Small penis anxiety and depression

[emed27]

Iam 23 and I've never had sex due to my lack of confidence regarding my penis. The thing is, I always thought I was 5" or at least 5 and a half, which is still on the smaller side, but I always thought to my self, "Eh, at least iam average". It wasn't until recently when I learned how to PROPERLY measure my penis and realize I've been doing it wrong all along. Iam actually 4 and a half inches! I'm mortified. I litterly feel sick to my stomach. I cant belive I have a 4 and a half inch penis. To make things worse, the other day I was at work and a friend of mine told me that her ex boy friend had a "small penis" She then used a pen that was near by to demonstrate how small it was. I then measured the pen and saw it was 5 and a half inches! Can u imagine what she would think of me! It just hit me that I can never hook up with anyone or have a one night stand or maybe even be in a relationship. The fact that i have a small penis just hit me like a ton of bricks. Im litterly waking up anxious with pain in my stomach. Im pacing back and forth at the verge of a panic atack. I don't know what to do. Thoughts of suicide have even crossed my mind. Im just really angry, upset and even a bit jelous at the fact the other guys my age or going around meeting new girls at bars and hooking up  and i cant because of the size of my penis. And I know alot of people say "One day u will find a girl who loves and accepts u for u", and to be honest, that hurts. The fact that the only time a person would be accepting of my penis Is if she loves me just sucks man. 

I really don't have any motivation to do anything anymore. My days are usually just filled with sorrow and anxiety. Every time I think about the fact that my penis Is less than average I just get extremely anxious and depressed. It's like, who can I tell about this? I've recently gained alot of weight and am currently about 50 lbs over weight. I really want to lose weight and get in shape but the thing is IF I do, I would probably become more attractive to people, which would open the door to girls approaching me and tying to date me, which will probably lead to them trying to bang me, and well, we all know where that would lead to.

I just really don't know what to do anymore. I just found this website the other day and noticed that alot of posts don't even get alot or responses. Please don't let that be the case with me. Please respond, give me some advise, a pep talk, SOMETHING. I really need it. Thanks in advance.

[LaLa]

Hello, emed, welcome!

I'm sorry you're in so much pain and in the resulting apathy  . I hear you; you are angry, frustrated, anxious... It's good that you decided to share this with others here and I wish you to receive some helpful feedback. As you might have already noticed, members here are rather divided by their opinions and attitude regarding SPS, but I hope this diversity isn't necessarily a source of problems...

Have you considered professional help - psychotherapy (or counselling)? That's what I would recommend you the most because to heal such long-lasting despair and such relational fears etc. is usually possible mainly (only?) with such type of help. This forum may be a support, "a company" where you can share and vent whatever you need... Such communication can be important, too, but I'm not sure it could entirely help itself...

BTW; the desire to protect oneself (from the suffering expected from others) by getting fat is well-known. People who don't overcome their fears (of intimacy, ...) are unlikely to loose weight or maintain it after ad diet  . You may learn more about the complexities of the relations between mental problems and physical illnesses and obesity here - it's a 3-part audio documentary; eye-opening in several ways:

http://www.cbc.ca/radio/ideas/all-in-the-family-part-1-1.3523111

I also recommend you the following short video. I know you may object that this "doesn't apply to you", but... I think it shows at least one point to you: That the problem isn't "your size", neither it's the stupid reaction of several / many stupid women. The problem is what you do with what you have; how you don't accept yourself as you are and don't search for possibilities to build healthy relationships that would make you feel much better. I'm sorry if this sounds like a judgement  . I'm not judging you, I'm just trying to offer you a different perspective, because different perspective can sometimes help, at least in some way; to "move forward", to open oneself to new possibilities, ... 

Good luck and take care!

[emed27]

Hey lala! Thank u so much for your kind words. Definitely made me feel a bit better. And as for the "seeking professional help" thing, I've seriously thought about seeing a therapist about this issue, but I feel like it would be emberassing. Can you imagine telling a therapist that your miserable and depressed because of a small penis! Idk, I think that would be kind of akward. I also wouldn't want them to feel uncomfortable. What if they think iam some kind of perv that gets turned on by talking about my penis? Idk... I just feel like Iam giving up hope

[IrmaJean]

Welcome to the community, emed. I'm sorry you are feeling distressed and losing hope.

