How to overcome negative attitudes?

[LonelyGuy]

Like I said in my first few posts this issue I have with my size is really keeping me from finding a woman that wants to be with me, some people have told me that I give off a negative vibe and that keeps the women from coming to me. I don't know if it's just that obvious to people when they see me or what but I've been told that "You just don't like yourself and women see this and it turns them off, you lack self confidence" I would like to change this but I have trouble accepting myself the way that I am and fighting my insecurities is a constant battle. What can I do to gain more self confidence and make women be more attracted to me?

[nearlydead]

What can I do to gain more self confidence and make women be more attracted to me?

1) Work on the mental. The only real thing any of us small men can do is to change our mental condition. If you have a negative attitude you hace to change it. Check out some CBT. Change your thoughts, changes your feelings, changes your vibe.

2) The best you can be. If you need to lose wieght and get fit then do it. Losing wieght will reduce the fat pad above your penis making more visible. You wont be out of breath after 5 minutes of vigouros sex, you will build confidence in your general body image both clother and naked. It helps with depression, by releasing endorphins, giving you a goal, and releiveing stress. I've been on a diet since december, doing body wieght excercise and riding a stationary bike for up to 30 mins per day. I have not been strict with the diet, but I have stuck to the excercise. I have lost at least 25lbs and totally changed the shape of my body. But it gives you the kick up the arse you need.

3) Grooming. buy some new clothes, keep them and yourself clean, trim your hair nails and pubic hair.

4) Get some game. If you completely useless at aprroaching or talking to women check out some of the PUA stuff. Most of its juvenile crud but its a better place to start than zero. Build up some confidence in chatting to women by joining a dating site and chat on line, then date a few, then shag a few.

1. CBT change your attitude to life and yourself.

http://www.livinglifetothefull.com/

2. lose wieght and or get fit.

http://bodyforlife.com/

3. grooming. google FHM magazine etc.

4. get game. google PUA

CBT is the most important part, it will change your attitude and give you the impotus to do the other stuff.

Keep posting here and let us know more about your views on your problem. We all seem to share several trains of thought and the same behaviour problems. Which must mean some parts of the cure are the same for all of us.

[LonelyGuy]

Thank you for all your help and suggestions ND I will look into the things you told me about. I was wondering if my size is the root of my insecurities or if it's just a symptom, Maybe my insecurities are rooted in something much deeper then my penis size. :confused:

[nearlydead]

The pro's would suggest that is the case. To them it is not the event, but how we as individuals react to the event (small penis). As some small men never have a problem and live happily as if it were nothing at all.

CBT is the first thing to get going on with. Good luck, let us know what you think of it.

[LonelyGuy]

I wish I could afford to go to a sex surrogate as I feel it would be good for me to become more comfortable with my body and with women.

It might help me to overcome my anxiety and be more relaxed with the way my body is.

[IrmaJean]

Not all women are judgmental about a man's body, Lonely Guy. Some, such as myself, would consider it a gift that a man would be willing to share himself. In fact some women may even feel insecure about their own bodies. The true meaning of physical intimacy would be that it is an act of sharing, acceptance and love and not about performance or judgments. (my idealist perspective)

I've been wondering some about this and don't know if it is really applicable to this thread or not...but how do any of you feel about women in general? What are your thoughts?

[D Dub]

I actually like women for the most part. I respect women for standing up for their rights and kicking ass in the process. Even though most women would not accept me and probably degrade me over my issue, I try not to let that cloud my judgment. Most women are filled with love and compassion. I don't blame women for not accepting me the way I am. I blame the media and porn and whoever else that brainwashes our society into thinking small men are just not acceptable. But even if there wasn't brain washing going on, I still think women to some extint would still be heisitant in accepting us.

[Guest ASchwartz]

D Dub,

Decent, loving and empathetic women would never degrade you. Yes, there are always those people who can be quite mean. Remember something that was pointed out here in the past: A man needs just one woman who is loving and accepting and that is all that matters.

Allan

[nearlydead]

9 out of 10 women will not dump us over the size of our penis. Every woman I have slept with has come back for more. Even the ones who then went on to tell the world about my size. We can even find women who would have children with us.

All people with congenital defects should think long and hard about breeding. I personally decided that breeding is not an option because my happiness is not worth my unborn's unhappiness.

We are mostly brought up on the idea that human life is something special and that breeding is an essentail part of the human expeirence. I think this perspective is mainly a result of religious doctrines and efforts to expand races, nation states etc, from a time when infant mortality was much much higher than it is now.

However, in the 21st century with modern farming methods, medical advances, and structured societys infant mortality has increased to the point where now, the children who are born today in the west are likely to be livning untill they are 110+ by which time the earths population will be between 18 and 20 billion depending on how we in the west address poverty in the 3rd world.

Those of us with congenital defects would be doing the world and our unborn a huge favour by adopting children rather than breeding.

