Why we think a certain way.

[Miracle]

Hi Mental Support Community,

English isn't my native language.

Just want to share some things about me that might help some of you. I was diagnosed with major depression and schizoid personality disorder.

I always tought that my childhood traumas (for example severe bullying in school), had created my personality and way of thinking. It was as if my traumatic memories had remained stuck in some abstract part of my brain, causing distortions in how I perceived the things that happened around me and the reaction to certan stimuli.

When I was 30 years old, my psychiatrist (the first competent one), suggested I do a Brain Spect.

Brain spect:

"A single-photon emission computerized tomography (SPECT) scan lets your doctor analyze the function of some of your internal organs. A SPECT scan is a type of nuclear imaging test, which means it uses a radioactive substance and a special camera to create 3-D pictures.

While imaging tests such as X-rays can show what the structures inside your body look like, a SPECT scan produces images that show how your organs work. For instance, a SPECT scan can show how blood flows to your heart or what areas of your brain are more active or less active."

The most common uses of SPECT are to help diagnose or monitor brain disorders, heart problems and bone disorders.

Brain disorders

SPECT can be helpful in determining which parts of the brain are being affected by:

• Dementia
• Clogged blood vessels
• Seizures
• Epilepsy
• Head injuries

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3149839/

https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSHOTuVENu11e5tH47mEvFgxLUyfrteCtX5i8PW0kz1WLlMFjLPuA It is just an example, not my exam. For example, blue areas in the brain indicate very abnormaly low blood irrigation. A normal brain would show as a gray color. My exam showed blue areas too.

My brain spect showed that I have brain hypoperfusion (less blood irrigation to certain areas of my brain). After all these years of uncertainty, I had tangible proof of what was happening inside my brain.

My theory is that our brain, when faced against very traumatic problems that we aren't able to solve, shuts certain parts of it (thus decreasing by a considerable margin the brain activity associated with that brain area) by sending abnormaly low blood irrigation to the brain areas being affected by the problematic stimuli.

I have started taking some medication to increase the blood flow to my brain, so I can regain my "hidden" social skills that were shut down by my brain when I was bullied, by having very reduced blood flow to areas of my brain responsible of social interactions.

Another theory I have is that it is futile trying to change how we think if our brain is being affected by some tangible disorder, like low blood irrigation. I lost a lot of years trying to change how I perceived things. It is a futile never ending circle. Now that I have started my medication, my brain has been slowly changing certain rigid thinking that it had, by itself. Also trying to leave the confort area and trying new things has helped me. When doing a new activity, it seems that its more important being able to confront our fears and complete the activity's goals than the results we get out of the activity. Results take a second place, more important for us is gathering the strenght and resolve to finish and not quit the activity that put us outside our confort area. This is what gives us self confidence. Try to do our best no matter the results.

I have to go for now, I hope I can be a bit of help.

 

[Victimorthecrime]

Hey Miracle glad you are doing better w the help of medication and I wish you continued improvement. 

I am extremely skeptical about psychiatry.  I will leave it at that.  But listen - do what works for you.  We are all individuals. Corporations, governments and the elites that run them will hang labels on us for their own purposes, namely: pacification and control.  My advice: don't listen to them. Be yourself, live your life.  

[Miracle]

Just now, Victimorthecrime said:

Hey Miracle glad you are doing better w the help of medication and I wish you continued improvement. 

I am extremely skeptical about psychiatry.  I will leave it at that.  But listen - do what works for you.  We are all individuals. Corporations, governments and the elites that run them will hang labels on us for their own purposes, namely: pacification and control.  My advice: don't listen to them. Be yourself, live your life.  

Hi Victimorthecrime, thank you for your kind wishes.

Let me clarify that I'm very selective about which medication I start to use. In my situation, I can see in a few days, if the med is gonna have a positive or negative global effect.

I have tried a lot of meds, but finally settled only on one antidepressant that has worked miracles for me, bupropion. This med makes me do things, even if a bit "automatic"; I'm being able to confront some of my fears, and do new thngs I would never have even considered with my old mindset.

To treat my hypoperfusion, I'm using ginkgo biloba. 

