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Bit of pre-summer anxiety...


YOTH

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Today was a warm day. It kind of shook me out of my winter mindset and reminded me of how uncomfortable and embarrassing summer has been for me over the years. I'm determined not to let myself become the negative time consuming head case that has greeted me in previous summers. I'm in a better place mentally than I've ever been and I love myself, small cock and all. But I'm not pretending that I'm all good all the time, because I have my ups and downs. Summer is a real pisser for me, and personally I wish it wasn't. I'd love to power through with confidence and what have you, but I'm feeling a bit apprehensive about the whole thing. I love sunny days, they're great, but I've put off so many trips/walks/days out/nights out because of my bulge that I couldn't count them if I tried. I just can't for the life of me figure out what's wrong with my fucking bulge. It looks so flat, it slopes off into nothing. I look at people all around me and they're completely comfortable with themselves and look normal and I have to scratch my head. What the fuck is wrong with me? Is it really too much to ask to find a solution to this problem? I don't want to bang on about my problems, but these last few weeks I've been feeling a bit blue. Nothing I can't go through the middle of, but the thought of summer is stressful at best. I don't know what to do with myself tbh, it's a real head fuck. 

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I think anytime there is positive change, it's somewhat vulnerable, especially at first. You're growing into new skin in a way...to be accepting of and loving with yourself. So it's sort of like the tender new leaves on a tree in the springtime, I think. It's easier for the strong winds and rain to hurt the new growth, but in time, the new leaves will become stronger and less vulnerable.

It has been like this for me over the past years. Sometimes my old fears pop up and I hear my insecure inner voice play up again. I can find myself back in a dark place, but each time I can also find my way back out into the light. And every time I do, it gets a little bit easier to dig myself out of the hole the next time. I know now that I can find the light again, that this space is only temporary, and build on feelings of self confidence and feeling okay with myself.

I think it's important too to acknowledge and listen to all of our feelings so it's good that you expressed yourself. How can you care for yourself now in the space you are in? If another member had posted what you just posted, what would you say to them, how would you show them care? Maybe then offer this to yourself? 

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1 hour ago, IrmaJean said:

I think anytime there is positive change, it's somewhat vulnerable, especially at first. You're growing into new skin in a way...to be accepting of and loving with yourself. So it's sort of like the tender new leaves on a tree in the springtime, I think. It's easier for the strong winds and rain to hurt the new growth, but in time, the new leaves will become stronger and less vulnerable.

It has been like this for me over the past years. Sometimes my old fears pop up and I hear my insecure inner voice play up again. I can find myself back in a dark place, but each time I can also find my way back out into the light. And every time I do, it gets a little bit easier to dig myself out of the hole the next time. I know now that I can find the light again, that this space is only temporary, and build on feelings of self confidence and feeling okay with myself.

I think it's important too to acknowledge and listen to all of our feelings so it's good that you expressed yourself. How can you care for yourself now in the space you are in? If another member had posted what you just posted, what would you say to them, how would you show them care? Maybe then offer this to yourself? 

It's bizarre. I have to be honest and admit that I'll probably always suffer from Inadequacy issues due to my bulge. It's not something that is felt on the inside, but it's an issue that crops up more than anything else. I think it's the damn inconvenience of it all. And I don't think I'll ever get over that look someone gives you, where all their respect for you as a man floats off like a fart, and that smug, gormless grin appears on their face like they just found out their cock had grown a couple of inches overnight without them realising. As you can imagine I had another experience and it wasn't pretty. I'll forgive it in time, but for now it's raw. I don't want to sully the positive with negative, but it's the reality we're living in unfortunately, and it'll have to be properly processed. I just want to be honest with people. I do love myself, that's important, and I love everyone in here going through this crap, they don't deserve to be unhappy. But I can't deny the old thoughts, because they do resurface from time to time. But summer isn't easy for me, it's not magically disappeared as a source of anxiety. Thanks for your advice, I sometimes have to remind myself to be kind to myself. But every now and again my baggage blindsides me. ☮

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