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Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction (PIED)


Klingsor

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@Pax i think there is a huge difference between jerking it to swimsuit pics and hardcore porn. The difference is intensity. Like chewing coca leaves for a light buzz vs doing lines of blow or smoking crack. 

For a long time i could only get off if i was fantasizing about cuckolding or sph. I even broke up with a great girl to pursue that lifestyle with a messed up little skank. I couldn't get it up for the great one. But the skank just had to snicker about my size or start talking about her ex's big dick and i was rock hard. It's super triggering to even talk about it. Two cuckolding relationships later, and after countless hookups with dominant men, I sought help from a therapist, and i am in sex addicts anonymous. I'm in a "normal" relationship now, have two kids, and a life many envy. I still have a small dick though. I still feel like i'm a boy and not a man. And sometimes i still feel helpless, like i have to go act out these morbid fantasies. A powerful part of me believes it's who i truly am. But it's not. And if i can make it through today, that's enough. I can work on tomorrow tomorrow.

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1 hour ago, Lodz said:

So, needless to say, swimsuit pics do nothing for me, like they did in my teens.

I never got off on the humiliation but I'd fantasize about my Mrs with other men. But then that stopped working because she's always been loyal and we had a great sex life, so I'd put myself in a scenario where my gf was a whore (made up gf) and she'd sleep with anyone. But I'm more dominant rather than submissive so I'd fantasize that I was pimping her out. I love anything bdsm/hogtied/sadistic shit but towards women. I also get off on getting fucked by men and being the whore, but only if I was in the female role, never women dominating me. Recently I'd been only using semi regular sex and tame porn to see me through, but with my wife being pregnant I've been back on the porn and it's slowly turned bleak again. I've even been fantasizing about fat girls with low self esteem that I can use, abuse and chuck. It's a clear sign that the well is dry and I need sex haha. Crazy how old fantasies crop up again and get you back to the old porn.

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My sexuality has always been defined by a strong element of voyuerism combined with an unhealthy generalized obsession with sex. I was raised in a very insulated, conservative environment and didn't have access to anything to feed these obsessions except my own thoughts and mainstream sources of soft core sexual stimuli (tv, magazines, school). I never dated or had a sex life until I was about 24 or 25 because of a lack of confidence, at which point I dated 3 women in fairly quick succession, all ending in disaster. When I dated these women my self esteem was so low that sex with them seemed dirty or unnatural, and I hated them for submitting to me because I viewed it as an admission of desperation on their parts. So I would avoid sex with them and instead revert to porn or more often subconsciously drive them toward other men for sexual fulfillment and then masturbate on that fantasy. Although I never pursued an active cuckold lifestyle, that element was certainly there. I have severe body dysmorphia and it basically makes me find intimacy with other people revolting, the only thing that gets me off sexually is being in the role of a spectator since my participation seems unnatural. But it has to be covert, I could never overtly submit to such humiliation. 

One way I thought too describe PIED is that visual stimulation has become so strong as to overpower any other kind, to the point that tactile or olfactory sensations are blunted and somewhat suffocating. Basically I could sit in a room with an attractive woman and imagine (picture) myself having sex and be able to get off while actual participation would result in ED. That's the best way I can describe it. 

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That's a pretty clear description, makes a lot of sense. I think it's pretty clear we're in one way or another we're all fucked up just beautifully. Is it perversion if everyone except the frigid minority are doing it? It's not ideal, but needs must I suppose. Internet porn may be a place for all the worlds sexual depravity to let loose, but it's a pretty clear indication that we're all doing something or other. Whatever gets us up the hill, over it, or through it. I always remember someone telling me about why they self harm. They said it was like a build up of energy every now and again that they had to release. I feel that way about arse play when I'm alone (which I get an itch to do about once a month, maybe less). It's not necessarily linked to feeling like crap but it definitely helps. I'd never do anything like that with my wife, it'd be a huge turn off for me (I'll do it to her, just not her doing it to me). But I must admit, I'll be grateful when regular (married regular) sex is back on the cards. 

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@YahwehOrTheHighway i feel you about the pregnant wife situation. Our second kid is 5 months old now and i just got a hand job a week ago. First sexual contact since July, and it was bleak before that too. And i also feel you about the preying on fat girls with low self esteem bit. I am actually very attracted to thicker women, so it's not much of a stretch for me, but i have definitely sought out those with self esteem issues so i could feel like the prize. 

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@Lodz I wouldn't mind so much but our sex life had really been picking up momentum before she got pregnant so although I'm happy, it had become kind of nice and something to look forward to. And tbh I've only recently started to revisit old fantasies to get me off, which is a clear indication that porn is becoming my go to place for sexual pleasure rather than a lay by between having sex. But it is what it is. I must admit that my favourite mantra when jacking off to fat girl porn is 'who else would have you' type shit. Not good for the soul but it brings those good tears to my eyes nevertheless ? 

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13 hours ago, YahwehOrTheHighway said:

... my favourite mantra when jacking off to fat girl porn is 'who else would have you' type shit.

I would, YOTH. I would.  ? but no way do i look down on anyone because of their weight or appearance. I like a wide varity of body types but i very much prefer bigger girls. Funny, considering how small-all-over i am, but it's true. I also kind of worship the female form, sexually. I am entirely submissive in my deepest fantasies. And i've put women on a pedestal in other unhealthy ways as well.

I can understand how having someone beneath you can feel great though. It's just next to impossible for me to get there mentally.

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4 hours ago, Lodz said:

I can understand how having someone beneath you can feel great though. It's just next to impossible for me to get there mentally.

It's nothing more than misplaced mental grandiosity really lol. I suppose at my core (at least in fantasy) I'm a misogynist pig who truly believes women are below men on the totem pole. But I recognise that's probably debris from growing up with a step dad who was emotionally absent towards my mother. Funny what rubs off, even if just a little. Personally I'm not like that, I'm emotionally available and caring, but it's all about channeling the beast to make sure I get off. No reality needed for that. 

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My experience with PIED is a bit different than Pax's, but I agree with his warning.  I had what I'd call a more mild or incipient form of PIED.  I grew up avoiding sex out of SPS shyness, and made a horrible choice for marriage, partly based on the woman being equally sheltered like I was.  So, even though I had kids, the story of my sex life was porn for decades.  I became generally desensitized such that I rarely could orgasm without porn, and it took more and more focused effort with it.  Divorce and a new relationship with a woman started me on a path to recovery.  The thing is; on my own, without a partner whom I'm really excited to "save my mojo" for, I wouldn't be able to break out of the pattern.  The good news for me is that the ED effects have been reversed over the last few years.  I get erections at night, and I can even get erect by simply thinking about sex without touching myself.  Orgasm with my GF is a guarantee now; it was initially difficult to achieve.

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