[IrmaJean]

ND, I understand what you're getting at here, but I'm not sure we should assume that every person might have the same type of response to their own unique challenges. Just last week I saw a little girl on a television special. She is somewhere around 6 years old and had been born without hands or feet. This little girl was vivacious and smiling from ear to ear while she was out in the ocean surfing. Amazing kid without a doubt. I would hate to think that if her parents suspected she might be born with genetic defects that they might have denied her the chance at life. And what of my parents? If they had stopped having children after my brother's diagnosis, I wouldn't be here typing right now. The possibility of genetic defects doesn't mean it will definitely happen either. Life is a crapshoot sometimes. Having kids at all is kind of like rolling the dice...you never truly know what type of person they might potentially become...and that is part of the beauty of it. They're a mystery and we have the privilege of watching them unfold right before us.The choice whether to have children or not is a very personal decision. I have 2 nieces who have been adopted and they are sweet and beautiful little girls. Adoption can be a wonderful thing as well. Anyway, those are my personal thoughts about this. I know yours are different, ND.

[LonelyGuy]

Not all women are judgmental about a man's body, Lonely Guy. Some, such as myself, would consider it a gift that a man would be willing to share himself. In fact some women may even feel insecure about their own bodies. The true meaning of physical intimacy would be that it is an act of sharing, acceptance and love and not about performance or judgments. (my idealist perspective)

I've been wondering some about this and don't know if it is really applicable to this thread or not...but how do any of you feel about women in general? What are your thoughts?

Thanks IrmaJean for your help, I guess I always live with the fear that when it comes down to having sexual relations with women that I won't be able to perform because of my anxieties.

As for your question I love and I'm facinated by women but sometimes I admit that I feel some resentment towards them because of their rejection of me.

[Symora]

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[Recluse]

sdfsadfsdafsdfas

[IrmaJean]

The reason why I asked the question wasn't necessarily because I thought any of you might be angry or resentful toward women. I get the sense sometimes from what I read (and I could definitely be wrong) that some of you may see women as having too much power in all of this. I haven't quite figured out how to express what I'm trying to say... but women are every bit as human as men are. They aren't "goddesses to please" or anything like that. All of you have just as much say in whether the relationship is going well or whether the sex is enjoyable. Am I making any sense? As a woman, if I weren't married, I know I would likely be having the same insecure feelings in any new relationship. I'd be worrying about my varicose veins or my knock-kneed legs or my basically flat chest. I wouldn't be studying the person in front of me and judging whether he was acceptable to me or not. All of us have our perceived imperfections. It might be easier to relate intimately with a woman if you think of everyone as being on the same playing field. These were some disjointed thoughts I had and I wanted to express them in some way. Hopefully it makes some kind of sense.

[nearlydead]

I allways forced the idea of a long term relationship with a woman out of my head because I always new from the age of 13 that life was shit and I was small. I always felt that it would be wrong to condem a women to a life with me. Although I have had many women express and interest in a long term relationship, 3 even said they loved me. I have never lived with a woman or even been on holiday with one. The longest a woman has stayed with me is two nights, by the second night I wanted her out. Its a similar situation with having kids. I always knew I would fail at life at some point because of how size has effected me. As my entire social circle knew I was small, then it would be obvious that if I had a kid, it too would one day know its father was small. Too much shame for that stuff.

I totally regret both decissions. Ithink I have missed out on a lot of the joys of life. Im going to be at least 50 before I am in a position to get into a relationship with a woman (Im not even sure I want that yet) By which time I will have a waning libido and impotence will become an even bigger part of any sxual relationship, leading to more shame. I certainly dont wantto be 70yrs old and have to deal with a 20yr old kid, especially as a low income, low status worker I am likely to produce another loser anyway. The decission not to have kids is a regret I have, but is the best decission I have ever made.

Like LL and Dub, I look at the world and often think "what if" "how would my life of been different" had I not been born this way, and had handled it better instead of giving up like a loser. But its pointless self torture, its gone, its too late.

Relationships and kids, yeh its a regret, but I accept it and dont ruminate on it much. My attitude to my size precluded me to a normal happy life. Having such a reason to be miserable was one of the main motivators not to breed and pass it on. Was it the wrong decission? probably, but it was the right decission for me at the time.

[Recluse]

sfsdfsdfasdfsda

[BillyBoy]

Hi Irma, I get what your saying about women intellectually, I mean we are all humans therefore we all have things we're insecure about. Its hard to really feel that though, I live in Hollywood, the Mecca for Looks obsessed people. I'm 22 years old and I kick myself because I've failed to learn the lesson you succinctly laid out. I've been the single greatest reason why I've never had a good life. I've only begun coming out of my cycle of pity and drug abuse after a loved one died in front of me, after which I finally realized that I need to take the attitude of "f*ck it" when confronting challenges and just go for it. Lifes too short, and the promise of an afterlife too unpredictable to let everyday crap get in the way of enjoying things to the fullest. I have the potential to be a bigger than life character, no pun intended... ok pun intended, to let what someone else thinks of me get in my way.