My first instinct when I see a post like yours is to express how the size of your genitals isn't what matters and that I don't and wouldn't care about that, it's his heart, his mind, and his spirit...that is everything that matters, to me. Those are my personal feelings. I might also say that one day you will hopefully find someone who loves you for you and who accepts you as you are, but I would not mean that to suggest the person is accepting something less. I would mean that as a person who loves and accepts you, that person would naturally accept and love your body because it is part of you. Size, in one way or the other, would not enter into the equation. That is how things work for me when I love someone. I'm not sure that expressing my personal feelings has helped anyone here, but I still hope maybe it does.

I once had to tell my therapist that I had lost clitoral sensation due to nerve damage from childbirth and because of this I could no longer experience an orgasm or even begin the process. Wow. So much easier to write that than to say it with my therapist sitting right in front of me! Actually, I never said it out loud. I squirmed and closed my eyes and whispered and eventually he guessed. :/ It's incredibly hard sharing painful and sensitive things with someone, I hear you.  But that raw honesty, openness, and discomfort is exactly what is needed to create a space for potential change and healing. It may take time to find a therapist you can work with and it may take time to build enough trust to share sensitive and personal information. You can't change the size of your genitals so it makes sense to try and change how you feel, think, and respond.

I'm sorry you're going through this and feeling down about it.  Sending you my care and support.

Take care.

[Lantrier]

I think that 4,5 inch erect size is perfectly fine. I don't understand why more than that can be better. Usually, when somebody said that it was to small to enjoy sex with the partner has a some sort of problem with his ego: the pride thing. It's all in the head. We have to stop worrying about that. and look outside to have better confidence in ourselves. To have confidence in ourselves is more important than penis size I think.

Look at me, I have an average penis, and I have never dated someone: what a shame. Why? Not because of my penis size obviously, but because I lack trust in myself. For differents reasons I guess, but the most important reason that I don't have the courage to date is because I don't have sensations from my penis. So I have to overcome this fear as you have to overcome your fear of penis size. It's a continuess process to let go of our fears, so we can finally begin to take initiative. 

We have to stop being afraid of our body, and be proud of it.

[Shrimp Fried Life]

Hello fellow virgin. (I wonder if you'll be a virgin as long as I have...57 years). Anyway whether you have a small penis will depend on the female you present it to or who sees it or who hears about it. Some will definitely see you as small (many see 6" as small these days) Not much you can do about it. You can put yourself out there and hope that the one you end up with is one of those that doesn't mind you being small. Or you can do what a lot of guys on here do including me and just wile your life away alone whining and bitching about how unfair life is.

[Shrimp Fried Life]

I've had two therapists in the last three years I wasn't able to bring the subject of my small penis up with either of them. We spoke about my inability to socialize and talk to women and that was it. I did mention my size worries to a psychiatrist who needed to know so she could determine if I needed to be on the anti depressants I was taking. We didn't talk much about it though. I will be seeing a new therapist soon and I've decided that I'm going to talk about my size problems first this time. It will be hard but I think once I got the "I have a small penis" out it should be easier to talk about it after that. I'm just not sure how to say it. "I have a small penis" "I'm not very well endowed" "I'm inadequate down there"

[Victimorthecrime]

Are you able to enjoy other aspects of life LLV?  Friendships, activities, chilling out or whatever. 

[Shrimp Fried Life]

Not really. Not any more. I did when I was younger in my 20's and 30's. I did things and went places. Can't say I had many friends but I did go places on my own. Most of my time was spent in my room alone listening to music or watching TV and movies. I really just did things as distractions from feeling frustrated. But now even those things don't work anymore. I rarely get to speak to people and that makes it even harder to talk to them when a situation comes up. I do talk to people when I have to but even then I'm not real talkative. I don't have much of a life so there's not much to talk about.

