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What should I do? I feel like my life has no purpose anymore. My parents and friends ignore me, I barely ever see my family, and I normally am locked up in my room (I lock myself in) to skip school. I don't eat and am falling behind in studies. My best friend recently committed suicide and I just want to see her again, not in a picture. Help. I feel there is only one solution to my neverending grief, anxiety, and depression.

Hello I'm koi nice to meet you, Iv been threw some shit I'm currently 15 and I have been threw mental Sexual and physical abuse for years since I was 7 by my cousin he is now in jail for rape my father sexually abused me for a while starting when I was 11 but that's not the problem they are they tell me things like that I'm worthless that I'm Nothing to anyone that I'm a disgrace to everyone in my life and no one really cares for me and I know it's all true because you can trust people who have been with you your entire suffering right? You can trust yourself that means you can trust the People you made up in your head? They tell me to do things to myself I can't be around a knife without getting bad thoughts from them not to other people but to myself rarely other people I know I need help I feel fucking crazy I feel horrible I just want this hell to stop please make it stop they keep telling me things they keep pushing me to do things I struggle with cutting only because they like blood and I deserve the pain it's something I deserve for fucking my life up and turning it into this please tell me what to do I know no one can do anything for me but I want to know what to do I help my small group of online friends be happy i tried asking my mother and father for help but they said no they said I was fine they said I was just going threw a rough time but this has gone in for 4 fucking years this hell it's all from.me I caused but I can't get rid of it is this what I deserve where did I go wrong to deserve this fucking hell that they put me threw day after day my sister goes threw the same thing she knows how I feel she has the same thoughts but different we are best friends she's all I have I want to get help I have failed two Suicide attempts sorry if this is all spaced out and stuff I'm not completely myself right now no I dont smoke or drink or do drugs I just dont feel right is there anything I can do to help myself or even my sister?

I have been experiencing anxiety and depression for a few years now, but now it has intensified over the last few months with me now questioning my sexuality, which is my main issue now. I just never thought I would be questioning now because for my whole 19 years on this planet, i was certain i was straight, and now everything's all muddled up, i just really need guidance right now. Anyway's, I've always had crushes on girl's growing up, every time one would touch me, i would get hard. Although one time in middle school i got a crush on my guy friend, but i didn't think too much or stress over it. I've had one girlfriend, who every time i would text or talk, or be around in real life, would get me hard. Now i have another male friend that I've known for three years, and until very recently, I've never looked at him in a sexual light, but now he makes me feel the same way I felt about my ex-girlfriend, and it's confusing the shit out of me. Also important to note is that I do watch a certain type of gay porn, straight porn has never appealed to me, and before this questioning, neither did gay porn, before my crises now, i would only watch lesbian porn. Some insight into my situation would be nice, I've never been so on edge before this.

im going fucking crazy for even making an account. am i that desperate? for attention? what the fuck is wrong with me? wHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT JUST KILL YOURSELF YOU FUCKING DISGUSTING FUCK. shes fucking watching. who is she? IM SO FUCKING PARANOID IM SCARING MYSELF I WANT HELP AND IM JUST WATCHING MY FINGERS TYPE THIS ISNT ME IM NOT ME IM SCARED MOM IM SCARED. my mom doesnt care THEYRE ALL LIARS NOTHING THEY SAY IS REAL IM ALL ALONE im all alone with nobody. yesterday i was happy because i felt like i had a friend; but they i realized they only did me a favour because they wanted to get with my hot friend with big tits. i wanna be like her. weigh less than 110 with huge ass double Ds i wish i were pretty and sweet and girly so id be something worth time im fucking disgusting and i dont wanna live WHY DONT I DRIVE A KNIFE THROUGH MY WRIST I DONT CARE I DONT CARE IM TIRED OF EXPLAINING TO COUNCELLOURS HOW I FEEL EVEN THOUGH I DONT KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!! MAYBE ITS BECAUSE MY PARENTS IGNORE ME!!!! MY FAMILY HATES ME BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE MY DAD!!!!! THEY HATE ME BECAUSE I APPARENTLY ACT LIKE HIM!!!! IM TRYING I HATE HIM SO BAD!!!! THEY ALL LTOLD ME IM UGLY AND I HAVE NO DREAMS ANYMORE'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEVER PALNNED TO LIVE THIS LONG!!! SOMEONE IS WATCHING ME CRY OVER MY WABCAM WHO IS IT??? IM GOING FUCKING CRAZY I DONT WANNA TURN AROUND HELP ME PLEASE IM BEGGING I DONT WANNA LIVE I WANNA JUST DIE AND DIE AND DIE AND DIE ANDIE AND DIE WHY AM I SO SAD ALL THE TIME DEPRESSION ISNT REAL I DONT BELIEVE THEM IM JUST CRAZY!!!! NO ONE LISTENS TO ME I SHOULD JUST CUT MY TONGUE OFF SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I WANNA DIE SO BAD I DONT WANNA BE HERE I DONT HAVE DREAMS I DONT HAVE TOMORROW AND I FUCKED UP no one listens

I relapsed tonight for the first time in about a year and I just feel so sick to my stomach and mad at myself but still alarmingly numb. I let myself get upset over a small stupid thing like always. I never have a reason that makes sense to anyone. My dad and little sister are coming this weekend. I really don't want them to see the cuts. I didn't even stop and think about what effect it could have, I just did it. So stupid and selfish. Again. I honestly really don't know what to feel right now. Please help.