Beast

[passionfruit3]

I realized somethings i don't care about.my life broken promises and beauty.i couldn't really do anything about life as my parents are good at hiding things but others i could fix so i burnt a part of my face not so badly but it got my lip a little. It stings a little but i like it besides the less beautiful people will hopefully not be bothered by such a beast as me that means no one can break there promise cause they wont matter

[m.allen]

What happened? It sounds like you went through a tough breakup.

Beauty is an impermanent thing and not something to worry about, but you shouldn't harm yourself as a way to prove to yourself that you don't care about it. In the end you're still caring about beauty by trying to be ugly, you need to just stop worrying about it altogether. Harming yourself is only going to make things worse, true happiness is built off being able to love & accept who you are.

If this is a breakup, I've been through a terrible one myself a long time ago. One day you will look back on it and be able to find some lesson in it and/or be able to enjoy the good that you experienced as well as the bad and/or be able to move on from it. It's ok to feel bad in this moment, but please don't do anything drastic like self-harm. I recommend you call or stay with a friend or family member who you can trust in the meantime. 

I guarantee that some point in the future you will care about your life again. I know it hurts right now, but be strong and let yourself feel this hurt in a healthy way (again, without harming yourself or others) so you can move on from it later. One day you will be able to put it behind you, but for now it is going to hurt. I'm sorry you're going through this, life sucks sometimes (trust me I know). In the meantime please don't go through it alone. Reach out to someone and talk about this.
All the best.

[passionfruit3]

My best friend since 7th Grade we got into a fight.I'm 24 now.it was really stupid.we made plans to go to the flea market cause she'd be down here were i lived in California she then changes the plan says well hang out on Thursday when the flea market is not open cause her mom wants to do bonding time.everytime she comes down either her mom wants to do bonding time .I told her why couldn't we just all ride she's like she just wants it to be just us.the problem is I know my best friend  is know she never even  asked.

And then I told her I think her mom doesn't like me cause during high school she worked at my doctors office and told my friend i had problems  cause she had looked in my file.she's like no that's not it.and then she's like you can't expect me to do things for you all the time and she's like when have I ever depended on you for  anything.I told her she sounded selfish and that I had got her and her 1st boyfriend together finally I just ignored the text Burned my face a little but not to much and my arm.mom was super freaked out this morning when she found out saying if it happened again she would leave me at the hospital and let them decide what to do with me.

My other best  friend was also supposed to be here this week but she hasn't answered my calls except once when I forgot to ask.she needs some meds cause she's depressed if I were in ohio I'd force her to take them even if she hated me though.I don't want to ruin my friendships. We have lasted so long but I'm stressed cause I feel alone.cause only two of my friends are down here one is dealing with health issues the other a one and two year old. The one with the babies has tried to include me in things and I'm thankful for her.I wish I could spend more time with the other but Im not really used to the bus.I go on the disability bus but I hate asking for money from my mom to use it.

I'm not suicidal just this craze to do damage cause it's the only way I know without commiting suicide.i also can escape thinking about what upset me the more intense the pain is.

[m.allen]

Well I'm sorry to hear that you and your friends seem like you're drifting apart right now. I think the best thing to do in this situation is just to be open with your friend about how you feel and also try to understand where you friend is coming from. Listen to them to understand why they are acting this way without getting angry at them and calling them names. 
I can see how pain can be a simple escape from your feelings, I do the same thing with movies or video games sometimes when I'm stressed out to take me away from what's happening. Ultimately the more you run from something (in this case your feelings) the stronger this thing you're running from will become and the more power it will have over you. I think what you need to do is be brave and face your bad feelings next time they come without running from them. Just sit down and let yourself feel bad for a little while, I promise you that it will suck, but the feelings will slowly fade. And the next time these feelings come in, it will suck again, but a little bit less than before. But the more you try to run from your feelings, the more you're going to have to keep running and those feelings will just become even more intense.
You should want the best thing for yourself. And that is to do the healthiest thing, which is difficult as there's no easy way out, but is best for you in the long term. Which is to talk openly to your friends about how you feel, try to empathize with how they might be feeling and allow yourself to feel sad without trying to escape it through harming yourself. If you do these things then these feelings you are experiencing won't have so much power over you as you are facing them down.

That's my advice, I wish you all the best. It might help you to read some problems other people are going through on this website to gain some perspective on your problems too.

[passionfruit3]

Thanks for answering the problem is I keep ruminating on what she said in particular when have I ever depended on you for anything.it was totally misplaced selfish and mean.I tried making up with her yesterday but she still sounded so accusatory in her statement it made me mad.and I didn't text back.my other friend i still have not heard from her and I worry about her.I want her back here cause I know she's depressed and there's a lot more drama over there than here at least from what little she has told me.I have my psychiatric appointment soon.I'm afraid she'll ask about my face and since it was done after I was hospitalized she'll try to admit me which I'm afraid of.

My friends won't listen to me and my mom is threatening to put me out if any more self harm occurs I've never felt more alone in the world.I don't know what good speaking up will do when people say something and do the opposite or don't follow through.I don't know who to trust anymore.the Internet is the only place left were i can at least reveal some of my painful secrets.my friends use to be that support its sad that we are fighting and they can no longer be that way.I hate change.

[IrmaJean]

I have done this too in the past, Passionfruit. We want for things to go well in our friendships and when something goes wrong, the mind can start spinning. :-( But, I think (hope) that I have learned now that I can only control my part in a relationship. There is no way I can know the motivations of others or what they are thinking. It's about letting go some, I think. It sounds scary, but it can actually be freeing in a way.

If you're still having a strong emotional response about what happened, maybe it would help to let the friendship breathe a bit? It might give you time to heal from the hurt and clear your mind. If later you or your friend wants to reach out, maybe things could be better between the two of you?

I'm sorry you feel alone and without support at home. I have trouble with change too. It's especially difficult to cope with changes in relationships that we value, but growing into a new space can offer new opportunities too, I think, if we're open to them.

Wishing you well. Take care.