I found this interesting site: http://www.me-ireland.com/treat/11.htm : " Treatments for Brain hypoperfusion, Brain Lesions, Neuroinflammation, Excess NMDA activity and other Neurological abnormalities"

Hypoperfusion and Brain circulation

• Ginkgo Biloba has been found to improve blood circulation in the brain and some cognitive functions. 
• Vinpocetine can improve blood circulation in the brain and some cognitive functions.
• Micro circulation abnormalities
  Some ME patients have benefitted from Vitamin B12 injections, with does ranging from 4,000 to 6000 mcg per day. This along with omega 3 fatty acids and magnesium resolves the abnormal blood cell structure commonly found in ME patients according to studies by Mukherjee and Simpson
  Simpson LO. Myalgic encephalomyelitis. Letter. J R Soc Med 1991;84:633.
• Protection of blood vessels from oxidative damage
  • Anthocyanins and foods containing anthocyanins such as blueberries, cherries, blackberries, elderberries, bilberries, chokeberries (highest anthocyanin content), black raspberries. The herb buckwheat also protects blood vessels from oxidative damage.
  • Olive leaf extract / Olive leaf soups have strong antioxidant effects. They are protective of the blood vessels and the blood.
  • Taking antioxidant herbs, vitamins, minerals and supplements in one's diet can protect the blood vessels from oxidative damage over time.
  • Arginine is required for nitric oxide production 
    Scientific Research
    Arginine benefits 
  • Ginkgo Biloba protects blood vessels and produces nitric oxide
    Scientific Research
    Ginko benefits
• Omega-3 fatty acids
• The special Treatment Protocols of Dr. Martin Pall

[Victimorthecrime]

Oh yeah I am familiar w all these supplements ginkgo, olive leaf, arginine etc and I take a fair amount of vitamin/herbal supplements myself even though I am not convinced they do any good. The results of scientific studies are mixed.  But, speaking for myself I figure it's worth a shot to take a few things that I have researched well and have been taking for years.  I should really empasize diet and exercise more but my history is to be inconsistent in that regard. 

What other positive results of your regimen have you seen Miracle?  Are you able to work or be in relationships or pursue hobbies or what? 

[Miracle]

Just now, Victimorthecrime said:

Oh yeah I am familiar w all these supplements ginkgo, olive leaf, arginine etc and I take a fair amount of vitamin/herbal supplements myself even though I am not convinced they do any good. The results of scientific studies are mixed.  But, speaking for myself I figure it's worth a shot to take a few things that I have researched well and have been taking for years.  I should really empasize diet and exercise more but my history is to be inconsistent in that regard. 

What other positive results of your regimen have you seen Miracle?  Are you able to work or be in relationships or pursue hobbies or what? 

Hmm perhaps those supplements give a subtle yet cumulative effect, but I think I needed something strong to shake myself, bupropion. Bupropion, is for me, the med that makes the big change so the supplements can act in a more effective way.

I'm very skeptical about meds too, but I have to admit that this antidepressant changed my life for the better.

I also exercise 4-5 days a week, going to the gym. I'm in very good condition and am planning on hiring a personal trainer. Exercise is a another big contributor in my mental health. It helps me reduce stress and its something you have control of. One can see the improvements, fast. Helps self steem.

I have been doing things that I find funny a guy with mild schizoid personality disorder would even tought about doing. Last week I had a threesome with two escorts (no gf, and not able to have one yet), also attending a dancing academy (imagine all the extroversion, body expression, "happiness", being with 15 more people in a small room etc) as a challenge for me and I hope this can traduce in having a deep positive efect on my personality.

The hard part for me is relationships. I was isolated for a lot of years, with minimum social interaction. I'm planning on paying a girl so she goes with me to "provocative" social places: restaurants, disco, cinema etc.

 

[Klingsor]

Hi miracle, thanks for the post. I wish I had the motivation to exercise and go to the gym. I've spent close to probably 5k$ on gym memberships the past 7-8 years and spent collectively probably 40 hours inside one my entire life (voluntarily). I get discouraged watching everyone else then my social anxiety kicks in so I get pissed off and go home and don't go back. What a loser piece of shit I am. I'd give anything to be big and muscular and be able to clobber people just for the hell of it.