[emed27]

Irma Jean: Me and you have something in common. I too have the inability to experience orgasm. I didn't mention this in my post cuz I thought it was kind of un related, but it's something I've been dealing with for the past 6 years. Before that I had a HUGE sex  drive. I think that just came from being 17 years old. Then on October 2010 that all changed. I was masterbating and right before I was about to have a really huge orgasm, I kind of squeezed my head together in hopes of lowering the intensity of the orgasm (I was scared I was gonna pass out or have a heart attack or something) and then BAM. I ejaculated with no sense of pleasure. I was in shock. I was convinced that I broke something in my brain that controls the feeling of orgasm. I know that sounds crazy as hell but it's true. The next day I noticed that I was mentally unable to get aroused. I would look at something or someone who before would turn me on and nothing. Ever since then, I lack sexual attraction and feel no pleasure from orgasm. A condition that's known as "sexual anhedonia", which has no cure  :/

Aside from this, I have other severe mental problems. I don't really think I've been properly diagnosed with what I have tho. I honestly think probably some sort of schizophrenia or maybe even border line personality disorder. But that'd just a self diagnosis. I see a psychiatrist monthly and I've tried probably every single anti depressant in the market to no avail. I'm currently on zoloft but it's not really working. I'm just like a walking emotionless robot. And this anxiety of my penis had just been making evithing worse latley. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just wanna die :/

[Lantrier]

Welcome to my world emed27. Me to I can't have have orgasm, and even better, I can't sense anything from my penis at all. I have this condition from as long as I can remember (when I was born). This cause me depression and feeling of sadness. And me to I have tried a lot of medications from my psychiatrist and nothing seems to work unfortunalty. I'm feeling like a zombie all the time. Courage, one day we're going to get better, I hope.

[Victimorthecrime]

7 hours ago, lifelongvirgin said:

Not really. Not any more. I did when I was younger in my 20's and 30's. I did things and went places. Can't say I had many friends but I did go places on my own. Most of my time was spent in my room alone listening to music or watching TV and movies. I really just did things as distractions from feeling frustrated. But now even those things don't work anymore. I rarely get to speak to people and that makes it even harder to talk to them when a situation comes up. I do talk to people when I have to but even then I'm not real talkative. I don't have much of a life so there's not much to talk about.

Holy mackerel that's sounds a lot like my life dude.  Growing up I spent a lot of time alone in my room listening to music, watching TV, reading books, daydreaming, etc. 

I have two real friends that I see a couple times a month and I know a ton of people from Facebook that like to hang out in bars but that's not my scene. 

Believe or not I am pretty happy lately, a few things are working for me but I have learned the hard way to keep my mouth shut about the specifics.  I enjoy time alone. Gives me a chance to think and do whatever I want.  

[emed27]

Lantrier: Damn bro, it sucks doesn't it? I think it sucks a little more for me because I have serious mental health issues on top of everything else. Can I ask u a question?  Have u ever thought about suicide? I am asking cuz I have thoughts about that daily. Was just wondering since we were somewhat in the same boat if u feel the same.

And also, do u have a sex drive? Do u still have sexual attraction towards people? And out of curiosity, what's the exact medical name for the condition you were born with?

[IrmaJean]

@emed27 

@Lantrier Have either or both of you been checked out medically? Maybe there is something that can be done? When physical sensations are absent, this does seem to have an effect on the entire arousal system.

Emed, I think that medication can be helpful to some, but it could possibly be more effective when used in conjuction with talk therapy. I'm sorry you're feeling so down.

@VictimorthecrimeI'm glad to hear you've been feeling well. I also hope you feel free enough to share if you would like to.

Wishing everyone well.

[Lantrier]

I don't have a sex drive: I have never had one during all my life. No libido, no sexual attraction, no arousal, no sensations, nothing, i'm literally dead. I don't know what is the name of my condition: I don't think it exist one. I'am going to see a doctor next week to talk about that, so maybe it will help and take some blood test, and maybe I am going to try some medications for this problem, who knows, it could help.

I don't think about suicide, but my life is still very bad. I still have some hope that one day it's going to be better, but I have to be lucky.

[robert]

On 7/1/2016 at 11:46 AM, Lantrier said:

I don't have a sex drive: I have never had one during all my life. No libido, no sexual attraction, no arousal, no sensations, nothing, i'm literally dead. I don't know what is the name of my condition: I don't think it exist one. I'am going to see a doctor next week to talk about that, so maybe it will help and take some blood test, and maybe I am going to try some medications for this problem, who knows, it could help.

I don't think about suicide, but my life is still very bad. I still have some hope that one day it's going to be better, but I have to be lucky.

stay strong, bro.

