally, literally. When I talk about it to my parents (about my thoughts), they're just like: "Why you are thinking about those pointless situations" (My thoughts are going deeper, and deeper, and deeper, and at one point, they're deep enough to not be understood by 99% of the people). One example is: "What if you imagine that the 'dictatorship of the proletariat' is originally meant as a metaphor and it only means that you have to make taxes higher up to 50 per cent?". I know, it's a kinda strange example, but these thoughts are like this. And when I found a very strong contra-argument, I start to worry extremely, I become angry, afraid of the whole situation, it's just like a whole world is going down. Not a good feeling. And it only ends when I have found a solution. Because I think, I can never be happy. I can never enjoy a movie because I've not thought a thing to the end. This thing ruins my life. I cannot enjoy anything just because I cannot rest from my thoughts, they're hunting me and when they find me, I have to thing about this topic. And even when I've found a solution, I think about it over and over again, just "to feel that I'm right". Really, I want to be normal again. It is one of the worst "diseases" you can have, I wish it to no one! I've also made a personality test (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) online. The result: INTJ. T (for thinking): 100% It sounds cool but it really isn't. I tried to distract myself, but with no results: Every time I want to begin making something productive, I start thinking. And then, I just lay on my bed (or go up and down) and think for the next 3-5 hours. And I cannot stop because "I'm too deep in this crap". My problem is that I cannot accept the fact that I actually don't know a solution/something for a topic. And it makes me feel helpless, like the world end is just coming up. Like if a world is just broken down like glass. It's difficult to describe, I tried once to stop thinking about this. There was a moment where I said to myself: "Just stop thinking, f**k it". Eight hours later, I couldn't fall asleep because I had this thoughts in my head. Through the whole eight hours, the thoughts didn't go. The thoughts were more quiet, but this didn't help. The thoughts are only gone when I've solved the problem. Another time, I'd found another problem right before going to bed. I could only sleep for 5 hours and this was the worst sleep you can imagine. In the next morning, I found the solution at last. I also have problems with studying and writing exams, just due to my thinking-problem. I lack in concentration so bad that I literally write crap on my paper (every time I get the test I just ask myself: "WTF I've written!?"). I also have the feeling that I need to write when this thing has started: It was 1,5 years before, I guess. Before, I was fine. I had my dog-phobia (I have it as far as I remember), but I wasn't interested in thinking/problems/... I was just a normal guy who wanted to have fun. Then, I felt in love with a girl. The problems: She was two years younger than me (it is not so bad, I know, but come on: a 15 year old guy and a 13 year old girlfriend?) and she was the sister of a good friend of mine (so I didn't even tell anyone that I'd been in love with her, because I didn't want to ruin my friendship with him). So, I gave her up. De jure. De facto: not. I was so extremely in love, every time, I saw her, I felt to the ground, because my knees were just like pudding. I started to search on the internet if someone asked a question with the words "love" and "boy". The 16 hours I was awake, I probably spent 3 of them just searching after "her question". I wasn't in love anymore, I was limerent. Then, on February 24th 2014, I saw her with her boyfriend cuddling. Since then, I was destroyed. This crap f**ked myself. I was depressed, really depressed. I really had to take medicine (my parents do not know about this story, I started to take it as I developed sleep problems). After that, I've felt normal. But during this dark period, I've developed unusual thinking-habits. I started to interest myself in politics/economics/philosophy/..., the themes, I use to think about it a lot. Then, some months ago, I had a kinda traumatic experience: I wanted to inform myself about anarchism, and then, I've found arguments for anarchy which I couldn't answer. It hit me so hard that I didn't know what to do (like a shock). I could find a solution to it, but it was so shocking for me that I've developed the main problems since then. 1,5 years ago, I wouldn't react in this way. I think, that the first dilemma was for being emotionally unstabile and the second one to be mentally unstabile. Now I am here, I probably know more about those themes I've mentioned as my classmates, and I hate it. I want to go to the forest and to look at trees without questioning the evolution. You understand? Everything is a trigger for me. I want "to live", not "to think". Because when you live, you are present. And when you think, you are in your mind. Two worlds. Brah. But, for example, when I go through the forest