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CheldonMK

Emotional Abuse Is Ruining My Relationship With My Family

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Even though I love my parents and sister very much, they're emotional abuse and neglect is just too much. Ever since I was little, they would try to control my emotions. I only had a set way on how to feel, because anything else was not acceptable. I even have gotten punished for being sad, upset, or angry. My mom would yell at me and start to hit me. She'd threaten me into not feeling the undesired emotion. My sister always tried to control my feelings by ordering me to either feel something else or go feel it out of sight of others. My dad never cared, he would just laugh at me. This caused me to become very self-destructive as I became an adult. I won't go into details about that.

I can't talk about my feelings as all, or else they get mad at me, laugh at me, or brush it off like it's nothing. If someone is bothering me, they ask me what I did to them. If something is bothering me, I'm told to "get over it" "let it go" "you need to process that"  "grow some balls". Sometimes they even EXPECT me to get angry and tell me that what they're gonna say is going to make me mad. How? I don't even know what they're going to say.

I'm often being told how to feel and when to feel it. "Don't get mad" "cool it" "Get over yourself" "stop crying" "go mope somewhere else" "stop sulking". Now I get so angry when people try to tell me what to do with my emotions. I often tell them, "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"

"Why are you getting so defensive?" Because I don't like being told how to feel and when to feel it. I'm sick of it.

It's almost like every other emotion besides happiness is inconvenient to them when it comes from me. I just keep them to myself. I don't cry in front of them anymore because they get mad at me for it. I don't even tell them that their teasing hurts me anymore. Because they don't care. They only care if they think it's going to make them look bad. I tried to educate them but they just aren't having it. I don't know what to do anymore. It's like they want me to think my emotions are bad and that I should be ashamed of them. 

I'm at my wit's end, people. Even though the physical abuse stopped years ago, the verbal and emotional abuse hasn't stopped. It hurts me because these are the people I need support from the most. But I have to hide my emotions from them. All because they don't like it. I even hide my feelings from my friends and coworkers because I don't want to bother them with my feelings. I feel like my feelings bother people. Now I feel like my only outlets are my blog and my journal. 

I need to get away from these people. :(:sfun_banghead::image:

 

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Cheldon, I'm sorry you have been living in this kind of environment. We all need healthy spaces to express ourselves. It's okay to feel what you feel. I think you did an excellent job here expressing your feelings. I hear your frustration, pain, and anger. It sounds as though you have good awareness of your needs. It's good that you want to take care with you. Is there a way to get some space from your family?


 

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15 hours ago, IrmaJean said:

Cheldon, I'm sorry you have been living in this kind of environment. We all need healthy spaces to express ourselves. It's okay to feel what you feel. I think you did an excellent job here expressing your feelings. I hear your frustration, pain, and anger. It sounds as though you have good awareness of your needs. It's good that you want to take care with you. Is there a way to get some space from your family?


 

I usually stay in my room so I won't be bothered. But I don't really have any other "safe space" so to speak. 

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