Resolute

The Man Cave

82 posts in this topic

disclaimer: enter at your own risk! this thread shall be geared mostly toward men, and although women are more than welcome here, they've gotta be cool with guy talk and sexual jokes and remarks

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a hick living in a non democratic country in a time of famine was walking in town with a fat sheep. the cops arrest him and they question him about how the sheep got so fat and what he feeds it. he tell them i feed him wheat. so they beat the crap out of him and say "people are starving to death and you feed your sheep wheat?". a couple months later the same thing happens, but when they ask him the same question, he says "i feed him rice". they beat the crap out of him even worse than the first time and say "people are starving and have absolutely nothing to eat, while you feed your sheep rice!". another few months pass and they catch him again. this time when they question him he says "look, idk what he eats, i just give him a few bucks and he goes to the market and buys whatever the hell he wants".

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15 minutes ago, VictimofBullyingNo1cared said:

Having sex on an elevator is wrong on so many levels. 

so make sure to really floor her lol.

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a newlywed couple wake up in the morning, and when the wife tries to get out of bed, the husband stops her and says "where do you think you're going?". she says "to fix you breakfast, sweetie". he says "no need, i'll just have you for breakfast", and so he takes her and they don't get out of bed. hours later, she's about to get out of bed again, and he asks the same question, and she says "i wanna fix you lunch, baby". he says, i'll have you instead, and he takes her again. in the afternoon, the husband goes out to run some errands, and when he comes back at night, he's starving, hadn't eaten all day and all, he's starving. he doesn't see his wife anywhere, until he finds her in the kitchen sitting on the stove, naked. he says "what the hell are you doing?", and she says "just making sure your dinner doesn't get cold, darling". the end.

Victimorthecrime likes this

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The only thing I can think of that would be good about being married is that women are excellent planners and networkers so I would never have to give a moments thought to weekend, holiday or vacation activities or destinations.  Just come home and do what you are told. 

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i know john and maybe klingsor (being gearheads of sorts) will appreciate this one; there was a popular sitcom in the 90s called "home improvement", from imdb: "The daily trials and tribulations of Tim Taylor, a TV show host raising three mischeivous boys with help from his loyal co-host, domineering wife, and genius neighbor.", starring tim allen, who's portrayed as a clumsy guy who loves souping-up everything, from cars, to potato peelers, and usually ends up breaking (or blowing up) everything he touches. ironically, he hosts a tool show called "tool time".

anyway, on one of his adventures, he damages their home's water pipe and is forced to shut off the water. he asks to use the garden hose of his neighbor (wilson), and once he realizes that the hose won't reach, he shouts "wilson, i need more hose (which sounds like hoes)" and his neighbor shouts "don't we all, tim?". :D

btw, "tool time" had a "tool girl". it was pamela anderson for the first two seasons, and for the next six seasons they used the truly stunning debbe dunning. man, was she a knockout!

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