and I see some trees, and when I actually start to question evolution (just an example), the first thoughts hit me like Mike Tyson Alan in "The Hangover". They're literally knockouting me. Like: "Oh no you have to think no time for life". And then they're saying: "We only let you out when you've found a solution". Of course, I do not hear voices in my mind, I mean it kinda metaphoric. And the craziest thing is: I let them in and I listen to them. I don't know, why it hits me so hard. I really think because of the two dilemmas. I hope, you can understand me better now. It's like worrying too much about a topic, but you cannot see that it's (the worries) pointless because you want to find this solution for a topic. And when you do not find a solution for it, you feel like sh**. Like your inner balance is gone. Example: I see a tree and ask myself: "What if evolution is wrong?". Then I develop theories about creationism. Then I ask myself: "But what about theological evolution?". Then I think further. And then, at a certain point, I get a thought that seems kinda insolvable. "What when Darwin has actually written some information about theological evolution? What when he's hidden a necessary god in his theory?". And then, I do some research, but usually, I never find anything. Then, I think about it, how it exactly was. It's like solving a sudoku with 17 filled boxes (as far as I know it's the necessary number to solve a sudoku-puzzle). You have very little information and you try to figure the history out just with this information. And that's the point where it starts (sometimes my first thought is this insolvable question/theory): You're not in peace till you've solved. You know that feeling, when you play a video game and you cannot win. Imagine, what if you stop playing this video game without wining this level? Shitty feeling, right? And imagine it 100 times stronger. You're not even close to this I must feel. I really hope you understood me now. (And yes, I do think about evolution (because I'm interested in theology and it's a contrast to it), as I've stated, I think about philosophy, theology, politics and economics). Maybe it's not anxiety, but it feels like this. ​I hope you can understand me and that you can help me! (I am not a native speaker - Sorry for my English)

I need some outside help on this. So I found this website and decided to post here. My name is Hannah and I am 17 years old. I suffer from extreme anxiety, social phobia and IBS. I have been prescribed Lexapro and have been taking it since September 2012. I upped my dosage to 20mg in December of 2012. As far as anxiety and social fear goes. I feel better than I felt at my lowest. But not a ton better. I'm not crying every morning before school though so that's a plus. I've also been extremely depressed though. I believe it may somewhat be caused by the medication. But I also believe its just me. For the first time in my life I've been having suicidal and self harm thoughts almost everyday for over a month. I've been depressed, unable to bring my self to do anything. My grades are slipping fast, but they have been for a few years because in just not motivated anymore. I hate that I'm this way. I've even gone as far as to cut my wrists a few times and it did make me feel better. Even though I know thats not the answer. I also have been getting extremely annoyed and angry for no or little reason. Which I've never done. I've never been moody or angry much. Not like this. I get angry for hours and shut my self away. Ugh. I don't know what's happening. I keep telling my mom I want to go talk to someone. Like a therapist. Our doctor told her I should months ago but she never followed through. Now, whenever I ask, she says that I'm fine and don't need it and ignores it. My mother suffers from bad depression and always tells me I don't know what anxiety or depression is and that I don't have it nearly as bad as she did. And not to sound like a teenager who thinks their mom doesn't understand or anything, but my moms not in my head. She doesn't think how I do. On the outside, I hide it well. Here's a recap of a discussion I had with my mom earlier tonight (my mom previously told me to remind her about seeing someone), "mom. Do you need me to keep reminding you to find a therapist?" "yeah. Have you been like extremely sad lately?" "mom. I already have told you that I have been" "you've just seemed really good lately Hannah. You seem more than fine" "well mom. Sometimes my emotions on the inside are different then those on the outside" "whatever Hannah" None of my friends suspect a thing except for the one I open up to, and she can sometimes see through the happiness and loud exterior I try to our forth to my friends. My question is, how do I get help? Do I need help? How do I help my mon understand? Should I see a therapist? I'm not serious enough for a mental hospital I assume. Even though sometimes I wish I could be in one, to get away from life and get better. Sigh. Any help is appreciated. Thanks for reading. Hannah. Sorry for any grammar or spelling errors. I typed this up on my phone.