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ThatOne

Long distance was a bad idea, again.

3 posts in this topic

It's been a while since last I posted on this forum, my life seemed to take a turn for the better. Then everything broke down again, and now I'm back to where I was about a year ago and worse.

 

I broke up with my last girlfriend about 6 or 7 months ago, maybe more I don't remember entirely. In early January I was in a deep and dark place, only reason I got up in the morning was because I wanted to have a cigarette, nothing else. University was killing me, my anxiety was at an all time high and I consider biting the bullet several times. Then a friend of mine suggested I join him and make a Discord server for only close friends and people who got along. I figured why not and joined in on it. That's where I met the most amazing woman I've ever met. For the sake of privacy let's call her E. E was everything, she was funny, cute, kind to the people she cared about and for some obscure reason she took a liking to me quite fast. One night after playing Overwatch she messaged me privately, after talking for a short bit she confessed that she had a crush on me. Me being the absolute fucking idiot I am decided to give her my time and we started talking. I quickly fell for her. Her music taste is just like mine, our taste in games, our humor everything. She is actually the most amazing woman I have ever talked to. So we started dating and have been for about 5 months now. Last week things started to change, she became more cold and distant towards me. She refused to say anything on it when I brought it up and continued to ignore me, give me one word replies where it once was long conversations. She told me I needed to not tell her I love her so much, that's fine some people don't like hearing that too much so I stopped. Then she started shutting me out even more. To the point where she doesn't bother saying good morning or good night.

 

I've been in a long distance relationship before. And we're talking properly long distance, seperate countries. Last time it ended with her thinking I was a waste of time because she met someone else, and broke it off with me a day after our one year anniversary. I was devastated, that same year I started abusing drugs and started what became a still ongoing and very self destructive lifestyle.

 

E means the world to me. And I'm scared that she has met someone else, or that she's quite simply realized I'm a waste of time. In either case, I don't think this relationship is going to last more than a few more weeks. I can't talk to her about it either, she straight up ignores me if I try to have any kind of meaningfull conversation with her. This means I have no one. I don't have anyone to turn to. I don't have friends I can turn to. She was my mountain (Yeah I know it sounds lame as fuck), she made me feel wanted and loved. Now all she does is make me want to paint a bathtub red. And I don't know why, if I knew why I'd atleast have that. But now I'm literaly just sitting here, staring at the Discord chat, hoping that she says something to me.

 

I just want someone to love me.

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Hi ThatOne. Just to add to what Vic has said, I think you deserve an explanation from her after 5 months - is there anyone else on the chat who you trust who knows her and would ask what was going on? It's a heartaching situation, but this cold, distant behaviour is now sadly another aspect of this 'amazing' person - better in many ways to find out after months rather than years. Be as kind to yourself as possible now, don't blame yourself in any way, you were just offering love.

Victimorthecrime likes this

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