[Miracle]

Just now, Pax said:

Hi miracle, thanks for the post. I wish I had the motivation to exercise and go to the gym. I've spent close to probably 5k$ on gym memberships the past 7-8 years and spent collectively probably 40 hours inside one my entire life (voluntarily). I get discouraged watching everyone else then my social anxiety kicks in so I get pissed off and go home and don't go back. What a loser piece of shit I am. I'd give anything to be big and muscular and be able to clobber people just for the hell of it.

Hi Pax, thanks for reading this.

I believe crohn's disease is whats holding you back. Perhaps there is some light in one of these articles?:

http://scholar.google.cl/scholar_url?url=https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Lawrence_Brandt/publication/16113666_Metronidazole_therapy_for_Crohn's_disease_A_follow-up_study/links/56b8b3bb08ae5ad3605f4f84.pdf&hl=es&sa=X&scisig=AAGBfm3Z5vm-fhz806eXS-Q_judOgch1wg&nossl=1&oi=scholarr&ved=0ahUKEwjYnPPB9o3RAhXGQ5AKHSDmCKsQgAMIGSgAMAA

http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa051586#t=article

http://journals.lww.com/jcge/Abstract/1997/12000/Crohn_s_Disease_and_Escherichia_coli__A_New.21.aspx

http://www.healthline.com/health-news/FDA-approves-new-drug-entyvio-colitis-crohns-052114#3

 

 

[Klingsor]

Thank you for that kind post, Miracle. It's primarily diet that helps keep inflammation at bay, and the diet itself is not conducive to 'bulking'. And malabsorption is simply a fact of my life. I'm sure I could get very toned if I wanted, but it's not what I want. I've always been scrawny. It's mostly watching the meat heads work out that makes me feel like shit. I wish a barbell would crush them sometimes. It doesn't matter. I just commented because it's something I hate about myself, not trying to hijack thread. I'm going to try to do cardio more regularly.

[Klingsor]

P.S. I was presribed bupropion about 12 years ago, and of all the psychiatric medication I've taken during my life (aside from anti-anxiety meds), bupropion seemed to have the most potential. At least, if I had given it a chance and not simply quit, I think it could have helped me because I noticed perceptible changes in my mood. But Klingsor conquered, and I poured them all in the toilet. 

[Miracle]

Just now, Pax said:

P.S. I was presribed bupropion about 12 years ago, and of all the psychiatric medication I've taken during my life (aside from anti-anxiety meds), bupropion seemed to have the most potential. At least, if I had given it a chance and not simply quit, I think it could have helped me because I noticed perceptible changes in my mood. But Klingsor conquered, and I poured them all in the toilet. 

This reminds me of when I was still punishing myself (even when I was the victim). I might be wrong, but it seems that we punish ourselves because we feel frustrated. In my situation, the bullying and some other bad experiences made me have very low social skills. Having very low social skills means for me no girlfriend. This has been a huge source of frustration for me, because I compare myself with others.

Bullies were the victimizers, but we punish ourselves for the lack of certain skills that make us frustrated. It is as if we didn't deserve to be happy (to this day, I'm scared of being happy), of course it's not true. It's a cognitive disorder.

Also I used to be very ocd, perfectionist. This ocd vanished the day I said: Even tough I'm a victim, I still forgive myself. I deserve to be ok, and will not accept toughts that make me feel depressed.

I say all of this because you were seeing improvements in your mood with that med, but you choose to quit (why?).

This med makes me do things, and also makes me think less of the consequences (usually pesimistic, unreal toughts). So I wonder what is best, think a lot but do nothing, or think less and do more/new things? 

I would never think about your contributions as thread hijacking, to the contrary. You are smart.

This time I hope Pax conquers.

[Small]

Miracle, I have enjoyed reading your posts. I hope you to continue to write here. 

[Miracle]

13 hours ago, Small said:

Miracle, I have enjoyed reading your posts. I hope you to continue to write here. 

Thank you Small, I will try to continue posting my experiences.