[TimmyStan1967]

Hi....Fellow 4.5" penis guy here.  I feel you pain at the work place.  I have worked in the same place for many years and the conversations get very sexual and some of the women I do and have worked with have no problems sharing their disappointing small penis dates or former lovers.   I have had more than one coworker loudly proclaim they have ended relationships because of a small penis and they all just laugh.  These insensitive cunts act as if we lined up one day and said "Yes I will take the small penis please," as if it were a choice.  I just wished these women knew the horrors they caused me just having to listen to them.  I wished women had an equivalent body part shaming experience.  I mean some women get self conscious with small boobs and there are guys who don't like them but there are plenty who do...but you never hear of a group of women who like small penises.

[LaLa]

 

10 hours ago, TimmyStan1967 said:

 I just wished these women knew the horrors they caused me just having to listen to them.

It's been years that I've been telling myself this, mainly in the context of education. Why there's not as much awareness about SPS as about, for instance, the gay rights and the rape culture; why don't we see educational campaigns about SPS and related issues, why isn't this part of the curriculum at schools??  

I presume it's because the men who suffer from this don't want to speak publicly, don't want to initiate such campaigns because they don't want to be associated with this topic; they don't want people "to know about them..." And the men who aren't concerned don't do it probably because of similar reasons; they would be perceived as "having SPS" themselves, so they are silent. The only solution I see it that women have to do it. But then their partners would face the same "prejudices" and "unwanted publicity". So... single women? It's getting more complicated  . I don't know how to tackle it. Perhaps old men who've suffered all their lives and who don't care anymore about what women think about their size!? 

I've been thinking about writing an article about this topic myself, but... I really feel uncomfortable about the people who know me supposing that my husband "has this problem" (he doesn't, BTW, but I wouldn't mind at all if his size was even a half or a third of the actual size; I can guarantee you this).

10 hours ago, TimmyStan1967 said:

but you never hear of a group of women who like small penises.

Well; I've never heard about such "group", but I know such preference exists. I think finding a partner like that should be easier on a dating-site where you disclose your size and then know that anybody who contacts you is OK with it.

10 hours ago, TimmyStan1967 said:

I wished women had an equivalent body part shaming experience.

It occurred to me only now that... there is in fact something that could be compared - and not the typical "small boobs argument" that every man refuses! Even two different things: Think of female circumcision. A dreadful thing with dreadful consequences. I know it's not very frequent "in the wester world" (-probably only "few" immigrants are affected), but it's a huge issue around the globe. Although in the cultures where it's a common practice, the men don't care and don't perceive it as something to worry about (-"why would one want to have a women who can experience pleasure?"). But if such woman immigrates and would like to marry a man from another culture, this may be a similar problem because... most (???) "western" men care if they can please a woman or not and if she's experiencing much pain or not... I know it's not related to shaming, but... it's an example that there are some feminine intimate issues that are very dreadful and don't have "a male counterpart"...

Second example: Do you know that there are many women who experience intensive pain during intercourse (and often also after as well as at unrelated times)?? (Those would prefer "a small size man", I'm quite sure...) It can literally end a marriage - just listen to this interview to get a picture of how it can be to live with it (this is only about one of many possible reasons for such pains!!!) - I really recommend it to everybody (not just men):

http://www.cbc.ca/radio/q/schedule-for-thursday-march-10-2016-1.3484733/outsider-padma-lakshmi-claims-her-place-at-the-table-1.3484737 

Quote

...disease afflicting 1 in every 10 women in the United States and costing the nation an estimated $119 billion annually. Many women struggle in silence, not even knowing they have it.

Well; there's still a lot humanity has to learn, including too many issues about men and women that remain so painfully underestimated, unknown, or misunderstood.  

[CNL]

I have a close female friend who ended up contracting herpes and her emotional distress over it reminded me a lot of SPS. She'd made fun of an ex with a small dick before and I had to stop and ask myself if I felt happy, on any level, that she was experiencing something close to SPS.  The answer I came to was complete indifference. Other people understanding or not, ridiculing or not, has absolutely nothing to do with the core of this problem and how I handle it in my head. Perhaps that's another impediment to any kind of SPS education initiative or whatever the fuck you would call it. There's no real solution to work towards. There's nothing inherently negative about belonging to a particular race or being gay, so you can take pride in it. The whole world could "accept" small dicks tomorrow and I still wouldn't take pride in knowing that most other dicks stimulate pussy better than mine.