[Guest ASchwartz]

BillyBoy,

Really well said:)

Allan

[flander]

Not all women are judgmental about a man's body, Lonely Guy. Some, such as myself, would consider it a gift that a man would be willing to share himself. In fact some women may even feel insecure about their own bodies. The true meaning of physical intimacy would be that it is an act of sharing, acceptance and love and not about performance or judgments. (my idealist perspective)

I've been wondering some about this and don't know if it is really applicable to this thread or not...but how do any of you feel about women in general? What are your thoughts?

yeah, the "nice" women all seem to be married and/or a generation or two older.

[Anguished]

Not all women are judgmental about a man's body, Lonely Guy. Some, such as myself, would consider it a gift that a man would be willing to share himself. In fact some women may even feel insecure about their own bodies. The true meaning of physical intimacy would be that it is an act of sharing, acceptance and love and not about performance or judgments. (my idealist perspective)

I've been wondering some about this and don't know if it is really applicable to this thread or not...but how do any of you feel about women in general? What are your thoughts?

I'm ashamed to admit this, but my sexual inadequacies has severly altered the way I feel about women. I've developed a philosophy that I know is not completely true, yet I am unable to push it from my thoughts.

A woman, no matter how sweet and seemingly caring on the surface, would love to find out about my small penis. She would love to find out and then she would love to laugh with her friends about it. And even if she wasn't laughing, I'm certain that she would discuss it with everyone. And then everyone that she knows, knows too. Can't wait to attend that first party with her friends, right?

The pathology was created because I entrusted these personal things with women in the past and have gotten burned. I just don't know how to trust women anymore. I try to tell myself that things wouldn't be like that. That a more mature woman (between say, 25-30 years old) would not do that like there younger high school and college counterparts. But is that accurate? Or delusional thinking?

It's a shame. It's a shame that I feel this way, and it's a shame that I've been given cause to feel this way.

I need to find a way to believe.

I need to find a way to believe it's possible for a woman to not tell everyone she knows that she just met a guy with a tiny penis.

Until I can believe that, I really cannot bring myself to trust a woman.

[IrmaJean]

I appreciate your openness and honesty about your feelings. I'm sorry that you have had such negative experiences with women and I can understand the impact that must have had on you, but not all women are like this, anguished. I can say that I'm certainly not. There must be many more out there like me. The intimate and private aspects of yourself that you have shared with another person deserves to be valued. This is something to be shared and treasured within the personal relationship between man and woman. I'm sorry that you were betrayed in such a way. Anguished, you deserve respect and these women did not offer it to you.

I need to find a way to believe it's possible for a woman to not tell everyone she knows that she just met a guy with a tiny penis.

I'd like for you to take this even one step further. Believe that it's possible for a woman to love, respect, accept and appreciate you exactly the way you are. It's possible, Anguished, and you deserve this. You have to keep trying to find that special woman, though. I hope that you do.

[BillyBoy]

I'm ashamed to admit this, but my sexual inadequacies has severly altered the way I feel about women. I've developed a philosophy that I know is not completely true, yet I am unable to push it from my thoughts.

A woman, no matter how sweet and seemingly caring on the surface, would love to find out about my small penis. She would love to find out and then she would love to laugh with her friends about it. And even if she wasn't laughing, I'm certain that she would discuss it with everyone. And then everyone that she knows, knows too. Can't wait to attend that first party with her friends, right?

The pathology was created because I entrusted these personal things with women in the past and have gotten burned. I just don't know how to trust women anymore. I try to tell myself that things wouldn't be like that. That a more mature woman (between say, 25-30 years old) would not do that like there younger high school and college counterparts. But is that accurate? Or delusional thinking?

It's a shame. It's a shame that I feel this way, and it's a shame that I've been given cause to feel this way.

I need to find a way to believe.

I need to find a way to believe it's possible for a woman to not tell everyone she knows that she just met a guy with a tiny penis.

Until I can believe that, I really cannot bring myself to trust a woman.

You know its really not a matter of age. All I can go by is my own sister, who is 30 years of age and hasnt grown up a damn bit. The fact of the matter is that there are good women and there are self centered women, and you just gotta put your feelers out to determine who is who. Its utter bullsh*t, believe me I know but hey, you could be 22 again like myself and who knows what I'm going to encounter right? Keep your chin up bro, you got alot to offer, I know it.

[a_mess]

Lg i know exactly how you feel man....nothing is sacred with women...we all know women talk but if they find out we say something to the guys about something its like we just committed a cardinal sin....I to sorry to say have so much resentment towards women...I try not to and i sometimes wish i didn't but my experiences have forced it upon me....but i'm not givin up and neither should you....from what i've read from your posts i think we are in the same boat...i think women are for the most part fine with us cause they come back for more but the experiences we had when we were younger has really screwed us up...cause i dont know about you but it doesnt matter what she says i cant believe her...i think she really likes me but is lyin so she doesn't hurt me...that's the part that bugs me....i have to be lied to in order for a women to be with me...maybe they aren't and i'm just that messed up but that what experience has told me...i could be wrong but i think thats damn close to what you have been dealing with too