But then maybe I'm lying to myself a little bit. I do want rude women like that to know they fuck us up. They deserve to feel bad about themselves at the very least. It doesn't affect my quality of life but fuck it. I want them to feel bad and get in a fucking car accident while they're at it.

And I think you should write the article if your husband doesn't mind; you could ask him.

[LaLa]

Yes, STD can be another example, but those are not restricted to women.

You see; this anger / rage is something that I imagine could be avoided "in the ideal world": If women would understand and wouldn't shame men, then those men wouldn't feel the way you did when you wrote those lines full of strong language...

I don't say it would make SPS disappear because I think it's (the syndrome itself) a mental disorder linked to obsession (and self-esteem issues) and this doesn't depend on the opinions of the public. But it would bring a better starting point to finding new, pleasant ways to enjoy a relationship with a man with a smaller size - and that would be, I suppose, better for everybody.

 

19 minutes ago, CNL said:

And I think you should write the article if your husband doesn't mind; you could ask him.

It's true; I haven't asked him, so... there's still a chance...

Edited July 10, 2016 by LaLa

[TimmyStan1967]

La La.....I made a post about what you said when I first joined the group.  Why don't we ever see this subject discussed on talk shows like Dr Phil?  It's obviously a real problem.  Throughout out the years it's always women who were victims of having to live up to the mainly flawless women in porn that we had to hear about, yet never a talk show that discusses the total emotional defeat of a man who much suffer from the effects of small penis shamming.  It's even made it to sit coms.  I saw an episode of a sit com where one woman discusses a date and insinuated he was was hung like one of those very small dill pickles.  Oh that was so funny and it just reinforced that a man with a small penis is a worthless commodity in the dating world. 

[LaLa]

 

I wonder how people can think this is funny. Even those who don't know about the suffering it causes. But, well; people are able to laugh at many things I don't consider funny at all, so... that's an unnecessary "question"  ...

[Jessie]

On 9 July 2016 at 10:56 PM, LaLa said:

 

I've been thinking about writing an article about this topic myself, but... I really feel uncomfortable about the people who know me supposing that my husband "has this problem" (he doesn't, BTW, but I wouldn't mind at all if his size was even a half or a third of the actual size; I can guarantee you this).

Well; I've never heard about such "group", but I know such preference exists. I think finding a partner like that should be easier on a dating-site where you disclose your size and then know that anybody who contacts you is OK with it.

- I understand why you wouldnt wish to suggest your husband is small.

that would effect his social standing and would cause him great shame and humiliation

you would also worry that your friends thought less of him- these things are important to people.

- Im not sure you can guarantee you wouldn't mind your partner bring a 1/3 of his size.

For a start HE would be different person. Being a 1/3 of his size I assume would make him nearly micro penis- that would have devastating effects from a young age.

He might have commitied suicide before you met him or he would have become highly introverted, He would have different life experiences- he would be a different person.

- Also if he were a 1/3 the size you would not have enjoyable penetration - assuming you enjoy sex with him that would have an effect on your sex life and then your relationship.

- as to web sites it would be difficult to set up a 'small dick' site as any men joining it sets themselves up for exposure and humiliation. Also I just cannot see women wanting to join such a site. Its not a commecially viable.

[Resolute]

@jessie, you sound like quite the determinist (if you are, welcome to the club).

[LaLa]

I didn't mean a special website, just a normal dating site where people could also disclose, if they wish so, this info. But... it would have to be anonymous = without photo and that would be, I assume, problematic on a standard dating site, so... yes; it wasn't a good idea. But a special dating site, as you described it, could exist it the users were anonymous there. But yes; men would probably feel too vulnerable to join it anyway  .

I'm sorry; I don't want to discuss my intimate life here (I'm still a little bit wary and trying to stay discrete here because there are people I know in person who know about my presence "on an internet forum" and so I choose what I post about myself publicly). But I'd like to remark that although quite logical, your thoughts about my relationship/marriage are nothing more than assumptions and cannot come close to the truth because you lack much information. I know knowing my own experiences couldn't make any difference in your of anybody else's life, I just tried to suggest there are also people who look at things differently, have different preferences and different issues. Sorry if it's totally useless without the personal details.